chooseurname wrote on 08 May 2024 17:14:

cant you contact HR and complain about them not keeping the dress code?
btw, i cant argue on a gadol ,but i cant believe someone who is holy is not bothered by pritzus .someone is walking naked next to me and i shouldnt be vehement against it? it doesnt sound right.

i know homosexuals say when someone is vehement against homosexuals , oh i see that you are really a hiding homosexual yourself .(the wicked ones,not our holy brothers on gye who are battling against lust that they have ) the way i deal with that is ,oh! youre accusing me of being a closeted homosexual?that must mean you must harbor beastiality feelings,being my statement makes as much sense as your statement

guardyouriz wrote on 08 May 2024 17:49:

I wish it would be as easy as contacting HR. I work at a small company. Ain't got no HR. I could complaint to my boss, but he's the one who keeps hiring underdressed young women as his assistants.

RE: the story with the adam gadol. Yes, you can dislike something and express it. And often it's important to express that disgust. But sometimes the expressed distaste is more vehement because it's a self-deceiving attempt to deny attraction. Idk if you can tell externally, but clearly this unknown gadol knew his son well enough to tell that there was some underlying attraction beneath his disgust.

chooseurname wrote on 08 May 2024 18:30:

the thing is that even if he didnt act vehemntly , i still would of known that he was attracted to it.

[quote="chooseurname" post=412801 date=1715176163 catid=4]
guardyouriz wrote on 08 May 2024 13:32:

Their target audience is everyone, I think, because a journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step. 

I find some of them trite and hackneyed, and some of them truly inspiring, and some cute, and some redundant. But the awareness they bring to my day, in a positive way, is valuable. And the way these videos have put Shmiras Enaim in the public awareness is priceless, I think.

Very late to your party, chooseurname, now i have 16 pages to read. starting now.

Bennyh wrote on 09 May 2024 19:53:

I'll give the summary.

There was once a prince who thought he was an turkey. As a turkey does, he did whatever brought him pleasure in the moment. Sometimes that was eating worms, sometimes that was sleeping, occasionally that was daf yomi, and often it was watching videos of other turkeys copulating. This went on for much of the young prince's adult life. Occasionally, the queen, a woman as beautiful as she was wise, would ask him, "Don't you have a kingdom to run"? And the prince would nod and agree. But because he believed he was a turkey, although he knew the kingdom needed supervision he simply didn't care. You see, turkeys only care about what's directly in front of their little red beak.

Often, in moments of clarity, the prince would get frustrated with himself. He'd cry and beg his G-d to turn him into a prince, so he could rule the kingdom properly. He'd get mad and sad; confident and depressed. But nothing ever changed. And eventually the prince came to accept the fact that turkeys can't become princes. 

One day, at a particularly low point in the turkey's career, he was embarrassingly discovered while pecking at worms. This shameful event drove the prince out of the turkey coop and in search of a solution. He recalled an advertisement for a magical wizard, the great and powerful gye, who promised to help turn turkeys into princes. He signed up and made an account with the wizard, newly resolute and confident that his turkey career was heading for the chopping block.

Alas. Only a few short weeks later the prince was back in the turkey coop, fressing at worms to his little heart's delight. Yet slowly but surely the prince was taught by the great and powerful gye that while he looked like a turkey alot of the time, he actually was not a turkey. Or even if he was a turkey, he didn't have to stay a turkey. And the wizard's henchman showed the prince magical tools that we help him stop eating worms. The little prince worked hard to learn the magic that would enable him to stop eating worms. 

But this isn't a fairy tale. And the prince still spends much of his time scratching away at worms. Occasionally, he proclaims successes to the wizard, but often there are no successes. And it's cold in the coop and turkey feathers ain't very insulating. But every once in a while he spends some time in the throne throom, and he enjoys that immensely. 

It’s been a long, difficult day. 
Why’d you have to make me go and get all emotional now? 

chooseurname wrote on 09 May 2024 21:42:

This is gold.

This summary is nice, but I'm happy I'm trudging through the pages. Up to page 6. Your story; all the little ups and downs, and your job change, and the challenges that come along with it, is peppered with amazing nuggets of strength and perseverance. 

Feeling down over a couple recent falls, and been thinking about what progress is (thanks @youknowwho and @yitzchokm for raising some important questions.)

I spend alot of time on GYE these days. This is because I am trying to not use my work computer except for work and GYE, and I am a terrible procrastinator. Ergo, much time on GYE. Posting/reading/socializing on GYE is very helpful. However, although I've learnt alot from GYE, I think a lot of what I've learnt is external. And consistently posting is not helping me work on internalizing these lessons. On some level, my reactions go through a filter of "how will I write about this on GYE", not "how should I react to this". And this is a good shelo lishma, but I worry it's impacting my long term growth. 

So I'm going to take a couple weeks off from posting and work on internalizing these lessons. I'm going to go through the F2F program a little slower, a little more biyun. Maybe I'll also try to call some people. 

Posting this here for accountability

If possible, I wouldn't completely leave the forum. I really like your posts on other people's threads and it would be very nice if you would be able to continue with it. If it is too much to read everything you could choose specific threads that you feel are the most important. Also, if you have something to post in order to receive advice or when you reach a milestone I believe it would be beneficial to do so.

