You're quite the inspiration for someone that stands up and pulls themselves together after a fall. 

Inspire us once again!

Twitch is brain rot incarnate...

I was on all day watching other people play a game i used to be addicted to... anyways blocked that with web chaver as well as kick which is the only other thing I can think of that I would go to distract myself... 

Anywyays made some progress in my life tommrow should be easier accept I got to go to Jerusalem for a meeting but I think it will be okay. Debating if its worth going to the kotel again... 
Anyways that's the update for tonight. 
I want to get back in the groove again 

I got back still uncertainty in the air.
I did some F2F today made some progress been clean. 

Should I switch this thread to somewhere else because I am not counting days so much anymore still aiming at 90 days but...
not going anywhere and will aim and count the 90 days again at some point...

I had a fall 

Make that two falls 
ugh I don't know anymore so much eeffort to keep trying I dont feel like I have it in me to succeed 

i'm so sorry buddy. please take a hug. make that two hugs.

notezy wrote on 03 Jul 2024 21:30:

Really painful!!

I actually hate offering eitzah's especially when I am the way I am, but hating myself a little more today won't make it or break it, so here goes... 

I've tried to comment in the past on your thread without much success but I'll try again 

Based on your posts, I don't think filters/avoidance/white-knuckling/willpower/90 days will help much for you. 

-What are you doing to change your paradigm and perspective regarding this whole challenge? It's pretty hopeless to aim for change if on some level we don't really want to change. (Read some of Vehkam's amazing recent posts that touch on this point)

-Do you have anybody you can be open with to share the nitty gritty details about the specific challenges you are struggling with? When you feel tempted, do you have anyone to share that with? It may not always stop a fall, but it can many times. And it will definitely help with getting up afterwards and not wallowing. Being vulnerable goes a long way, and you can talk about any other stuff you are going through too.

- Last but not least, have you ever explored the 12 steps? Or at least read through some of the wealth of wisdom from Dov's posts to see what it's all about? Not everything may resonate, but it can still be very beneficial. 

In any case, no need to shrivel into the shadows, you are some fighter! (although fighting is probably not what is needed at this point  ) 

Wishing you much Hatzlacha!!

"Debating if it's worth going to the Kotel"?????? WOW.. coming from a guy who flies halfway around the world to go to the Kotel, I think the answer is, It is always worth going to the Kotel!

adam2014 wrote on 06 Jul 2024 10:18:

Their are a lot of Immodestly dresses women in Jerusalem because it's a tourist area and I was debating putting my eyes through that... 

Yes, I avoid it if I could, and many religious people don't go there for this reason.

Just wanted to give an update still clean right now but I am struggling with urges came close to falling a few times the last few days. I made an attempt to do the F2F program more but the last few days i have been busy with stuff BH and kind skipped it probably... but I did see a positive uptick in control and more importantly awarness while using it...
I also wanted to mention I have been kind of cheating on my commitment to stay off YouTube.
I went back to a loophole on my computer to watch some stuff. I am not going back to spotify and I don't have it access to youtube on my phone. I went about a month without it... still going to use YouTube in this form knowing it can be a liability and in the future I plan to block it. I might need to get a toll in order to do so.
Alright thats all for now.

AS I was getting off my computer tonight I had a fall.I didnt address the urges earlier I kept putting it off I made excuses for myself instead of handling the issue and in my negligence I made way for a fall.I looked for stuff (redacted) earlier and I was feeding the urges. I still put in effort to physically hold of for a while.U know I feel regret right now but I dont think I can allow for self pity anymore (I think its coping to feel bad after a fall u had enough headspace to stop before and ignored it and should not be dwelled upon for this reason... it tends to be the catalyst for bold over ambitious recommitments that fall short later...) I am not beating myself up for this but I relize that this is the pattern that keeps getting me and I just have to keep being vigilint. I want to go check how many days it was even though I said I wouldn't. It could be 1 day but it felt like 3 or 4 at least. I checked it was 5 days I am proud of myself for that and I can safely say putting in the work each chance I get with the F2F tools makes a difference because I fall more when I am not using it or in the mindset from using it (F2F) and trying to keep going I think the more momentum I have while doing the work in F2F the better off I will be.

I had a fall tonight. A combination of factors contributed. 
sleep deprivation, tired from work...
stress from another job i looked into might not working out again and not wanting to deal with it I wss avoiding it a bit I should have went to bed and called it a night. 
I think I am going to do it now. 

Had a fall last night