An update on where I am right now.
first off struggling.
but more with apthey rather then urges.
Today I went to the mall with family and I saw stuff but stayed clean despite it although I find myself feeling in general like I am waiting for bein hazmanim to end so I can get back to being productive and consistent.  I concede that this is not a solid plan and if I ever want to see long term success I will have to stay consistent even through chaotic times in my life.
and I am not saying I am not trying during this time I just find myself not being very successful and it bothers me.
I could probably start by getting on a consistent sleep schedule and going to Shachris a little bit of discipline.. I say at 12:30AM 

notezy wrote on 24 Apr 2024 21:36:

Gutten Moed! 
What you write is so true- realizing that feeling good about yourself, feeling productive etc, helps you in the struggle. 
Feeling down, unproductive and shleppy, and bad about ourselves leads us to look for other ways to feel better. But they don’t work except in the moment…

Keep trucking to Cheirus, friend. 

Here’s a hand, 
Chaim 

Had a wet dream last night but stayed clean.
Then i went to Shachris this morning i was late... but late is relative when you go to a carlibach shul that ends 12:00PM because musical hallel ...
Anyway feel better already with just a bit of structure to my morning. I was on my phone a lot and got dragged to the mall again by family but this 1 was mostly empty and I didn't really have any urges and stayed clean anyways almost the end of the night now  so day 1

And got up late today missed Shachris ended up going on a trip today with family I thought I was in the clear but I had a slip/fall with smiras anyim  when I got home but I didn't spill seed and stopped.
I relized that I dont really have a plan for the moment when I have urges I have mostly been focusing on planning around not getting myself into hose places and avoiding it but anyone have some simple ideas that I can do preferbly not listening or reading somthing because I don't think I will have the patience when I am triggerd...

Excellent question. Avoiding the battle is most of the fight, but you need responses to urges too of course.

See THIS excellent post from Chancy:



There are some great resources on F2F to help with this too, primarily this one on urge surfing. Of course, the time to practice these things is when you are not triggered, so you can build the habit/strength/muscle memory to do it when you are triggered. 

Mid Day 2
Over correction: 5AM Shachris at the Kotel 

Hang in there. 
I think it may be good to try exploring this before you’re in the situation of lust. Try to visualize how you will feel and what will be your motivations, what do you really want? Examining the desires and visualising how you can respond differently, and visualize about how now you want to respond differently. Think about what patters have led you to feel that acting out is inevitable in certain situations, and if you really feel it still has to be that way, given what you want today. Creating pictures of how you want to act before you’re there can help later, in the situation, if you try to tap into them. 

And during, it helps to remember that most urges won’t last more than half an hour…. And that you’ll feel really good if you overcome… 

Wish I was at the Kosel. Have us in mind, friend. 

Gah had a fall 
a combenation of urges from aatalking with people and then going from stressed about having to help someone to then having free time when they didn't need me in the end going on my phone and down a rabbit hole. 
I read what you said and will try these things if i remember next time going to mainly try and sit with thoughts remind myself thry will pass in a hour and to be patience this isn't what I want despite what I say I feel.

Was clean a day and then another fall 

Was clean a day and then another fall. I need to setup this new lock tool but have to get the other 1 removed... waiting for the guy who has the password to be available... I still got the covenet eyes as a backup filter

I feel again tonight... I feel like I haven't really been updating on here.
I have the ability to set the new restrictions now I just got set up the new system. 
Been glued to my phone all day it's an issue constantly listening to somthing not really thinking about fighting.. I want to...

Day 1 

End of day 3

Mid day 4 I had a fall but I see I am starting to pull myself out of it I need to talk to someone but keep missing the time to call because of timezones.
I think what i need to do is take a break from media in general I am not living right. I just don't know if I have the strength to do it.
To quit all media this "entertain me" mindset is at the root of my problem. Distracting myself I shut of my brain or numb the thinking and then I fall.

I think you are spot-on about the "Entertain me" mindset. There are so many people in this world who are unable to spend any time "alone" with themselves. We are trained to be unable to be bored, even for a few moments. I have found a way to help break that cycle. It has helped me in many ways.

Obviously, I do not know you personally, so I don't know where you are right now. What I did was leave my home, either take a walk or a drive and put myself into a social situation WITHOUT any form of communication with you. 

You might start by walking 15 minutes out your front door to a coffee shop, getting a coffee, and walking back. Then, continue to stretch the time and physical distance of these "challenges." Initially, you may feel a lot of anxiety about not having your electronic leash with you, but at a certain point (and for me, it came very quickly), that anxiety will transform into "freedom," and you will feel a sense of calm and peace from being away from your devices. 

You may have a million excuses for not doing this. "What if my wife needs me? What if something happens to the kids, What if work calls, What if I get hurt etc...... Don't fall into this trap. 

Tell your wife or loved ones where you are going and an approximate time you will return. I am not suggesting going off the grid for a month. Just go grocery shopping without your phone or take a jog around the neighborhood. Just create separation between you and your devices.

I mentioned adding physical distance as well as time. There is a power of taking a ride or the subway to a place that you are not familiar with. The feeling of freedom explodes when you are forced to find your way around without having the crutch of Google in your pocket. Finding something to eat in a town or neighborhood you don't know can uncover hidden gems that you may never have found, or you will have a terrible meal but a funny story to tell people later on. 

I found this method by accident. I was running late for a meeting, and I left my phone at home and didn't have time to turn around.  I had to drive to the meeting about an hour from my home. When the meeting was over, my first thought was to run home as quickly as possible and get my phone. Instead, something came over me and told me to slow down, grab some lunch, and check out this new town that I may never go to again. It was incredible; the town was nothing special, but the time I spent alone was magical. My heart rate slowed, my mind was at ease, and I sat in a cafe with just my coffee and my thoughts. I thought about God, sports, the weather, the people walking by... a little bit of everything. If I had my phone, I would have just sat there scrolling something bad or reading emails, or just spending that special time with a soul-less device.

Spending time away from technology has become a central part of my recovery. I could not suggest it any stronger.

Give it a chance! What do you have to lose? except for some stress and anxiety