ainshumyeiush wrote on 13 Nov 2023 17:04:

100% 
It’s def something to avoid in the future and it def tripped some urges in me until I was able to just delete it. 
reminded me of why I deleted it in the 1st place even though Instagram by itself was never the primary trigger for me. 
grateful for the content filters that prevented any slips or falls. 
web chaver picked it up though so my wife got a couple emails. 
she knows about previous issues of mine and the constant struggle and is on board with it but she wasn’t thrilled about it. 
bh I could tell her with 100% honesty that I didn’t view any explicit content. 

ainshumyeiush wrote on 13 Nov 2023 17:04:

100% 
It’s def something to avoid in the future and it def tripped some urges in me until I was able to just delete it. 
reminded me of why I deleted it in the 1st place even though Instagram by itself was never the primary trigger for me. 
grateful for the content filters that prevented any slips or falls. 
web chaver picked it up though so my wife got a couple emails. 
she knows about previous issues of mine and the constant struggle and is on board with it but she wasn’t thrilled about it. 
bh I could tell her with 100% honesty that I didn’t view any explicit content.

Bh 24 days for me. 

while I bh haven’t fallen or slipped to look at explicit content I have had some urges and bad thoughts as well as a pretty explicit dream/fantasy. 
I know I can’t fully control that but it does bother me immensely.

not sure what I can do to change that part. 

tp1 wrote on 20 Nov 2023 03:17:

If you keep working on the things that are in your control, eventually the other thoughts and dreams that are not in your control will die down.  

Feeling bad about it is generally not helpfu. Try to focus on the positive things you are doing.  

Thanks. 

bh I’ve done well in regards to content and chats etc. and no falls in that regard. 
my initial goal in this journey was to cut that out of my life entirely and bh I am on my way. 
It’s the real life scenarios that start messing around in my head that I’m struggling with the most. 
Part of this renewed effort on my part is to get a closer relationship with Hashem. 
bh masturbation isn’t my issue as it’s been years 7+ at least since that has happened. 
however I struggle with the knowledge that I am trying to get that real close relationship and yet I still have these fantasies/thoughts that intrude into my brain. 

tp1 wrote on 20 Nov 2023 03:49:

Don’t go it alone.  Invite hashem into the struggle. Tell hashem what is bothering you about the fantasies, spell out what you feel you can do to help fight this challenge and ask Hashem sincerely to grant you success in this endeavor.   Letting yourself be vulnerable and open with hashem in this way should help bring you close and should not allow for guilt which is usually the tool of the yetzer hara….

Unbelievable advice!!!!! Vehkam is a true Tzaddick

tp1 wrote on 20 Nov 2023 03:17:

Normal and expected. Be patient and stay focused. Avoid all conscious triggers while completely ignoring subconscious thoughts. Don't panic or get frustrated from them - dreams included. Eventually the subconscious gives up. Continued hatzlocha. You are a hero and an inspiration.

Hashem Help Me wrote on 20 Nov 2023 12:30:

Thank you!

haven’t had a chance to call you yet but I will. Thanks for all that u do. 

Hey all

had a rough day. 
was going through some old google photos and stumbled across some content that I guess had been downloaded at some point onto one of my devices and uploaded into my google photos account. 

def set off all the bells and whistles in my brain. 
I very nearly fell down the rabbit hole of going into some old sites and chats that would have been a fall for me. 
I held on though bh but was a rough 10 minutes till I removed myself from the situation. 
Part of me wanted to go back. 
justifying and convincing myself that it as I would only look at the hock chats and not the ones with the content.
I would have probably fallen had I not made it extremely difficult to get the access. (Deleted telegram web and mixed up that specific work phone that I had used with 30 other phones)

grateful too all of you and grateful for not falling myself. 

tp1 wrote on 28 Nov 2023 03:06:

Hey! Pat yourself on the back and give yourself a hug. That’s an accomplishment! Those rationalisations and arguments to just look at certain chats etc- you didn’t fall for it!!! 
And yes, you DO get credit for limiting your access so those 10 minutes weren’t fatal. 

may have been a rough day. 
But sounds like one to celebrate from where I stand. 

Keep Trucking!! 

LiChaim

Hey all 

rough day for me yesterday.
Def had some slips but no falls down into the rabbit hole thank god and was able to get out quite quickly.
Its amazing how quickly the urge/fantasy part of your brain can go from 0-100.

Also my wife is weirded out by the whole gye thing. Not sure what is the best way to respond to her about it.
She knows i have had issues in the past and without filters and other things i would fall again. 
I am pretty open about that to her.

thanks for the support 

tp1 wrote on 06 Dec 2023 19:26:

Tell her she doesn't have to join if she doesn't want to.

Hey guys

Had a real sketchy last couple days.
The urges came roaring back unlike anything i have dealt with the last few weeks.
I wanted to try new things, I wanted to see new things and ideas which while i have had thoughts before never affected me so much.
No falls in regards to rejoining old chat rooms and groups which were the primary reason for starting this journey, but definitely some slips and toeing the line and coming close in regards to other things
I have a weird hierarchy of priorities that i am trying to avoid.
Since Masturbation is not an issue for me (thank god) my primary and end goal in this journey is to work on my lust/urges/fantasies and the need to live my life in a kadosh and tahor way in my relationship with hashem (and my wife).
However i do have my danger zones that i believe are more important in regards to potentially falling and acting out that are more important to me right now in the bigger picture.
The main thing that affected me more then anything else were the chats and groups of "frum" jews that i was on.
Those were a huge danger zone for me. Though i have never acted out, these would waste a tremendous amount of my time and mental space.
While obviously the end goal is to avoid all urges, thoughts and inappropriate content, those do not make as much of a dent in my mental space as the groups that i used to be on because since they were "frum " jews it messed with my head a lot more then seeing a naked goy. 
So primary goal is to not revert into those old habits.
Obviously the end goal is to avoid all imaging thoughts and urges but those dont make as much of an impact on my brain.
Obviously i am pissed off at myself that i slipped in regards to some things but at the same time i did not fall back down the old rabbit hole.

Doesn't make me feel any better and honestly i feel quite angry with myself.
I am now afraid that i have this new thing tugging at me and its scary and annoying.

Thanks for letting me vent

Have you reached out to HHM?