Masturbation is prohibited by the Torah regardless of whether it feels good or not. As Jews, our purpose in this world is to be a holy nation. This includes abstaining from masturbation. Our body as a whole and sexuality are spiritual when cohabiting within the framework of marriage. Chazal say that marriage purifies a person's thoughts so that he can think less about other women. Building a relationship with your wife through sex brings both souls together spiritually. Even without procreation, pleasing your wife through intercourse is a form of spiritual bonding aside for the physical aspects of cohabitation. Also, God is the third partner in cohabitation when children are created. While the couple is creating the body of the child God instills a soul in the body. It is only masturbation and the like which are prohibited by the Torah whereby sex brings impurity into the world. Refraining from sex when it is prohibited makes sex with our wives all the more spiritual. You will eventually get married and reach an elevated spiritual level of holiness but in the meantime the Torah and spirituality require abstinence. This will prepare you for a healthy spiritual marriage relationship.

Has there ever been anyone in the history of humanity who was able to resist all form of unhealthy sexual behavior and never failing. Sometimes I feel like I am holding myself to an impossible standards. Like I said humans are sexual beings. And G-d probably put this bug inside of us as a way to test us. 

lionfree wrote on 01 Apr 2024 00:40:

solid Q,
the answer might very well be NO, i dont know, who cares!
the idea is to be a warrior and fight the battle, thats what makes a jew great, 
the idea is NOT, not to ever fail, thats not gods plan.  NEVER FAILING, is not in the jewish vocabulary
as far as i know there were only 3 people in history that have never sinned.
who can say "ראשית אוני" no one! that was said on the  בכיר שבאבות יעקב אבינו
lets keep on being sexual beings, just as god made us, he made us just perfectly right,
sexual behavior is what makes us holy,
sexual behavior is what makes us great,
sexual behavior is what connects us with our other half, and makes us into a אדם השלם
lionfree, keep on growing!
love you!

lionfree wrote on 01 Apr 2024 00:40:

Hey! Here’s a warm hand. 

Sexuality is a powerful part of being human. It’s part of what enables us to connect on many levels and forge the most powerful relationships. 

But I don’t think that until very recent history any average person had constant easy access to unlimited nudity and the easy access to casual sexual encounters that we are faced with today. This is an unnatural state of being. And being in a state of bombardment of constantly being stimulated by provocative ads, media, and dress, and having constant access to porn in one’s pocket- this skews the way we naturally relate and use the sexual drive, even completely notwithstanding any religious perspective. 

Hello,

I recently watched a video talking about the horrors of the porn industry. Most of them eventually die from suicide and drug abuse.

One of the people mentioned was a performer who I frequently watched who is now in a vegetative state. 

I had a rule only to watch ethical porn. One where they have real orgasmse, and they are both attracted to each other. And despite me mainly watching her in that, she is on death's door.

Porn can't be ethical just like slavery can't be. Whether you are in Barbados working under the sadistic Thomas Thistlesood, or in George Washington’s slave plantation, it still sucks to be a slave. Slaves always ran away because being a slave leaves scars just like porn. 

it just feels weird to have unknowingly watched someone kill themselves for a few years now. In a way, I feel complicit but I also know they made their choices. It’s not like I knew them or cared but it’s sad. 

I wish I can purge the porn from my mind. I wish I could have been more innocent as a kid. Every time I think about porn I want to scream. Often when I masturbate and watch porn I do scream. 

I feel like I am violating myself. I hate it and I like it. It’s very confusing 

I know it’s possible to stop I know I will stop but I just feel overwhelmed.

It sucks to watch people who are enslaved to the porn industry but the least you can do is redeem yourself from being the slave of the slave. As you wrote, it really sucks. You are worth more than that. Don't sell yourself cheap.

lionfree wrote on 14 Apr 2024 22:15:

whats the vidoe called?

https://youtu.be/rxyNmg_2vZ8?si=x3ZXOESwRxHpFOWu

lionfree wrote on 14 Apr 2024 23:01:

 my filter is not allowing this
painful

I don’t think there is anything wrong with having sexual or romantic thoughts. But how you respond to them can be a moral issue.

At this point, I’ve lost a lot of my commitment to so-called purity. So many rubbish people surround me, and meningitis outbreaks plague the school, probably from all the kissing people do. But there are probably some nice girls out there who aren’t hoes but aren’t Jewish. 


At this point, I crave intimacy. And I want nothing more than to know it again. I felt it in Mexico when making out with that girl; we connected. We could have had sex if we had more time. But we didn’t. 

I’m on several hookup apps with no luck since I don’t have the paid version. I’m even messaging women almost and over 30. But I’m suspicious of it being a scam, some human trafficking thing for her or me. And I believe you have to have some psychological issues to have sex with someone you messaged online. Plus, there is an std risk 

Now I’m very horny. I haven’t watched porn since my last post, occasionally something somewhat erotic but not traditional porn. I’ve realized I’ve watched people kill themselves way after they died. 

This world, or at least the one I’m in, isn’t pure. 

At the same time, let’s say I fall in love with a girl; we make love. I want to raise conservative Jewish kids; maybe she would convert, but it isn’t easy. And I’ve seen how halfbreeds are Jews in name only. 

I don’t know what to do.

Responding to your first paragraph. You feel that it is ok to walk around and have sexual thoughts about the people around you?

I would differentiate in that. If a thought pops into your heart unbidden, you don't try punished for that, it is not considered your action. But if you continue to that thought, or if you invite or seek out sexual thoughts, that is wrong. 

We are right that thoughts have impacts and consequences in the world. According to the Torah, you may not think immortal thoughts. 

You wanted to know how a man can stay clean. Here is a simple solution, don't think sexual thoughts. Think clean thoughts!

lionfree wrote on 25 Apr 2024 08:40:

So let me ask you a basic question. Why are you here?
If all you want is sex, why are you posting on this site? (you wrote you "crave intimacy", but what you described is craving sex).

I'm not trying to chase you away. Having read some of your posts, it's clear you're fighting against the whole world while trying to get clean in a very difficult atmosphere. And that is undeniably impressive. But even if you're temporarily clean from from porn you seem to have held on to the lust behind it. And it seems that lust is not bringing you any happiness.

So I don't know what you should do. But perhaps you need to decide what you want.

I crave intimacy more than sex and that’s harder to come by. Casual sex is a lesser substitute.  I just wish god can help me find my soulmate faster. I want someone to be with, and yes sex is part of it.  I think my lust is a manifestation of something else

@frank.lee

whenever I walk around college I’m constantly stimulated. So much beauty and arousal. I can’t avoid it.

lionfree wrote on 25 Apr 2024 18:26:


Loneliness is a common, and very real, trigger. And I sympathize with that.

The atmosphere you are in is probably the hardest one to stay clean in. When I was in college, I was much older than you and already married with kids. I was also only a part time student and did not integrate into social life there. On top of that, my religious upbringing strongly motivated me to want to stay clean. And despite all that, the atmosphere of college is intoxicating and deadly. It's an atmosphere of casual freedom, of pretty girls who are interested in showing off their body, of people doing whatever they want. It is a very difficult place to stay clean.

The first step in getting clean is wanting it. This is basic. You don't have to want it for any specific reason, but you need to want it. Right now, it sounds like you are caught up in wanting other things more than you want to stay clean.
Maybe you should reach out to someone here to talk through and get some clarity why you want to get clean and what that would mean for you. Lotta great people on here.