Firstly, yes you MUST POST. Just the the act of posting will help - knowing your friends at GYE are looking out for you.

Secondly, think positively. 13 clean days, Wow! just think what nuchus you have given to HaShem!!

Thirdly, certainly read all the handbooks, but don't wait.

Fourthly, do not be embarrassed to take off the glasses and avoid looking at women.

Just to finish yes I am very aware the tznius girls are much harder not to look at, (and by me the married frum ladies even more so! The yh always wants the worst why look at frum unmarried girls when you can do a bigger avara by looking at married women).

Ummmm... you're very not alone here. Yours tuly doesn't even know what the 12 steps are. I know I should be woking with something more than "I'm gonna do it this time - for real", but I just am not.

Kollel Guy wrote on 31 Jan 2010 14:10:


Nichamtani Bni Nichamtani

Day #1   Breishis bara Elokim...Bishvil Yisrael Shenikara Reishis, Ubeshvil Hatorah Shenikra Reishis.  
The world was created for us to live within the framework of torah. If I'm not going to grow, then "lamah Leey Chayim!!!

Of course, as Dov says, the first step of growing and following the torah is to be human!

Nah, Im too caught-up in my angelic nature to belittle myself to such things! The mear thought of it sends waves of mortality through my esoteric being!!

;D

MMhmmm...

The scary thing that all of us, on some level or another, really feel that way!

[/quote]

Nichamtani Bni Nichamtani

[/quote]

I know this is totally asinine, but it never says nichamtani bni nichamtani

In the Gemara Rosh Hashana when Rabbi Akiva comforts Rabbi Yehoshua who had to walk on his Yom Kippur with his money belt it says  בלשון הזה אמר לו: עקיבא, נחמתני, נחמתני

In the end of masechtas Makkos where Rabbi Akiva laughed when everyone else cried,  it says בלשון הזה אמרו לו: עקיבא, ניחמתנוִ עקיבא, ניחמתנו

There may not be any nichamtani bni nichamtani, but it did sound good!!!

thanks,  I guess this is yet another one of those "quotes" that people get wrong.  Thanks for the correct wording, and mareh mekomos!

I wonder where "bni" came from?

fall, 2 times! honesty hurts

But I once again got the realization that what I want to be, is a gadol beyisrael. What i want to do is learn, day night day, and during everything. What I don't want, is to be who I am. And I can't change myself unless I do all 12 steps.

So for my first trick, I will retype-without copy/paste all 12 steps, and in my own words.
1. I am powerless to try stopping my behavure. I cannot 'find a ratzon' or hear divrei chizuk, and then simply stay clean. Even if it works, I'm merely an addict on vacation I did that once, and it lasted 7 months. But i am back here. One day I may be that 'top bachur with big payos" being escorted to a hearing for some sex-related crime. It will be my picture on the front of every newspaper in the world. I will make such a  big chilul hashem, that even gehenom will not let me in! My family will dis-own me, and my wife will demand a get. My children's lives will be shattered, and i will be left to brood in prison, a victim to the horrors of prison life, crime, and violence. I will be beaten, threatened, cut, and mauled by the filth of american prisons. I will have to rewrite sefer Iyov. And therefor I must stop looking at these things, before they consume me! I must stop, even if I desire to continue. I will do what I don't want to.

2. Bechol Yom Yitzro Shel Adam Misgaber Alav, umivakeish Lahameeso, VeIlmalei Hakadosh Baruch Hu ozro, aino Yuchal Lo! It doesn't say "Lehachtio" no it says lehorgo. And G-D himself must step-in to save our skin. R tzaddok explains the zohar in parshas noach. That when the zohar says that there is no teshuva for this aveira, that means that the only way to do teshuva is by putting it in hashems hands. Tatty save me from the Y"H!!
3. Focus on each individual nissayon, one at a time. And weigh how this will break the kesher I have with hashem. How will this drag me farther away from kedusha? how menutak will i feel after doing this? OK, and then how will I feel if I don't do it?  OK now let's make a choice, how would I like to feel?  hmmmm not such a hard question.      Every single nissayon instills within me a level of kedusha exual to all the tumah that went into that Y"H. And since B"H there is so much, time, creativity, artistic talent, editing, graphix, acting, driving, and trillions of dollars going into my Y"H, so I get a schar equal to ALL of that! Whywouldn't I overcome it. I should do it as a zchus for someone!

