last night i had a very interesting experience. in the past, whether it was quickly or over the course of a few hours, it seemed like i always gave in to my Y"H. then afterwards, i would think, "why can't you just say 'later'?! realistically, you know its a momentary pleasure and that a half hour later, there are no lingering benefits, except if you count minor depression and hating yourself/your Y"H. and those dont seem like benefits!!!" but last night, i began thinking about this idea
before giving in.
i thought about how the pleasure is only momentary and (although i always try to pick myself up and turn the fall into something good) how i'm always disappointed with myself. the urge last night was the strongest in my current streak, but simply meditating on these thoughts and then going downstairs to spend time with my siblings got my mind in a better place. and lo and behold, i'm still clean.
so right now, i feel proud. not proud because i staved off my y"h, but because i did G-d's will. thats what i'm most proud of. i'm happy to be a soldier with the rest of you guys and GUE, fighting the y"h so that G-d's will can be done. i think we're all fightin' a noble cause
![](https://guardyoureyes.com/components/com_kunena/template/default/images/emoticons/new/wink.png)
.
well, morning of day 10 and things are still lookin' good.
Shavuah Tov.