This one does count. Already. 

Greater awareness and sensitivity in the streets is a symptom of change. 

Realizing that the fall you are afraid of is not inevitable- at least not today - is something that you are experiencing. And that’s real, even though it’s notezy! 

Hang tight, brother.  

Good morning day 8 
first wet dream. I don't think I am going to write down all of them here but just wanted to note that it happend and I expect more to come now that I am more clean. Nothing I did to cause it.

notezy wrote on 03 Apr 2024 06:22:

Be proud of yourself!

Just finished chapter 23 of the book. So summary: 
nothing really stood out to me he was just building off what he said last chapter and reinforcing it.
Be proud of the victories. 
it's worth more in G/D's eyes because you are struggling and that means more effort.
and get excited about what you can accomplish...

Day 9 
I notice as I get my life together the battle becomes easier. 
The two are connected for me.

Struggling a bit today.
Lack of sleep, allergies and end of zman just messing with my head.
A job I had fell through so I got to figure out what I am doing to keep myself busy next week but I have a lead...

Just a thought I had: 
By feeding feelings of guilt (after a fall), you let yourself get away with more wrong through nihilism!
It's like giving the Yetzer hara the rope with which to hang yourself from!

And somthing my chavrusah said that goes well with it:
My chavrusah told me their is a saying:"Drivers go where they look."
In NASCAR, even during a spinout. When a driver loses control and starts spinning, their natural instinct might be to look towards the wall they're sliding towards. However, this can worsen the spin. But by forcing their eyes towards the direction they want the car to recover to, the driver can regain some control and potentially straighten out the car faster.This can be an analogy for life and this battle.We go in the direction we focus on!

Urges passed I want to say without a problem but it was a bit bumpy still they passed.

It's past 12:00 which means I am in the double digits Day 10
I had a good talk with HHM about the urges I had today signing off for tonight.

Wow, that's great!

Start of day 12

Near end of day 12
I tried out a diffrent job now that it's bein hazmanim (still doing the old one as well for now). Anyways this new one has a lot of physical labor and I think being exhausted like this is contributing to more urges I am handling it but I wanted to make a note I am more worried right now about the YH lowering my defenses and coming in later after the decent down the slippery slope...
TLDR: noting possible causes and staying vigilant to urges.

Signing off for tonight day 12
i am going back to do thst job tomorrow i am worried ill use this doubt as an excuse to give but the real issue is i am putting of preparing myself mentally for the fight with excuses I am to busy or distracting myself... 

Hatzlacha! I think that physical labor can be very healthy for you, be an outlet so you should have less urges BEH.

Keep trucking! 
Why do you think it is that exhaustion leads to urges for you? Does the exhaustion lead to urges, or does it lead to having less energy to resist them ? Or something else?