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shemirat einayim. Finally going on the chart

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TOPIC: shemirat einayim. Finally going on the chart 13931 Views

Re: shemirat einayim. Finally going on the chart 08 Mar 2010 06:23 #56871

shemirateinayim
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lonliness can bring a person down, very much! I had a long and difficult nissayon this evening (morning for the EY chevra), and realized that the companionship of talking to someone, can give me the happiness I am looking for. A wholesome feeling of goodnes.

And it's funny how my Y"H has finnaly steped down to the level of 'Cmon _____ let me pleasure you with histaklus. You know you want to do it, just look at kosher pictures of an eirlicha bas torah. The shmutz revolts you, and breaches in tznius awaken that spark of kanaus, so simply look at kasher tzanua pics from their school websites. You have to know what type of girls go to that seminary, to write them off when rhed to one." That's funny, because kolhamistakel be'etzba ketana shel isha, keiluh mistakeh bebais hatoref!! If I am looking at wedding pics, or web-albums, or onlysimchas it;s all the same as looking at p---.

the only loophole, is if I cover their faces with the mouse, while looking at their clothing (don't get me wrong, I have done this). But as krum of a 'heter' as it may be, there is only one reason why I am doing it...... halevai those people could see me lusting at their pics, and shmash me over the head with a chair!!! mybe that will kjnock some sence into me, or out of me....whichever works better.

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Re: shemirat einayim. Finally going on the chart 08 Mar 2010 08:31 #56883

onelife Current streak: 6 days OFFLINE Gold Boarder Posts: 247 Karma: 0	SHEMIRAS, just tell you KUTGW gever! 8) read your posts for me takes a lot of time , please forgive me. love you.
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Re: shemirat einayim. Finally going on the chart 08 Mar 2010 16:45 #56940

silentbattle Current streak: 1628 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 3734 Karma: 15	Your insight is always wonderful to hear - I'm very glad to hear that you're facing your issues, and growing! keep on rocking!
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Re: shemirat einayim. Finally going on the chart 08 Mar 2010 19:55 #56985

shemirateinayim Current streak: 2 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 746 Karma: 0	silentbattle wrote on 08 Mar 2010 16:45: Your insight is always wonderful to hear - I'm very glad to hear that you're facing your issues, and growing! keep on rocking! which insights...the one about covering their faces with the mouse? I wasn't trying to give you any ideas.... Or the one about letting thos "people" bash me over the head with a cair? my doctor doesn't recomend it
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Re: shemirat einayim. Finally going on the chart 08 Mar 2010 22:37 #57021

the.guard Current streak: 697 days OFFLINE Moderator Posts: 6438 Karma: 137	shemirateinayim wrote on 07 Mar 2010 17:07: And the story in gan hachayot still brings a smile to my face...... you should have seen HER face :D I wonder what she was thinking )what she was sayiong came-out in a disbeleiving stutter! ;D no exadurations) Where can I find this story? I don't recall reading it...
	Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest. Last Edit: by .

Re: shemirat einayim. Finally going on the chart 09 Mar 2010 01:02 #57059

silentbattle Current streak: 1628 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 3734 Karma: 15	I mean your insight into yourself, as you're starting to truly face yourself...
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Re: shemirat einayim. Finally going on the chart 09 Mar 2010 14:41 #57127

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shemirateinayim wrote on 07 Mar 2010 17:07:

I only learnt of shmiras einayim, through an interesting bit of hashgacha pratis, when I first hit ROCK BOTTOM 4 years ago. I had been surfing through the most vile shmutz online, trying to find anything that might still exite me. I tried various form of revolting contect, all sickening, but still capable of giving me a mild pleasure. Untill I snapped. I was discusted with myself and could not bear to see what had become of me. And in a life-changing turn of events, I found frumteens.com with their thread of GF, shomer negiah, and a reffrence to 'The Magic Touch'. Although I wasn't yet involved with girls, the book (or website) mentioned a teshuva in the igos moshe, about GF. I went to the beis medrash and looked it up..... uh oh! B"H, although I was about to while my hand was doing what it shouldn't, I made a kabalah to try being shomer einayim, even if I couldn't do it online. I looked for sefarim, and came-up empty handed. my yeshiva didn't have any sefarim to help, except for a little breslav one dumped on a shelf in the otzar. (Being the gabai sefarim, I knew the whereabouts and story behinfd every single one). I triedlearning it, and it gave me a good jump start. I looked for the halachot, but found nothing in the Shulchan Aruch, more than "any geder you set for yourself, has the paower of an issur dirabanan". So I set gedarim.
1. I could not longer walk down a certain street, I could no longer look at a certain house. No more looking around shul for a 'certain someone', and no more trying to flirt with her.
2. Do not look at women, any women.

