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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: Nothing to lose 8912 Views

Re: Nothing to lose - Update 75 05 May 2024 12:48 #412523

  • notezy
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Thanks Adam I am going to try this in my own way....
on top of that i set up this new plan with my app locking tool i am going to try blocking spotify and youtube / and the browser on my phone in genral...

I have stayed off it since I talked about it being an issue went out and did errands. Without music and podcast to drown on the noise..  felt different i have to give the controls of the app locking tool to my rabbi because it's under a temporary password so I could set up all the filter rules but I am thinking to block spotify and youtube to see how long I can go without the distraction and mind numbing... I am debating if I should get 24six (for those that dont knew what it is its basically jewish spotify) 
But I am not sure if Its worth using as crutch to get off the other forms of media or to quit everything altogether.  And just stoping using my devices for that stuff...
"Excuses are the tools of incompetence" -My Friends Friend. 

"Change will lead to insight far more often than insight will lead to change" -Milton H. Erickson

Re: Nothing to lose - Update 75.1 05 May 2024 14:50 #412531

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Talked with HHM he doesn't think 24six is a good idea because I can still use it as a mind numb-er... 
For right now I am not going to get it but I am still on the fence about it.
"Excuses are the tools of incompetence" -My Friends Friend. 

"Change will lead to insight far more often than insight will lead to change" -Milton H. Erickson

Re: Nothing to lose - Update 75 05 May 2024 23:48 #412592

  • vehkam
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notezy wrote on 05 May 2024 12:48:
Thanks Adam I am going to try this in my own way....
on top of that i set up this new plan with my app locking tool i am going to try blocking spotify and youtube / and the browser on my phone in genral...

I have stayed off it since I talked about it being an issue went out and did errands. Without music and podcast to drown on the noise..  felt different i have to give the controls of the app locking tool to my rabbi because it's under a temporary password so I could set up all the filter rules but I am thinking to block spotify and youtube to see how long I can go without the distraction and mind numbing... I am debating if I should get 24six (for those that dont knew what it is its basically jewish spotify) 
But I am not sure if Its worth using as crutch to get off the other forms of media or to quit everything altogether.  And just stoping using my devices for that stuff...

I definitely recommend 24/6. You can binge on rabbi kalish….
vehkam7@gmail.com

guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/375452-Work-in-progress

The Battle of the Generation by Hillel S. has been a huge help for me.  Message me to find out how you can receive a free copy.



some of the experiences I write about may make it easier to identify me.  This is ok.  I trust that if anyone discovers my identity they will keep it to themselves.  If you do realize that you  know me, I am completely comfortable and welcome you acknowledging me and my struggle in person.

Re: Nothing to lose 06 May 2024 03:06 #412600

  • chaimoigen
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Hey! I can definitely appreciate the conversation about how relying on media and being on your phone for stimulation can be the precursor to falling. I wrote a post about this a while ago that I titled my “Posture of Pornography” post, and I’ll quote it below. 

I do think that having something soul- quenching like music or a Shiur (or a curated podcast ) doesn’t necessarily create the same problem. 

here’s my post

I wanted to add in a word of further explanation about why I feel so strongly about not searching or browsing randomly online, especially when feeling bored. Even though the basic idea is obvious to anyone here. 
By definition a person who is "feeling bored" is person is feeling unstimulated and looking for stimulation. 

And there are 2 points I would share. 

1. Lust provides stimulation better than a lot of other things. So when a person starts looking to be stimulated and there are millions of potential websites or videos to search he will very likely be pulled by his boredom, to the one that has the promise of a little “tickle” of desire, because it’s more stimulating. And from there to next one, in which the tickle is more pronounced, more stimulating. One foot after another stepping along that slippery slope… I have a good filter, but...

An honest look back at the list of sites in one's search history, seeing at the end of the night how one thing leads to another - can be a very learning (and painful) experience... [I learned this lesson a long time ago, not recently, BH.] 

But there is a much deeper point, I think. 

2. The actual state of “going looking” to be stimulated is negative, I think. 
This point is subtle and is about a Madreiga too, I think But I’d like to elaborate, to put the concept out there. … 

If I’m sitting back and saying “I’m dissatisfied because life isn’t interesting or satisfying or engaging enough - so show me something to stimulate and interest/entertain me”. That’s a state of being passive about living, and looking for the world to service me. To stimulate me.  I think being that way opens a person up to things that aren’t great. Being there is already halfway there to going onwards to look at an image that will get my heart rate up. I'm saying something strong - this state itself puts a man into the posture of pornography.

