got glasses, and A percription of of over 7.5 . But I can do my shmiras einayim with them on, plus I can't do anything without them on!!    I rarely take them off, exept for when I am forced to speak to a shiksah, and can't bring myself to do it while being shomer einayim. I'm not shure how, but it makes it much easier to do while looking  at the floor, when everything is realy fuzzy.  BTW R Efraim Greenblatt has a tshuvah written to a group of bachurim, in which he rules that one need not BUY an ADDITIONAL pair of glasses to wear on the street. Just immagine If he said yes !?

People think I'm nuts, oh well, so why dissapoint them. right? just keep looking at the floor and admiring the walls. Tryly is a geordious piece of artwork, I must say!  Just look at those brushstrokes close-up!    Hey I actualy used to do that, when I started SHmiras Einayim, I would examiine the fiber and weave of people's suit jaackets, untill I made my way safely out of shul.  BH Adam Mekadeish es atzmo meat milmatah, mekadshiim oto harbeh milmalah!

I hear you - my prescription is pretty high, as well. And it seems like a massive step, there's a feeling of a loss of control. But that's the point - instead of fighting a constant struggle, we hand it over to hashem - at least, while we're doing things we don't need glasses for. Learning can work, listening to a shiur, or even just sitting around waiting, talking to people, etc.

Avoiding a nisayon is the goal, not facing ones we don't have to. Plus, we're not supposed to try to be stranger than we need to, right?

Nah, the more I care about being normal, the more of a nissayon I have to look (even if just over their shoulder). Still if they aren't dressed tzanuah, It's not so simple that it's mutar (I asked my posek, and he responded by frowning). Apparently there is SOME basis to allow pritzus to be veiwed in your periphral vision, but  my posek wasn't gonna let me do that. Also, when I try to be 'normal' then I'm forced to crack some jokes, and I tiptoe along the line of kalus rosh (hey I'm a guy, and my warped ind works like that).

The more I can accept looking like a nutcase, the better I will be at shmirat einayim. Baduk Umenuseh!

Day 13 I am physicly wiped, and emotionaly drained, i an wiped! But I must take controll of myself and not allow myself to be controlled by my urges and addiction. I will choose to not look at women, and I will choose to not use the internet other than this site. I choose to be shomer einayim from TV screens, and I am now deciding that I should attempt to pay no attention to the voices of the broadcasters and news-anchors. I have Bechirah Chafshis, and I can choose to do whatever i want!

I choose to be clean today, and we'll see about tommorow after I finish shachris, or mybe an hour after that (a man has to eat breakfast, eddictions can wait)....

Oh and I get a very big mazal tov, the wall gabai told me how to click on the choice of listing myself on the 90 day chart. You can now tracj my progress, as I attempt to meet and beet my last record! Just that this time i am gonna have to aloow a greater allowance for laziness in shmiras einayim, I'm not in EY anymore!

What do you mean? You should be even MORE careful now that you're in the ol' chutz?

There i walked dowwn the street and saw ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. I just mentaly, and visualy 'blacked out' everyone who I thought was a woman. I once did this to my Rosh Yeshiva Shlita (I misstook his frak for a dress, and his 'build' for a woman  :D), he kindly inroduced himself, and we all had a good laugh!   In EY I went to shabbos meals at the home of somebody with girls my age, and never once saw what they looked like! Although when they invited me to be a ben-bayis by them, I didn't want to do that (I felt it would end-up being an uncomfortable arrangement)

But there all the girls dressed like a 'bas melech', and they acted like it!! So for me to be pogeim that and look at them, is something I have almost no YH to do. You see I have a much easier time being Shomer Einayim with tzniusdik gils/women.

But in America.... I feel like a nutjob, the women sidesep INTO my field of vision, TRYING to be seen. I feel like an idiot every time i walk to the counter. I feel like a dufis every time I need to ask a woman for something! They all say things about me behind my back, and people LOOK DOWN on me for being shomer einayim! It's a whole new ballgame, and I stink at sports.