It was very. very hard....gehenom. It physicaly hurt me to close my eyes, and I suffered umbearable agony to look away! But with the passing of time (months) I started to get the hang of it. I would firts move my eyes away, or focus them on the weave and pattern on the jacket of the person in front of me. I stopped eating-out, and locked myself into my yeshiva's building. I finnaly had my shmiras einayim under controll. I could eat-out (occasionaly) and not look at the hostess. Although in truth, it wasn't untiill half a year ago, that doing so didn't bother me.

But my battle was not to look at physical women. It has an issur of it's own...and you will shudder when I show you what it is (send me a PM to hear it). I never started bettling my hz"l and hirhurim...untill I found this site.

SO the best answer I have for you, is that in this area, I have toiled and pained myself SO MUCH, that I have no Y"H. And the story in gan hachayot still brings a smile to my face...... you should have seen HER face :D I wonder what she was thinking )what she was sayiong came-out in a disbeleiving stutter! ;D no exadurations)

I think that you are quite unbelievable. That you were able to gain control over your eyes is an incredible feat. I always feel that yes, I can control my hands (m…) and I can avoid places which will get me going or browsing the internet etc. But, control of my eyes!! No way, that is way out of my depth. So to me what you have written is pretty awesome.
shemirateinayim wrote on 07 Mar 2010 23:35:

I had an amazing realization today. That when I am enjoying the scenery of a park, or basking in the glory of the ribino shel olam's beutifull world, my first reaction is for hz"l. In my mind the two are equal, enjoyment=tayvas nashim. And it took me 20 minutes of implementing the steps to drill it into my head, youcan enjoy something, without acting out!

Yes, I know the feeling. BTW in SA chizuk email 363 by coincidence the same idea was discussed.
A while ago I started a thread with this same feeling which you actually responded to.
rehab-my-site.com/guardureyes/forum/index.php?topic=1477.msg41720#msg41720
My idea was that if we would focus on these experiences and post them, then we would be able to maximize their effects to replace and overcome the cheap sensuous feeling which we get from lusting. What do you think?

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Re: shemirat einayim. Finally going on the chart 09 Mar 2010 18:49 #57163

shemirateinayim
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Hashem gives everyone their ability. Some have specific capabilities that other lack, yet they are lacking in areas which others find so pashut. My upbring and 'history' came me theunsual advantage to acheive such feats....at the expense of 10 years of my life. I will not elaborate on the forum, despite this being the reason behind my addiction. sorry

It wasn't easy for me either...it was ohysicaly and mentally painfull!!!!! Just that I have the techuno hanefesh to inflict such pain on myself.

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Re: shemirat einayim. Finally going on the chart 10 Mar 2010 03:05 #57252

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Every day, we start the day entreaaqting Hashem to fulfill our needs for the day. And although we undoubtably strive to be mispallel throughout the course of the day, for all our various needs, we none the less ask for our needs by shacharis.

Why should it be any different for the 12 steps. When the Y"H comes knocking, I often "lose interest" in being sober (didn't hit my head hard enough on the rock floor) and I simply don't want to fight. But metzad sheini, I don't want to lose. So I am left in an agonizing predicament, struggling to not slip, while not allowing myself to implement the steps.

Why not daven before the aveira, and do all 3 BEFORE I have the nissayon. I tried it today, and I just barely had the willpower to implement the steps. And as soon as I do, I feel AWSOME, becom I am misdaveik with my tatte in himmel. I focus in Yichud shemo yisborach...ain ood milvado.... and poof it's gone!

