Hey SE if you want we can email eachothter. This way no need to check the emails that dont come. Ill send you like 25 a day!!! I thinkt that will work.

Now although im totally in agreement with you about the "holier than thou" approach, i think here it is different. We are dealing with our sanity. We are dealing with a HUGE  thing here. We need to take the steps no matter what. So lets try and think of a way we can present it that it wont sound so bad!!

RAGE I dediated an hour to you, the last night, whenI say your post. And i'mgonna dedicate the next hour of shmiras einayim to you,    just remembert that all these people think I'm a whacko...... oh well. Mutav Leadom Sheyikarie Shoteh Kol yamav, veal yehi rasha sha'ah achas lifnei hamakom!!

Don't worry, Rage, plenty of nuts here to go around!

Still clean, wow a whole day!!

Thanks SB for being there, i was carefull to avoid yichud with the laptop, and only because I just told you I will, not because I had any willpower to fight.  So thanks for being a part of my first day clean +13

OK! Keep on going!

You do have the willpower - you just need to find the right ways to focus it!

hmm let me geusss, not on a computer screen  ;D


Hey for all you ppls who are 'in on it' .  "It" happened last night, and "he" is seeing the yad hashem we heard lat week (for all those of you who actualy follow the kriah).    hmm I wonder what everyone else thinks I'm talking about  :D :D I gues it sounds like there is some top-secret meeting going-on at GYE 


he he he heeeeeeiiiiii  (in high pitch crackly voice)

Yet another day. so 2+13= Nachas Ruach Laborei Yisborach Shimo
Why not use the time to sober-up. I have found a new incentive. Shidduchim, truhfullyit's an old one. But It hits home, even in the middle of a nissayon. Since, hany girl that would marry me, knowing what I am doing, Is the exact opposite type of girl that I'm looking for. I know that eventualy I will reveal it, b4 an engadgement (after consulting da'as torah), but still, it's not me. And the kind of girl i'm looking for would not be inetersted in someone with such a level of kedusha.


Essentialy, if i was the girl, i would not marry myself.  "The only club i want to be part of, is the one I can't get into".  And that warped logic has helped me many times b4, why not use it again!!

Ok let me hear it.....  
BTW I did readd from the handbook today! go me! go me! yeh!!

shemirateinayim wrote on 04 Feb 2010 01:43:


i don't understand how do you count?? what are those numbers?

i recommend to you to dedicate your effortS by now to stay clean.

after you be clean for months, you can start to think of shidduch, and the history shouldn't bother you at all.
after all, you gonna be healthy B"H.  8)

BEHAZLACHA!!!

Day 3 kicking off to a good start

I had the usual morning nissayon, with all too many stimuli to act-out, and no-body will know wbout it other than hashem. But I actualy did myself the favor of rememebering my last post, and I did exactly that. I used Stage 2 of recovery to fuel my stage 1.  Hey why not kill 2 birds with one stone  :D. The perspective and outlook of stage 2, easily sobers me up.

So I'm thinking, is this why I want to go out with a girl. NO! Is this what I want to marridge to be about? No! Whel it will, if I do it just this once. And it won't change unless I don't do it this one time!!!  And BH I only repeated the idea 3 times, and it sobered me up about 90%. 

You see I am a walking example of chazal "Ain adam chotei elah im kain nichnas bo ruach shtus" I won't be mz"l or surf ____ unless I have this goofy feeling, and it makes loose all fealing of kedusha that I have! 

SO I am glad to share the news with ya'll  and i hope to check-in later today sometime.

3+13=A chazakah with previous momentum

Keep on rocking! Remember that you are powerless - we can't just dabble, or trust our own control...we need to stay far away.

Fantastic news...keep it up!

still kicking,  and I got a fire bruning within me, to get a propper mindset on love/lust! 

I want to NOT lust !   
I want to be clean !
I will fight my YH, untill he loses controll over me!
I will rebel against him!    >
I will stay kadosh today, and he will cry over my aliyah!! 

It's good to have a fire burning inside you - but that fire will only last so long. You have to get a steady flame, clear and calm, that will carry you through...plans for avoiding things, steady growth, etc.

KOT!!

I put myself back on the 90 Chart, but I messed up somehow on setting the start of my last clean day. Oh well, as long as HKBH knows, and you guys are following my thread.

Still good for today, and my 'wiithdrawal' period is the easiest one ever! but still a big nudge!  But I want to be freed, and I want to be able to go-out already. And i want an altered approach to this addiction, which by now has lessened alot!

Still trudging along, with 'that look' in my eyes......don't mess.

i did not read your story yet, sorry, but i saw ur posts about sending letters and i love ur sprit. i happen to be having a hard time staying clean right now so my chizik is stay strong its worth it this realy is no fun always falling.

I was gonna say something but when i saw that look in your eyes.................................IM OUTTA HERE!!