stopsurvivingstartliving wrote on 01 Sep 2024 10:10:

Kol hakavod 

Day 16 Clean.

Day 17 clean. I thank Hashem for giving me things to keep me busy the last few days leaving little time for urges and falls.

Posting for accountability. I thought I found a loophole in my filter, I did see a few soft core things, thought I would be able to get to hard core I tried and tried for a few minutes and didn't succeed. I closed the tabs and plan on going outside to get it off my head.

stopsurvivingstartliving wrote on 03 Sep 2024 12:44:

Next step is to get even that loophole closed.

Day 18 Clean. I did mention in an earlier post that I saw some images (would call a bit past soft core) but I don't think it counts as a fall. I hope my "chai" days of cleanliness will pump some chiyus into me to truck through the zman, both in learning and kedusha!

PS I posted the following on my Introduce Yourself thread and I think it was missed by some, if you have a minute please check it out. Here's the link: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/417627-trying-to-stay-pure?limit=15&start=15#420457

A Gut Chodesh!

I just had a fall to M.
Trigger: Probably a build up of all the looking I did on the streets the past 2 and a half weeks.
What to do moving on: WIll try to continue the battle but I don't really have a practical way to avoid the trigger.

Oy, feeling your pain......

With much brotherly love,
Muttel

stopsurvivingstartliving wrote on 04 Sep 2024 13:26:

I’m feeling your pain. Try to stay in yeshiva if possible and avoid the streets. Start counting again and form a new streak. 

My friend, It hurts, it hurts, And its real. you tried, you fought, and in the end u fell.

Pls don't be too hard on urself. I fell after being over 250 days clean, and the only for me to pick myself was by using the falls as a learning experience and making new fences.

It will pass and you will stand up even stronger

stopsurvivingstartliving wrote on 04 Sep 2024 13:26:

My dear Brother,
I'm so sorry to hear and know it hurts a lot. 

Since you are living and not surviving, I edited your post a tinesy bit to reflect that.
What to do moving on: You need to close the loophole in your filter and avoid testing it as best you can. For the street looks, even if you can't completely avoid it, you can certainly mitigate it some amount and any effort is you showing that you aren't passively submissive to your challenges. In livin', there just ain't no givin' up.

Your P-free streak remains, as do the 18 days free from M. That chai is yours to keep!

Thank you all for the chizuk.

Posting for accountability. Usually when I fall I end up falling again that day (cause streaks are a big motivator by me). This time I don't want to, thanks to a friend I made through GYE. So still have an hour or 2 to make through including a shower so hope to make it! 

TThank god I made it through clean without another fall. I hope to stand back up tomorrow and stand strong! 

stopsurvivingstartliving wrote on 04 Sep 2024 22:12:

Your Gye friends are rooting for you. Chazak! 

Had these thoughts fly through my head and I need the oilam's opinions weather it's the YH or coming from a better place.

As I posted in the past I am currently battling P (not such a battle because I don't have access to it) and M. On the streets I don't fight myself bchlal I just look. So now I get these thoughts that "so what your not watching porn on a screen but on your watching it on the streets" (call it soft core if you want). So I am no shaychas anyway... I understand there is some truth to this but I still think what I am doing is something.
What do YOU think?