Additionaly I learnt in a very shelered city in EY, the only chilonim where kids going off the derech. And 90% of them are boys. So there was no real pritzus, except for the occasional lack of tnius. My nissyonos where by the shabbos table, and that was about it! I had a reputation for being shome eianyim, so the avreichim I ate by would be surprised if I did otherwise (they where also impressed that I didn't look  even once at their wife)

I regret to inform you all, that I had a fall this morning, at least the primary cause was merely the habbit. I will not start counting days on the chart untill I read the entire handbook, since I feel that those days don't count as sobriety. They are merely an extent of time that I happened to stay clean, untilizing SOME of the 12 steps. However, in-order to retain the benefits of accountibility, I will continue to port (B"H) daily updates, counting the days clean that it took me to read the necessary materials.

Anyone have any other ideas for me?

FALL    after 13 days

I know wxactly what you mean by the frum girls walking on the street. My friend said it to me and I was like "What? That makes no sense!" Then I realized it makes perfect sense. The untnzius girls are Pashut. Once you see them you know it is Assur and they are Assur. But the tznius girls are more like "Hmmm not so Assur and maybe Shayach....and they arent dressed in a bad way anyway so why cant I look?" I agree it is more difficult with them.

With regards to your fall, I would say to take more extreme measures to change your attitude on life and most importantly Hashem. Look at how good you have it and not at the bad that you have. Realize that all is from Hashem.

Have a great day!

-Yiddle

No way........











Then on the other hand, yes way for the 13 which you will now keep forever.
See I started seeing it like this: As we are who we are, the default IS that we will fall.
That is our natural habitat.
We will automatically gravitate to there.
Our job is to do something against our nature.
That means swimming upstream.
I don't know if you've ever tried swimming upstream, but it isn't easy.
I personally never either did, but it's considered difficult enough that it became a saying.
So better proof than that - We don't really need.
Like always, right now you have to just get up.
Ignore the fact that you fell.
Teshuva starts in a week from now.
Right now you can't do teshuva because your nuts.
Depressed = nuts.
And if your not depressed then your really nuts.
Just ride this one out like we all have done.
That's ultimately what got every one of us out of our situations.
Hope to read a happy and upbeat post of yours tomorrow, with at least 3 pages of Maharal.

ROCK ON!!

I got way too much simchas hachayim to be depressed about this. And with everything going-on in my life,everyone i speak to is SHOCKED that I'm not dperessed!!! 

no I'm placid, menuchas Hanefesh, and I gotta do it better this time, and try warding-off a fall much longer.

Wow I think I completely misread your post SE. Disregard the beginning of my previous post on this thread as a response too yours. It is just how I feel in general :-[ :-[ ;D ;D

-Yiddle

Sorry, i just have a weird way of expressing myself in type. I start a new idea every 2 sentences. Now normaly when speaking, I can talk fast enough to almost keep-up with my train of thought, so I just sound very exited (you should here me darshen!!), but in type, I can make no sence.

mochel - not an issue.

You had 13 beautiful days of being clean - and you're going to start again, and do more of that!

Remember, you're not trying to "ward off a fall" - you're living a different life, becoming a healthier person that doesn't do that anymore. You're changing the way you see things. The yetzer hora wants you to think that you're fighting this struggle, pushing directly against him, and it's just a contest to see how long you'll last - stop pushing against him and just step away, so he'll fall down (not sure if you get the imagery I'm thinking of). You're not competing with him - you're leaving that struggle, and doing something else instead!

Is there anyway to prepare yourself for when your habit takes over, and plan to do something to avoid the issue?

As far as being normal - if you're not wearing glasses, then it's not an issue. It sounds like you're already very good at being an extremist, and it hasn't necessarily worked perfectly for you. You don't have to be any friendlier - in fact I'd recommend that you not. Stay politer and cordial, but professional. But without your glasses on, they don't have to know that all you see is a blur. You're acting and looking normal, while retaining the craziness that you need, and that we love!

day 3???

Cmon guys, I need your oppinion, should I wait untill I realy start working at the 12 steps, handbook and GYE attitude? or should I continue my posting and updates, even doing warped version of the derech?

To be honest, I'm not realy working on the steps so much, more-like the general idea of them (tefillah and approaching nissyonos knowing i'm an addict) Sorry for being a descrase to this site, oh yeh and recomending the steps t so many other people (I'm not  hypocrit, I kow it's the right thing, I'm just not doing it myself)

please don't let GUARD read this post...

shemirateinayim wrote on 31 Jan 2010 07:15:


Anyone who cares enough to be here, and wants to improve, isn't a disgrace, they're someone to be prioud of! For the site, for Hashem, for themselves.

I say continue posting, but do start moving on the handbooks, and 12 steps.