I can’t really imagine a great person such as Rav Moshe, or any of my Rabbeiim, or my father shlit"a, for that matter, saying: “I’m bored. Make me feel good”. A purposeful, active  posture of living doesn’t have room for being stimulated by YouTube. 

A person who is comfortable with himself, with his thoughts and essence and feelings, does not shun inaction. He isn't bored or repelled by just being himself. And when there's a lull in the action, if he does not need to rest, he finds something positive and meaningful to think and act upon.   

Yes, this Hashkafa is firmly against the entire culture of TV, movies, entertainment, YouTube, news, and sports. Maybe it’s a little extreme to put fully into practice, and not relevant for an average guy (like me). But I’m sharing it for the concept, and for ways that can be applied, mostly for myself . 

I personally, have BH mostly successfully eliminated using the internet for recreational purposes.[משום מעשה שהיה , obviously. And I aint proud of that.] I don’t know if other people can do that. But for me it has been a complete game-changer.

I still get bored and look for things of interest. I’m not past that. I would like to get all the way there. For now, I am taking the step (among others) of not looking for stimulation by browsing or searching online bl"n. If there's something specific I want or need (including GYE) I will go get it (with a filter, obviously). But I don't wander. Because scary monsters live there. Some of them have even been known to wear my face …

And also, I would much rather be a little bored than full of that empty self-loathing for how I spent the past hour, even if I didn’t “cross the line”.

Please feel free to reach out anytime at chaim.oigen@gmail.com
Last Edit: 06 May 2024 10:38 by chaimoigen.

Re: Nothing to lose - Update 76 06 May 2024 05:49 #412611

  • notezy
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.
"Excuses are the tools of incompetence" -My Friends Friend. 

"Change will lead to insight far more often than insight will lead to change" -Milton H. Erickson
Last Edit: 06 May 2024 05:54 by notezy.

Re: Nothing to lose - Update 76 06 May 2024 05:50 #412612

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Day 1 
this is hard but i can see the benfit right away first off all I got to sleep without distraction.
I think i might have to limit my GYE time since I use it on my phone I think maybe 3 times a day instead of going into the app so often I will see.
Anyways this morning I woke up with some stress but not going to youtube or spotify to drown out the noise i feel better even though it's hard.
Now I just got to occupy my time better because it's still bein hazmanim 
Side note thanks for the advice chaim and vehkam.
"Excuses are the tools of incompetence" -My Friends Friend. 

"Change will lead to insight far more often than insight will lead to change" -Milton H. Erickson

Re: Nothing to lose - Update 76.1 06 May 2024 05:53 #412613

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Oh and it could have been somthing else but with a sample size of one day only... I felt almost no urges after I decided to stay off YouTube and spotify and stay off my phone more. And not let the mind become numb...
"Excuses are the tools of incompetence" -My Friends Friend. 

"Change will lead to insight far more often than insight will lead to change" -Milton H. Erickson

Re: Nothing to lose - Update 76.2 06 May 2024 11:26 #412622

  • notezy
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Mid way past day 2 this sucks I really want to walk back the no YouTube spotify thing already 
Even just to give myself a little bit of access for a few hours on my computer 
It's mind numbing trying to quite,
It's mind numbing to use...
"Excuses are the tools of incompetence" -My Friends Friend. 

"Change will lead to insight far more often than insight will lead to change" -Milton H. Erickson

Re: Nothing to lose - Update 76.2 06 May 2024 13:34 #412625

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notezy wrote on 06 May 2024 11:26:
Mid way past day 2 this sucks I really want to walk back the no YouTube spotify thing already 
Even just to give myself a little bit of access for a few hours on my computer 
It's mind numbing trying to quite,
It's mind numbing to use...

Dear Notezy,

I very much understand your pain. I have been working through this too, the past month or so. I wrote a post about it here.

Since that post, I have not been on YouTube. Last night, I went on again, for a little bit. My feelings towards it have definitely changed…It felt different.

I was mindful that this is called “wasting time”, when in the past I did not have that mindfulness.

I was aware that there are triggering stuff here and I better stop, while in the past, there was no space in my brain for that thought.

I even felt a little embarrassed with myself, like, what am I doing over here? Watching some mindless ABC or D, and…now what?

I was aware that I am again engaging in my favorite pastime called escaping, instead of being busy with living life.

I’m not saying that I am done with YouTube forever, that is a daunting thought, and won’t work for me.

(And, I do need some outlets, sometimes watching things, but that is a different discussion. I am referring specifically to the klippah called YouTube)

What does seem to be working is, slowly chiseling away at my love for it. If my love affair with YouTube can slowly be diffused, to the point where it's no longer an addiction, wouldn’t that be a major win?

I am hopeful, and just sharing that hope with you.