Doing the Flight to Freedom program diligently is a necessity in order for it to work. I have seen some members who went through it fast and believed that finishing the program would be the solution to all their struggles. The real solution is to do it slowly, internalize every word, and thoroughly go through all the exercises. By doing so you may even reach full freedom before you finish the whole program. Keep up your good work. Please let us know after you have reached a real milestone. Wishing you success on your journey.

Does anyone know if it is possible to download the SOBER recordings?

chooseurname wrote on 07 May 2024 20:04:

"guardyouriz" post=412803 date=1715176756 catid=4


One of the nuggets that I personally found amazing on the topic of what progress is, was the above response. A beautiful thought that got sandwiched between so many others. This has inspired me so much and given me the drive to continue, even when I'm not feeling it. If I can highlight one point that gives me inspiration, it's this.

רב ישראל סלנטר (in 'אור ישראל פרק י) points out that this wasn't the first time that ר' עקיבא began learning. He felt dejected that he didn't feel any progress despite the effort that he put in when he sat down and learned. He was expecting that his effort would change him somewhat, and give him a feeling that he was closer to Hashem. When he saw the water that had bored a hole through the rock, he realized that even though it seems like there was no change effected, change must have occurred. For if there actually was no change, then no amount of drops would be able to penetrate the rock. The second drop would be the first drop all over again, and so would the thousandth and so would the millionth etc. חז"ל tell us מיד חזר ר"ע, he immediately returned, with a new fresh mindset, that every effort does effect a change. It may be subliminal, we may not be able to perceive it, but it is there. When a thin waif walks into the gym, works out for three hours, he doesn't walk out like a gorilla. Yet what pushes him to come back the next day is the knowledge that although now there is no discernable change, change has already taken place and one day he will see it. Imperceptible changes over time, add up.

But there is a caveat, there has to be consistency, persistence, and a commitment to see it through until the end. Without the consistency, the second drip can't build on the first. If you try to lose weight by dieting one day, and pounding food the next, well we all know how that ends up.

וא"ת What's it gotta do with me? If I could be consistent, I would be a changed man, but I feel like sometimes I'm successful, only to find myself spiraling the next day. The subtle changes will never be able to add up.

וי"ל True, I may not be consistently winning, but as long as I'm consistently fighting, I'm changing myself daily by combatting my urges, weakening my YH, and it'll eventually add up and make a noticeable change. I can't feel it on a daily basis, but I know it to be absolutely true. The highs are slightly higher, and the lows get milder over time. Even the terrible falls of today are not the terrible falls of yesterday. Then I didn't know how to react, today I do. What would lead me to become dejected yesterday, fills me with a fighting spirit to get back into the rink to knock him out. Success in this battle is not measured by the way we feel, it's measured by how hard we fight! And I don't necessarily mean white knuckling or obsessing over how hard we're fighting, but as long as we're strategizing, speaking to people that are smarter than we are, and putting in healthy efforts to combat the YH, that's consistency. (Source to this חידוש coming in the next post.)

Hope this makes sense. The 'גמ in שבת קי"ב and עירובין כ""ד bring a Halacha, that in order to nullify the status of a כלי to make it lose its טומאה, it needs to have a hole the size of a pomegranate to render it טהור. The 'גמ has a שאילה what if there was a smaller hole the size of a כזית that got sealed up, then alongside it another hole the size of a כזית developed, got stuffed up again, then another one developed alongside it, until all of the filled parts equal the size of a רמון. Do we say, that since at no given time was there a hole larger than a זית, it doesn't change the status of the כלי, or maybe since there is an area the size of a רמון that was changed at one point or another, even though it didn't occur at the same time, we still say that, the vessel becomes טהור?

The 'גמ resolves its question with the famous words פנים חדשות באו לכאן. We consider the כלי to be a completely new item. Even though the hole that formed, at no point in time was larger than the size of an olive. A small gain, that got stuffed up again, back to square one. But the 'גמ is telling us that its never back to square one. The small holes even though they were filled can be combined to make a larger one.

The 'גמ concludes with an exclamation that one of the אמוראים exclaimed. לית דין בר אינש someone with that outlook is not a human, rather a מלאך.I've heard it being said in the name of the חתם סופר (although I tried finding it inside, I couldn't) that we see from this 'גמ, that even when one seems to be going in circles and not making any progress, he needs to be aware, that even subliminal change that seems to regress, is not lost. As long as we keep at it, making new holes, coming up with new plans eventually we will reached the level of a פנים חדשות. Hang tight. Keep on trucking. The fact that you're still in the fight despite the regressions, shows how tough a fighter you are.

amevakesh wrote on 16 May 2024 19:06:

thank you for bringing it in the name of Rabbi Y Salanter ZL i takeh thought i heard it in his name .never saw it inside ,shkoach!
i pass by a gym that has a quote on it ,and i think this should be GYE's. motto the quote was "Bring out the warrior within" i think thats what GYE is doing .its bringing out the desire not to necessarily reach perfection,but to get up and fight and not just give up! and thats what Hashem really wants from us, the  not necessarily the winning,but the fighting and battle. hatzlacha!

guardyouriz wrote on 17 May 2024 13:44:

of course the limud of R' Yisroel zl was that never think your just fighting without changing , YOU ARE CHANGING and THATS the big win!