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Let’s give it a shot

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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

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TOPIC: Let’s give it a shot 4129 Views

Re: Let’s give it a shot 21 Apr 2025 16:25 #434732

sytv2002 Current streak: 1 day OFFLINE Expert Boarder Posts: 123 Karma: 7	Day 28 posting… day 1 clean… bh already had a win today. No phone in bathroom

Re: Let’s give it a shot 21 Apr 2025 16:31 #434733

chaimoigen
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sytv2002 wrote on 21 Apr 2025 05:13:

Oy… just oy…. It’s crazy how I could have such a big win earlier today, when I got hit with a big urge while in the bathroom- and said “NO!” And stayed clean, and then motzei YT I fall apart and the urge wins. With P. It wasn’t even an urge. Just some robotic feeling that I “MUST” act out. Like I didn’t have a choice. So I poke. And then I find something which naturally gives me an urge; to which I act out on. Happy for my 3 (almost 4) clean day streak… onward we fight.

Oish. That hurt. Here’s a warm hand…
Was there a situation that triggered the feeling you described above? That made you feel you “needed” to find something to act out to?

Please feel free to reach out anytime at chaim.oigen@gmail.com

Perhaps you'd enjoy seeing Chaim's Oigen

Re: Let’s give it a shot 22 Apr 2025 14:39 #434804

sytv2002
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Day 29 posting… Day 2 clean…
Reb Chaim, there wasn’t really any feeling at all. Like I said, just robotic. Like I NEED to. No feeling of an urge anywhere it was more like “this is what’s happening whether you like it or not”

As for today’s update… yesterday had its ups and downs. I had a really big win, where I sensed myself getting into a dangerous circle, and broke out of it before it got there. No poking or anything. But before and after that challenge I have been poking around and despite not actually watching P, I don’t know if I’d call what I did “clean”. Again at night, more poking, and even started M but honestly was too tired and that’s probably the only reason I wasn’t MZL. Day 2…?

Re: Let’s give it a shot 23 Apr 2025 21:54 #434912

sytv2002
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Day 30 posting… Day 1 clean… 30 days in of posting. Just reflecting on the first trimester. Had 2 streaks of 4 days over YT. I mean I don’t remember the last time I’ve done that so that must mean progress. I’ve been connecting more on this platform and reaching out to mentors. Still working on actually speaking to mentors on the phone but we’ll get there. I’m restarting shidduchim with a date tonight so we’ll see how this added factor plays a role in my recovery. Iyh will have an even better next 30 days.

Re: Let’s give it a shot 24 Apr 2025 15:22 #434959

sytv2002 Current streak: 1 day OFFLINE Expert Boarder Posts: 123 Karma: 7	Day 31 posting… day 2 clean

Re: Let’s give it a shot 25 Apr 2025 16:59 #435010

sytv2002
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Day 32 posting… day 1 clean… love going to the mikvah erev shabbos.

side note, anyone else have people in their lives that you would consider close friends but they consistently make plans with other close friends hence leaving you out? Like “forgetting to invite you”? I feel like a teenage girl lol. No wonder I feel so lonely, and I’m sure that contributes to my urges. These trust issues will eat me alive. Well hey, now I want to get married so much more. Just to have that best friend, that partner. The “us against the world type”. I know she’ll let me down at times, that’s natural. I just want to bottom line to be that we are each others priority. No more of this childhood pain. I need my life partner. Or at least just some real friends until then.

Re: Let’s give it a shot 27 Apr 2025 01:34 #435039

sytv2002 Current streak: 1 day OFFLINE Expert Boarder Posts: 123 Karma: 7	Day 33 posting… day 2 clean
	Last Edit: 27 Apr 2025 01:34 by sytv2002.

Re: Let’s give it a shot 27 Apr 2025 22:45 #435070

sytv2002 Current streak: 1 day OFFLINE Expert Boarder Posts: 123 Karma: 7	Day 34 posting… day 1 clean

Re: Let’s give it a shot 28 Apr 2025 16:35 #435114

sytv2002 Current streak: 1 day OFFLINE Expert Boarder Posts: 123 Karma: 7	Day 35 posting… day 2 clean… bh had a few wins over the past 24 hours

Re: Let’s give it a shot 29 Apr 2025 04:39 #435149

sytv2002
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Hoping beyond hope that the pain I’m in now is enough of a kaparah for the terrible things I just did. I wish I could feel this pain BEFORE I let myself indulge in watching the most obscene of the actions of these reshaim. Even scarier, one of the scenes I witnessed made it seem warm and loving, maybe what real life is like. I’m not married. I don’t know what being with my wife will be like. But Chalilah I compare it to pornography. I understand that they have no similarities whatsoever, and the fact that I had the thought of comparison shows that my mind is submitting that this is my reality. I DONT WANT THIS. HASHEM I WANT TO BE CLEAN. Why do I do this to myself. Maybe if something hard happened today. Maybe if I was triggered even. Then I’d have an excuse. I DIDNT. I had a great day. Hashem showered me with bracha today and I was so happy. This is how I repay him??? I’m so so sorry. I can’t believe myself. I wasn’t even triggered. Just had an itch to create an itch. And of course it snowballed. Please whoever’s still reading this just daven for me. Say some tehillim for me. Reach out. I need help.

Re: Let’s give it a shot 29 Apr 2025 13:53 #435155

vehkam
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it is crucial that you focus on the future and not wallow in guilt for what you have done in the past. Don't beat yourself up for having normal urges. Please try to identify some things that you can do differently when you feel that itch. Plan on how you are going to react and be prepared to follow through. What are you doing daily to strengthen your commitment to kedusha?

vehkam7@gmail.com

guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/375452-Work-in-progress

The Battle of the Generation by Hillel S. has been a huge help for me. Message me to find out how you can receive a free copy.

some of the experiences I write about may make it easier to identify me. This is ok. I trust that if anyone discovers my identity they will keep it to themselves. If you do realize that you know me, I am completely comfortable and welcome you acknowledging me and my struggle in person.

Re: Let’s give it a shot 29 Apr 2025 14:28 #435156

sytv2002 Current streak: 1 day OFFLINE Expert Boarder Posts: 123 Karma: 7	Day 36 posting… day 1 clean… still hurting from last night but ready to make the most of my day

Re: Let’s give it a shot 30 Apr 2025 14:37 #435220

sytv2002 Current streak: 1 day OFFLINE Expert Boarder Posts: 123 Karma: 7	Day 37 posting… day 2 clean… a little extra motivation today

Re: Let’s give it a shot 01 May 2025 14:24 #435282

sytv2002 Current streak: 1 day OFFLINE Expert Boarder Posts: 123 Karma: 7	Day 38 posting… day 3 clean… yesterdays motivation holding on regarding p, not so sure about m…

Re: Let’s give it a shot 02 May 2025 13:28 #435342

Muttel Current streak: 397 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 668 Karma: 34	Just to reinforce what Vehkam posted above, motivation sourced in guilt is bound to fail... It's kedai to reach out to one of the mentors here to get the proper perspective and tools to remain clean and conquer this damned beast... Here's hoping you have sustained success, Muttel
	We're in this struggle together; feel free to reach out! Muttel15@gmail.com Feel free to call/text! (908) 251-9590 (google) Check out my thread here: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/413043-My-ENTIRE-story#413043 Last Edit: 02 May 2025 13:28 by Muttel.