100! WOW kein yirbu!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! l'chaim!!!!!!!!!!

I really wish i can give you a hug right around now..... 
I feel you pain even though I can't imagine what you are going thru. 
Just accept the situation for what it is. Hashem created us; we didn't create ourselves, so there has to be a very good reason for creating us. 
Just lean back and take a load of your shoulders.  השלך על ה' יהבך

Time for an update: Made it clean to 108 days, then had a mini-fall under very challenging circumstances, then my yetzer horo convinced me to do worse since I already "lost my sobriety".

I've been in touch with HHM - its been very helpful.  He helped me realign my perspectives, and told me I should keep counting my clean days, noting the fall with a star in my communication with him (110*).

Just having a listening ear for what I'm going through is very necessary, and I am grateful for the encouragement and understanding. Be"h i hope and plan to stay clean the rest of the way to 180.

I don't know how long I should keep this thread open, if my wife finds it she will be very upset at me for mentioning anything about her. Maybe I should open a new one.

Thanks for mentioning the idea of using a star, I've fallen for this confusion of mini falls so many times.
May you see only Hatzlocho, especially in the zechus of sharing this. Gut Voch

Wow, that's a great idea! I can personally relate to exactly what you're saying, as the first setback I had after joining GYE, was exactly in the way you described.
BTW, this is my first post since joining GYE close to 2 months ago, so I guess, hi everyone, nice to be here!