Hello HB
Yes we are on the same boat? Who is the captain? I would like to hear from you more… I realized about this site although it is great and gives us all chizuk but it also may be an escape from the real deal, talking to real people hearing real voices…

okay story for the day...
so after being clean for a week and working on my self…. Now came a real big bummer,  Please forgive me if what I am writing is not appropriate and creating triggers ( I love that word) I am with my wife after she went to the mik, I did not know what to do or think and my mind was going back and forth, i wanted it to be real, but what is real? Is it lust or is it ok for me to feel this way towards my wife? Should I (we) do the things that are triggers for me? I just did not know what is right or wrong…. I asked Hashem please  make it real enough of my sick thoughts... bottom line nothing happened, which bring me to this morning, if It did not go well with my wife then what happens the next morning, who can guess? That’s right i start to feel H…y and unhappy and need to feed my YH, I hope to make it thru today and over shabbos….

good shabbos to everyone

Boruch Shehecheyunu V'kiyimanu V'higianu lezman Hazeh...Day # 7 Clean and getting ready for the Hailige Shabbos. Thank you my dear Freinds of the Forum...Your posts and heartfelt and honest writing has helped me get there.

A Gutten Shabbos un a Frailichen Tamid!

Hello HB
Yes we are on the same boat? Who is the captain? I would like to hear from you more… I realized about this site although it is great and gives us all chizuk but it also may be an escape from the real deal, talking to real people hearing real voices…

Oh, Captain my Captain!!!

The Captain Has be US...the Ribono Shel Olam  gives us the Kochos, either through friends, like your sponsor, or me and the many others on this forum, to be the captain of our Ships in a very turbulent (temporarily) sea of this bitter exile. Ship = Our concious chosen Thoughts (the most intimate of our faculties and where Avodas Hashem is at it purest altruistic level, hara'aya - Nobody knows what your thinking both regarrding shame and praise), Speech and our actions.

okay story for the day...
so after being clean for a week and working on my self…. Now came a real big bummer,  Please forgive me if what I am writing is not appropriate and creating triggers ( I love that word) I am with my wife after she went to the mik, I did not know what to do or think and my mind was going back and forth, i wanted it to be real, but what is real? Is it lust or is it ok for me to feel this way towards my wife? Should I (we) do the things that are triggers for me? I just did not know what is right or wrong…. I asked Hashem please  make it real enough of my sick thoughts... bottom line nothing happened, which bring me to this morning, if It did not go well with my wife then what happens the next morning, who can guess? That’s right i start to feel H…y and unhappy and need to feed my YH, I hope to make it thru today and over shabbos….

In Sh"A, I believe, one of the holy intentions when one is together with his wife should be that this is will take away the excitement and energy to lust after improper things (in SH"A language Y"H). Every time you are together with your wife for that purpose you are performing the Biblical Mitzvah of Oinah. It's serving Hashem, just like Davvening Shmonei Esrah - (Source: Raishis Chcohmah)

V'shomri Bnei Yisruel Ess Hashaboss!


good shabbos to everyone

Like all good pencils, our HB makes a good point. He's sharp, this one.

have a GREAT SHABBOS!

Wow HB just caught up on your thread!!! you seem to be making such big strides. Keep it up. we are all in this together. And whenever you feel the need for chizuk just give a shout out. Oh and give out chizuk to others. Seems to be working.


A Gutte Voch.

Thanks for the encouragement...

It make me feel so important to be giving out advice etc...

However, as you can see from my desperate posts, that when it come to my addiction, I turn into a little boy and need so greatly the encouragement that you all give me....it is the only way I get through and beat the animal within me....
It's like I'm 2 different people the mature, wise Yid father, husband and respected memebr of my community...On the other hand I'm this littl eteeanager hiding, looing at the PN sites and quickly M to get it over with so I can return to the real me...

Thanks to you and this site...I finally have the confidence to face nyself and live the way I truly want in service of the Aibershter...

Does anyone relate to what I just said above?

This is a log after all...

Geloibt unzer tayere tatte in Himmel...I'm clean for a complet 8th day...the 8 days of the Bris... On Friday I kept looking at something that I shouldn't have for about a minute...and I'm still dealing with it...But I'm going into Day # 9 with confidnece a trust that Hashem will help me overcome this powerful Nisayon and I will be victorious in not letting anything i should not be looking at in. Thank you to all of you and your Chizuk..

Steve I never knew being called a pencil would make me feel so good and loved...Thanks you I'm trying - As I said before you ain't JustTrying - Your DOIN' It Brother!!! A gutte Vach!!!!

It's like I'm 2 different people the mature, wise Yid father, husband and respected memebr of my community...On the other hand I'm this littl eteeanager hiding, looing at the PN sites and quickly M to get it over with so I can return to the real me...

All the above is me as well, as they in the 12 steps u canot fight, what is what we have been doing for the past 15 years it is time for a new "avodah" r" twersky says that the 12 step program (avodah) takes the cake...

Keep strong my friend, DO NOT GIVE UP, we can do it...
A gut voch

My friends, YES!! We are all wounded little children, with resentments and fears burried deep down that have never gotten resolved. The Inner Child within us, hurt and lonely, it is HE/SHE who is crying out for comfort and recognition, THAT is the part of us which is running to the p**n drug to escape, and finding fleeting pleasure in the M and the end.

I can't believe you have figured out what it took us WEEKS in the 12 Step program to uncover....  WOWIE we are dealing with intellegent life forms, Mr. Spock...

"You just WAIT, 'enry "iggins, JUST YOU WAIT!" (Hameivin Nebach Yaavin) Join the 12 Step program with DC in Feb, and you'll find out how to heal that inner child, validate him/her, give them a voice, then see how to look the world in the eye and say "OK, ENOUGH about ME! What about YOU?!" And eventually you'll flick the little devil off your shoulder and walk away from each lust urge like it's a pesky fly you can just shoo away.

Oh, darn, I keep giving away the secrets....  they're on to us now, DC, so watch out...

humanbeing wrote on 10 Jan 2010 04:45:


Does anyone relate to what you just said above? You could have been talking right out of my mouth!!! I feel exactly the same way LITERALLY!

B"H with the help of all my friends at GYE I just completed 25 days, and look forward to going to 90 and beyond!

Won't you come along?

Hey, it's great to feel normal....to know there are people that understand me so completely...There are no words to describe the feeling of Freedom...(Freedom Baby!!!)


Steve, I'm looking forward to helping that little kid within me heal...He's really a very good kid and I need him for that great charisma and blast that I'm able to give my children.

Yidster - I orderd the BB from the AA and I'm looking forward to working the steps...I know you'll be there every step of the way with me...Thanks. I know asoem people that have worked those steps to succesfully overcome Alcohol and drug addictions....They are truly kind, understanding and amazing people.

Haba...I'm coming along. Oh Yes!!!

Wish I could be working the 12 steps with you guys.

You're gonna kill it, human.

I do a lot of work with people (as opposed to with computers, numbers, of various forms of wildlife and herbiage), and I usually find that people who successfully go through 12 step programs really seem to get it.. They just understand that life is about working hard, they know how to appreciate the right things, show appreciation in the right ways... they are a really good bunch, so good luck humanbeing and yidster on your journey together!!!

I'm looking to work the 12 steps...I better get out of here now...Having really bad urges and getting taht jittery feeling and terrible lust rising....I hope to reprt good news tomorrrow.!!!

That's great - you felt the warning signs, and you got out!

You are truly incredible, and I hope to learn from you!