Perhaps by staying off it a bit, these feelings can be allowed to develop, at your own pace.

Have an amazing day!

Re: Nothing to lose - Update 76.2 06 May 2024 13:59 #412630

notezy wrote on 06 May 2024 11:26:
Mid way past day 2 this sucks I really want to walk back the no YouTube spotify thing already 
Even just to give myself a little bit of access for a few hours on my computer 
It's mind numbing trying to quite,
It's mind numbing to use...

Dude. This is an amazing step you took.

The problem now is you're bored. And don't have that sweet mindless entertainment you used to.
You need to fill the time. And asking you to go sit and shteig instead is maybe asking too much (though give it a shot?) So find a different thing to fill time with. Doesn't really matter what, whatever it is will be more productive. Some suggestions in no particular order: buy/borrow some books, exercise, get together with a friend, learn a skill (on the computer is fine ex. coding, but offline); learn an instrument; say tehillim. 

It's just a few days until the zman starts, you can get through this. Then once the zman starts note what times you typically use youtube to fill the void and fill it with something else. You'll probably also end up going to bed alot earlier, which is surprisingly helpful for being productive. 
We are not the same people we once were. We are not so locked into our urges that we have no choice. We can choose to give in or choose to win this battle today. We do not want to give in, the pleasure of giving in is false. 
With Hashem on our side our victory is inevitable; the only way we can lose is by giving up on playing the game.

Re: Nothing to lose - Update 76.2 06 May 2024 15:24 #412637

  • notezy
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All said is true...
Um still thinking about walking it back i dont know if cold turkey was the right move but i think i cant say it wasn't if i quite in 2 days i might allow myself in controlled settings some entertainment but I'll have to figure out a way were that is okay the thing is that is a slippery slope that I have been down before...
Maybe I'll set a system up were only I can watch one a week and if I see that it's not working I'll try cold turkey again I am messing with myself even entertaining this idea is just going to make it harder to quit I know...
"Excuses are the tools of incompetence" -My Friends Friend. 

"Change will lead to insight far more often than insight will lead to change" -Milton H. Erickson

Re: Nothing to lose - Update 76.2 06 May 2024 15:29 #412638

  • notezy
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I kept myself relatively busy today spent time with family nephews and such originized some photos for 1... daven both mincha and shacrish with a minyan without bringing the phone at all... did some learning but I find it hard to get myself to do anymore learning without a bit of entertainment and I don't read not jewish books for entertainment so I don't plan on starting... sorry all you gye Harry Potter fans lol I know we got a lot of those... 
Exercise I will go to the gym on the day I normally go but to get myself to do extra just unmotivated to get off my but in this state... anyways bein hazmanim is going to be up in a week and I think I will go out with some friends tommrow.
"Excuses are the tools of incompetence" -My Friends Friend. 

"Change will lead to insight far more often than insight will lead to change" -Milton H. Erickson

Re: Nothing to lose - Update 76.2 06 May 2024 15:29 #412639

  • notezy
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I kept myself relatively busy today spent time with family nephews and such originized some photos for 1... daven both mincha and shacrish with a minyan without bringing the phone at all... did some learning but I find it hard to get myself to do anymore learning without a bit of entertainment and I don't read not jewish books for entertainment so I don't plan on starting... sorry all you gye Harry Potter fans lol I know we got a lot of those... 
Exercise I will go to the gym on the day I normally go but to get myself to do extra just unmotivated to get off my but in this state... anyways bein hazmanim is going to be up in a week and I think I will go out with some friends tommrow. To keep me busy...
"Excuses are the tools of incompetence" -My Friends Friend. 

"Change will lead to insight far more often than insight will lead to change" -Milton H. Erickson

Re: Nothing to lose - Update 76.2 06 May 2024 15:36 #412641

  • notezy
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Does anyone know of a simple website blocking tool for windows 10 preferbly password locking, free or one time payment, just need somthing simple not really looking for a filter more a parental control screen time thingie..
"Excuses are the tools of incompetence" -My Friends Friend. 

"Change will lead to insight far more often than insight will lead to change" -Milton H. Erickson

Re: Nothing to lose - Update 76.5 06 May 2024 18:41 #412669

  • notezy
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Okay going to get ready for bed early tonight just wanted to summarize the day it sucks without going on youtube but I kept busy and still felt like I wasn't.
my biggest fear for tommrow is more time to dwell on having nothing to do... and I wanted to note that despite not being on youtube and such I did still feel urges on the street so I am not sure how much this change has helped although I am not doubting it has an effect for the good. 
"Excuses are the tools of incompetence" -My Friends Friend. 

"Change will lead to insight far more often than insight will lead to change" -Milton H. Erickson
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