You definitely should celebrate

I agree you should celebrate that got 18 days! Me personally I get more motivation to take the right actions from people who are clean for a little time than the people with so much time, since I could relate more, so thanks for being an inspiration for me! Keep up the good work!!

Okay, thanks for the encouragement.
Start of day 1.

I again had some more AVE this morning but I didn't give in.
I found this recording on lionfree's 90day challenge applicable and helpful to me.http://guardyoureyes.com/GYEFiles /MP3s/Dov/Dov%20to%20Bochur %20News-story.mp3

What is AVE?

notezy wrote on 14 Apr 2024 18:31:

Hey, Here's a hug.

The fury in this post shows that the 18 and a half days have created change and growth. That part of you that is mad, feels that it wasnt worth it, and knows that you crossed a line that you did not have to. That part of yourself is still here, it's you and will help you get further.

Keep going. Onwards and upward.
This is the month of Cheirus, and you are tasting some. Sometimes it take a few rounds of Maakos and a sea to split, doesn't happen all at once. After all, it's not eazy. But you are on the road and are a fighter, a dreamer, and climber.

מאן דבעי חיים

A.V.E. from the Flight to freedom program Abstinence Violation Effect

I worked out the family issues so I have a lot less stress now.
pasech is still coming and the job thing still needs figuring out but thats manageable. 
mid afternoon day 1:
Still feeling urges when I see people on the street working on letting go without keeping it in my mind and not giving myself stress in the process 

Day 2 
back on the right path

Finished chapter 24 of TBOTG today.
it's a long but good chapter.
i dont really feel like writing a summary about it.
he covers: Ambition and avoiding arrogance.
Talks about how we are all in it together as the Jewish nation.
And how we must have ambition but avoid arrogance. We can't do this without hashems help we shouldn't compare ourselves to others because their is no equating if they are a holy person like a rabbi they might not have challenges like you do you might be acquiring more merit then them for this area so you might be getting more reward for this battle despite it seeming like you fail all the time and they dont.
but even so because you dont know each person's nisyon you shouldn't compare. And this goes the same for people below you so you shouldn't become arrogant.


My own thoughts: we must feel like we are achieving somthing in order to put in effort often we try taking shortcuts to this by comparing ourselves with others and either putting them down or saying they don't have as big a nisyon as me.
I find this to be very infective and generally leads to a sense of disappointment with one's lot for one reason or another.
I Think this is because we are viewing the world through the lense of their is not enough to go around a lack of abundance if you will.
And the positive alternative is to make a point to yourself that this isint true. And when you try to focus on yourself and what you can achieve without comparing you see you have all you need. 

This lack of abundance mindset can be attributed to a lack of faith or bitachon. Which is a battle with YH in its own right.

Anyways I think I am rambling and I can see my adhd coming out as I get off topic... and I got to go to work so I am going to end it here.

I guess I did have in me to write thst summary 

Hey Notezy! It's great that you did the great thing of just getting back on track! Don't let anyone tell you that you're less or not worthy! You got to 18 days, and beH you'll keep soaring! Be proud if yourself, my friend. Don't even think about the fall. Just think about how amazing you are, the amazing work your doing, and keep trucking!

Why thank you eerie. I am sorry to report but I fell again as I was going to bed tonight. So I'll start over tommrow. 
I think the cause was a lack of focus and clarity my mind has been a mess the last few days and I have been avoiding sorting that mess out and just consuming media to drown out the noise of it all and so as I tried to fall asleep tonight I couldn't really drown it out anymore with media so a fell to looking at things i shouldn't. 
Again quite dispointed with myself. I don't feel 100% right now.
Be'h ill use this fall as a spring board to sort myself out tommrow. 

I also wanted to add that image filter I have been meaning to get would probably come in handy it's a shame that the TAG in my area will only be open after pasech 

Not a great excuse. So temporarily install a different filter yourself. TAG being closed is the YH trying to get you to procrastinate.

Is it just your phone that's been tripping you up recently? Can you switch to whitelist filter - just for the week until pesach to put you back on your feet? Commit to not bringing your phone into your bedroom for a week? 

No I have 2 filter already (1 web chaver) (2 is a parental control tool) I was just thinking of getting a 3rd thing as an extra precautions. My hasn't been tripping me up so much although this would just be another fence for a section.