4. A little bit of cheshbon Hanefesh. WHo am I? no realy.... cmon, be alittle more truthfull.  A what addict? you can't stop what-ing?  How often?  Hmmm that isn;t normal is it? Why are you such a menuval? why such a perv?  because I'm a porn-addict.

5. it sounds like step 5 is viduy bipeh, and thus called teshiva. but what they dpn't know, is that this must come together with step 1 called charata lesheavar. HEy where is the kabala Leatid? ha ha ha I forgot that I do that after every fall - sad humor

6.Bracing myself to let hakadosh baruch hu help me. Pischu Li Pesach Kechudo shel machat.  Hamekadesh es atzmo milmata, mekadshim oso milmalah. 

7. Tefillah, for Hashem to help me not be choteh in these areas

8. Make a list of how this addiction, my time spent on GYE included, harms my family, and how I never get anything done on time as a result. Also including a detailed description of how I reacted impropperly as a direct result of this.

9. make it up to them, make the bonds that our relationship never had

10. Take a daily cheshbon hanefesh, before going to bed. Be mochel everybody, and be modeh to my shortcomings. yes what i did WAS wrong

11. I'm realy stumped as to how this relates to addictions, but essentialy SLAA holds we all gotta work on our avodas hashem, simply put. I guess that all the spiritualy starved peoples out there are all porn junkies, and there shows a great trend of sobriety among the emesdik ovdim (catholic preists excluded)

12. "Having a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps"  sorry but I can't help not making fun of these weirdos. Cmon religion is supposed to make sence. Yiddishleit is real, and applicable, and not a load of fluffy mush! Basicly once your'e clean, and doing well. Enjoy the aliya and shteig away.    And use the oppertunity to help other people

13. Midas harachamim

14.comes after 13

15. scan a handwritten letter, and email it to GUARD thanking him for this site.

Being honest yet another fall this morning.  I need to make drastic changes, and soon!

Most importantly, I need to learn alot more, and on top of that, regularly read the booklets and handbooks.

thanx for the timely reponse


no filter.    and I gotta use private browsing every time I use GYE (so it won't come-up as th esingle most visited site in the history).

It's not my computer, so I can't just say "hey ema let's put-onna filter so me and abba won't watch p___ !"  . My parnts are the type to start scrutinizing everything I do, if I was to bring it up. They already have almost no respect for me, and are genuinely shocked that every adult that gets to know me, goes ot of their way to praise me. People have asked to meet them, to see "the graet people whom It must have taken to raise such a son", BH everything they didn't give me, I work-on myself and took from my rebeim. But mostly I worked on it myself... like shmiras Einayim.

I'm sorry, man - you've gotta keep yourself busy with something. I don't know what, but you've gotta figure something out.

And I have every confidence that you will.

RAGE: I try so hard not to get the 'frumer than thau' attitude from them. And I try SO hard to not make them feel uncomfortable with my personal chumros. But that is definitely a red line, and my mother will stare throughme, and want to see what I do online. What am I typing all the time? Emails to whom?      and 90% of what i do is GYE Forum. the other 8% is P___ and 2% checking for emails that I almost never get.

a few hours later, and I'm still clean.

truthfully i am either gonna take a 2 day internet break, and have someone update this for me,  or I'm gonna limit myself to two fifteen minute intervals of GYE use a day.  i waste way to much time on here. But it's far better that what I would be doing off of here.  (I will spend the free time doing chessed and learning torah, an "old passtime I used to enjoy")

shmirat, i sent you PM.  :-X