Keep it simple. Today is today. You can do it. You can want to be clean for today. Because it feels better. That’s what counts. And you can do it, imyH. 

But here are a few thoughts about your question. 

You want to be clean for today. But the streak is a different kind of cleanliness today. The feeling of Tahara after 8 days is different than after 1. So the number counts, because the level of cumulative cleanliness is meaningful, even if your goal isn’t a streak. You feel better today, now that you’ve been clean for a while. You dont want to lose it. And if Chas vishalom you have a fall, you have a feeling that it wouldn’t be as bad to mess up the cleanliness of a period of 5 minutes, as to mess up the cleanliness of a longer period. So a guy could “chap arein “, ch”v. Because the sense of cleanliness is more than the individual moment. Maybe that is a pshat in your feelings. 

(Agav, it’s not true. The fact is that the second , “might-as-well” fall does a tremendous amount of damage. That’s the one that makes a guy sick at heart, and brings him to want to throw in the towel, for a lot of reasons.  It’s a terrible תחבולה of the YH. When a guy who fell hangs on and doesn’t fall again, he can get up on the wagon again, get out of the ditch without falling all the way down the mountain…). 

Keep your eyes on the prize.  And don’t fall for all-or-nothing thinking. You’re a fighter, a dreamer. You’re stopping to merely survive and starting to live real.

I  can taste the fresh, Yerushalayim air and see that heartbreakingly blue sky. Wish I was there, chaver. 

Keep on Trucking

Chaim

chaimoigen wrote on 18 Sep 2024 00:11:

Wow
Reb chaim that was articulated so clearly and on point!

While fighting this battle it can get very complex, what is my goal, what am I trying to build? What is the difference between one and 2 falls? @SSSL you brought up a great question and I'm thankful to you for that!

But Reb chaim you nailed it on the head, I will definitely be chazering over that post, it spoke straight to me, I appreciate the great insight and wisdom that you and everyone else here has to offer!

Keep rocking on @SSSL, were here rooting for you!

Day 10 Clean.

What others do is not my avoida. My avoida is to be the best me taking it one tiny step at a time!

Exactly! You articulated it simpler and clearer than anyone else could have expressed it! 

Be the best you can be, because the best YOU is something special!

Day 11 Clean.

• I would like to thank @yiftach and @eerie for the much needed chizuk they gave me!
• Something I learned today is where brisk (tzvei dinim) comes into recovery. I have to be able to split the kedusha battle and other areas in yiddishkeit and look at the kedusha part and be proud of myself. Even if in other areas I am lacking, that is not a reason to tell myself "your battling the kedusha is nothing". Insired by @eerie who was inspired by this post.
• I would like to publicly (though anonymously) challenge myself to put in at least 20 minutes of learning tomorrow by before shkiah.

With that I wish you all a good night and sweet dreams! 

As of 6 pm Day 12 Clean, hope to stay this way till I go to sleep.

For all those wondering I - with hashems help - got the 20 minutes in that I challenged myself to do.

Have a Wonderful and lustless Shabbos!

Edit: UPDATE: I made it clean!

...

Day 13 Clean.

Day 14 Clean!

I had a very big trigger today to masturbate but #TYH for a night seder chavrusa. Came in very handy having to run out to my chavrusa and getting the urge off my head.
I got a nice siman from hashem (I hope I am not being over a lav by taking it as a siman, talmedai chachamim I am relying on you to correct me). I passed by a song playing and it went "YOU ARE AMAZING JUST FOR WHERE YOU ARE". A point I actually have to work on. Thank You Hashem.

#TWOWEEKSCOMPLETE

SSSL,
I have been following your journey and its so inspiring to see how you're working on yourself!
I literally feel so excited for your win today! Your win is our win!
Keep strong! You'll go far iyH!
Lots of Hatzlacha, 
UpAndDown

There once was a tortoise who thought that his head
belonged in his shell, so his shell was his bed,
”The light hurts my eyes, and predators roam - 
outside of this cozy shell that is my home!”

But he squinted and pushed out, walked into the light
Headed into the wind, though it had a cold bite -
Persevering, he steadily took step after step, 
though he’s lugging his shell, now his steps have new pep.

He discovered that over yon hill is  a view, 
He can see purple mountains, hills covered in dew,
And the eagles are soaring there, noble and free,
Over plains that are wild and wide as can be. 

Says the tortoise, “I’ll keep taking one step at a time, 
‘cause I don’t want to trip up, or step on a mine”
But the beauty he’s seeing empowers him still, 
and gives him the Koach to climb up his hill. 

New perspectives can help us to realise and know, 
that each step is living, in each step we grow, 
Stop Surviving Start Living’s on his way to first place, 
‘Cause Slow and Steady wins the human race! 

With admiration and respect- 
You keep chugging up the holy heartbreak mountain, 

Chaim Oigen

I am freaken not in a good mood now I think the video I was watching (see this) bought up a lot of triggering trauma. I am about to the shower and I may want to use my pacifier. So I am posting here for accountability.

stopsurvivingstartliving wrote on 23 Sep 2024 21:52:

I can't imagine how hard it must be to bring back all that trauma. But remember, everything we go through is a stepping stone for a bright future! 

You've got this, buddy! And my condolences, but we have faith in you! 

stopsurvivingstartliving wrote on 23 Sep 2024 21:52:

Thank God I made it out clean marking 15 days Clean. If your wondering I even celebrated the win already.

A big help for me was some random things that pumped my spirit. Things that made me laugh, it legit helped.

stopsurvivingstartliving wrote on 23 Sep 2024 21:52:

Ouch. Very ouch,
Here for you brother