Hi I was just wondering if anyone here who has been gotten “free” from this can tell me what it’s like. What happens to those urges? What happens  to those moments where you feel like you’ll fall apart if u don’t give in? They just disappear? 

im just thinking that I’ll always feel like this my entire life and it’s just so exhausting to have to control myself like this every day

Hello!

Take it one day at a time. Don't focus too much on what will be. Face your challenges each day as they come and the rest will fall into place. 

You feel exhausted. It is hard. Try also feeling good about the effort you are putting in. If you are fighting that hard, you have that much more to be proud of. 

Changeisgood121 wrote on 12 May 2024 02:05:

As time goes on the urges minimize in frequency and in length of duration. The tsunami becomes a tidal wave becomes a wave becomes a small wave..... becomes a fly buzzing around one's head. At the same time, it never disappears - see the famous story of the Lev Eliyahu ztz"l.

Changeisgood121 wrote on 12 May 2024 02:05:

I've no idea - but that is a good question!

(my guess is that the struggle is continuous but over time gets easier.  OTOH maybe new challenges will take over as you get "promoted")

The urges become less frequent and you aquire "some" more control. It's different for everyone but I would say overall it gets easier but not easy. 
For example you have an urge and you think "why not just give in", remind yourself of your progress and your goals but don't focus on your goal focus on the now, and say to yourself/ask Hashem "please let me be clean for today"
This gets easier once you start setting up gedarim (fences) overtime mentally and physically

Freedom is...
Exhilirating
Boring
A whole new perspective on connection and caring for others
Having to find things to do to fill all the dead time you used to fill with porn and fantasy
Growth and opportunity
Romanticizing the bad old times
Becoming your own, self made person
Wishing you were born somebody else, at the top of the mountain
Seeing how your challenges were actually what enabled you to become what you became
Dreaming of being anyone else, who didn't have to deal with all the junk in your past and present
Like anything else,
Freedom is....
What you choose to make it

jackthejew wrote on 13 May 2024 03:12:

Gold!! 

Sometimes finding freedom boring is a ruse for not wishing to be alone with ones self. Sometimes there are frightening realities that distraction can help one avoid. 
But living real is worth so much more, even if it hurts. 

Thanks friend. 

Lichayim !