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Re: shemirat einayim. Finally going on the chart 10 Mar 2010 16:52 #57367

silentbattle Current streak: 1628 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 3734 Karma: 15	Sounds great! Rock on!
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Re: shemirat einayim. Finally going on the chart 10 Mar 2010 19:47 #57404

Steve Current streak: 5034 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder I Posts: 903 Karma: 2	Whoa. Mega whoa. it's really unbelievable how this big giant monster of the Yetzar Hara, that you could never climb over all these years, can in a second turn into a molehill that you can just step over. Just be careful not to stub your toe...! Fantastic, my friend. KEEP GOING!!!
	No one is so small that he can not give help, and no one is so big that he doesn't need it. Kol HaOlam Kulo, Gesher Tzar Meod, V'HaIkkar: Lo L'Pacheid Klal. Last Edit: by .

Re: shemirat einayim. Finally going on the chart 10 Mar 2010 22:55 #57444

shemirateinayim
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Molehill?

The Yetzer hara is like an anthill. When you step on it, you feel bold an empowered. But without realising it, hundreds of ants are now climing up your show, slowly making their way up your pants. Their slow itch drives you nuts, untill you lose total controll of your actions.

and then you come onto GYE and say...I slipped.

What about those cute chipmunk holes? they don't come out as long as you are looking at them, and to get rid of them you just "moke um out". Let's make the YH one of those

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Re: shemirat einayim. Finally going on the chart 11 Mar 2010 18:26 #57567

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MY YH cam callign this morining. You are so warm and cosy, so comfortable and relaxed. There is a laptop a foot away from you, just roll over and opne a "private browser". No-one will know, and it will be fun!

SO I told him. "Your mamah's so fat that when she rolls over, the world moves off it's axis!"

so he goes " Those earthquakes wheren't her fault....she had hichups....and son't you be bashing my mama!"

SO I go " Ha the YH is a *****!!! he can't even articulate or ununceate a propper english sentence."

SO he goes, you DEAD MAN, you'ze be going D-O-W-N man. I will pop you man...you gonna get popped!"

SO go....Tatte I'm gonna fall bigtime!
1. I cannot overcome the YH, he's gonna lintch me and leave me for dead!
2. Ain od milvado...Yisrael Af al pi chechatu Yisrael heim. And Yisrael is roshei teivos "Yeish Sishim Riboh Otiyos Batorah" and a sefer torah that lacks even one letter is passul!! And every letter must be written bishlaimuso! WHen a beis is missing even that little chup on the bottom right, it's only kasher bidieved and marriade is compared to a Beis (R palmesky

) where noth lines run paralel and do ot intersect. A husband and wife are different and must learn to operate in correlation with each other unique carachteristics.. Now if I can';t hol a weeks sobriety, than how am I gonna ever be there for my wife..I will focus on my lust and self fulfillment over HER needs. Tatte I wana be close to you, and even though I may have overslept to many sof zman krias shema's and missed a few minchas...I am stil your son. I should not forfeit the kircah we could share right now! Every little avaira counts. So If i'm gonna miss a tefilla, why should I also watch p-------? What kind of warped sevara is that. The one of the prewar gedolei olam once saw a mechalel shabbos smoking. And he told him "nu muktza?" so the guy says , "muktza, ha what about ha'avara!! it's a deoraysa!" so the gadol told him, "you think that just because you don't care about a deoraysa, you are allowed to do a derabanan...muktza you will also pay for" NOTE: Gemara yevamos, It is possible to do 8 chayvei kareis, and onlyhave to "pay for" one of them...storeis are innacurate

3. Tatte, save my _____ (depending ont he word you filled in, we know what type of language you use

I meant tuches)

4. Ummm if I do this I gotta tell my sponsor, and he is gonna feel liike all the chizuk he gives me is going down the tubes!! BH it's working well

(when you see this, say hi)

5. WOw it;s such a ruchniusdik avoda fighting the YH that I don't want to stop doing the steps (stpe 2-3)!! This is awsome! Mybe we can get the "bilvavi mishkan evneh" to write a perek on the 12 steps!!! It is SO up his alley.

DOV the ranting was dedicated to you

Last Edit: 14 Jun 2015 15:12 by kedusha.

Re: shemirat einayim. Finally going on the chart 11 Mar 2010 18:29 #57568

silentbattle Current streak: 1628 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 3734 Karma: 15	SE, I'm glad to hear that you're doing well. You make me smile! Thank you!
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Re: shemirat einayim. Finally going on the chart 11 Mar 2010 20:05 #57591

shemirateinayim Current streak: 2 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 746 Karma: 0	silentbattle wrote on 11 Mar 2010 18:29: . You make me smile! Thank you! I try very hard....
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