That is a huge victory! Because the yh has all these tools in his arsenal to hold and push us down when we trip up on something.

also, good lesson, that we may need to stay away from being secluded with temptations...

frank.lee wrote on 12 Nov 2022 23:45:

I agree that this was actually a huge victory. You handled the fall better by limiting its impact. That’s a big deal. On to the next victory!

FighterWithFire wrote on 12 Nov 2022 20:30:

FWF,
Way to go! 
Your keeping your self accountable. 

Now forget about what happened and move on!

Obviously, try to come up with a plan for next time when your in a similar scenario so that you dont fall flat on your face again

Dont forget to celebrate your 30 days!

PSA: Keep it one day at a time!

Keep us updated!

How are you celebrating 30?

Hashem Help Me wrote on 13 Nov 2022 21:27:

By allowing myself to smile and move on from the fall. I'm getting better at it.

How are you celebrating 30?By allowing myself to smile and move on from the fall. I'm getting better at it. It is worthwhile to truly celebrate the 30 days accomplishment. It could be something simple like a chocolate bar....  Similar concept to making a siyum on a small mesechta. And as with a siyum, it is a time to thank Hashem for His past assistance and ask for continued hatzlocha.

A Gutte Voch. Update time.

After my fall two weeks ago, I stayed clean for 10 days. Then I fell again (same place, same relatives, same device). The good news: once again, I managed to contain it and stop after a half hour (and everyone else was asleep, it could've gone on for MUCH longer). The bad news: it left me feeling like an absolute garbage bag (Internal voice: "You make it a month straight without falling and then you fall TWICE IN 10 DAYS?! You BUM! You LOWLIFE! You LIAR! You HYPOCRITICAL PIECE OF GARBAGE!!!" etc.), to the point that I literally didn't get to sleep (due to the depression/anxiety) until the wee hours of the morning. I somehow made it to Shacharis and 1st Seder, but missed 2nd Seder entirely. When I went to apologize to my 2nd Seder Chavrusa by night Seder, he informed me that he had had enough (not in a mean way, he was nice about it, the Shaft wasn't a great Shidduch in the first place but this-missing the entire Seder without any advance notice-was the final nail in the coffin) and was switching Chavrusos. So, while it wasn't the sole deciding factor, it comes out that porn (in a manner of speaking) lost me my Chavrusa. So you might say I wasn't feeling that great for quite a bit.

But B"H, I found another Chavrusa-less bochur for 2nd Seder who seems to have a reasonably good head (he certainly comes across a mensch), and hopefully this one works out. Coming off a very enjoyable and terrific Shabbos, and hopefully it's a harbinger of things to come.

However, this problem of the unfiltered device at my relatives is really posing a danger. Yes, there are times that I absolutely must use it (for reasons I'd rather not reveal) and no, I can't ask/suggest to them that it get filtered (it would raise suspicion). So, any eitzos would definitely be welcome.

Hope everybody is doing well. A Gutte Voch, and a gutten chodesh.

FWF

FwF, great post! I feel both sides, there positive and the pain.

There must be a way to get ppl to out filters on their devices! This comes up often here. Maybe put material about the dangers of open internet in their mailbox or email, as if a random mailing?

Anyone else? Let's brainstorm!!

frank.lee wrote on 26 Nov 2022 19:53:

If you click on the support tab on top of the page, there's an option to send an anonymous GYE email to someone. Maybe that would help

FighterWithFire wrote on 26 Nov 2022 19:05:

If I may suggest, if you need to use an unfiltered device, text a fellow gye member/or post on the forum that you are using an unfiltered device. 

Obviously it's not a perfect plan but for the most part (at least for myself) has been very helpful.

Wishing you continued hatzlocha!

A Gut vuch! First of all hatzlucha rabbah with your new chavrusah! The more gashmak you learn the easier it is to fight off the yh( you might not feel it… but it’s a fact! I personally do feel it a day with out learning to much is much harder for me…)
second abt the filters … I’m maskim all the way we gotta get some brainstorm how to get every house that is makpid to have a mezuah shouldn’t have any device with out a filter! Like there are so many amazing filters out there that can work for everyone they really are updated they don’t slow your internet etc. it pashit the yh not letting them put it on. I was helping a bacher a very special person that was spending hours at night on his parents devices r’l so I told him first thing you gotta get your parents to put on filters… he was to embarrassed but when I told him I’ll call and tell them that they are literally killing they’re own child he was maskim to ask them to put on filters… I was so excited I was thinking like for sure they’ll be prude of him for trying to make things more kosher etc( he was not gonna mention that he struggles etc that wouldn’t  be such a good idea… but just he heard that all גדולים across the border say that you can’t have unfiltered internet… he came back next day and he said he’s father just laughed at him saying ull never do anything on the computer etc ( I was thinking this father is paying me to learn with he’s son to that he should be a
Better learner etc and he himself is destroying him..) btw bh that butcher is clean from all that shutz today BH!
I think it’s the community’s have yo make matziv abt it( I wrote abt this in a different thread… that chassdim don’t have this problem cause they made a matziv abt it…check it out! )
byt that’s has nothing to do with your  nisyien now… so nogah you I think you could mention something like - I don’t get what the gedilem are marking a big deal abt abut they alll say never to go on to unfiltered internet so can you just please put on something… or something like that… like don’t need to blame it in your own problems just blame the גידולים…
and if that ain’t work then make strong commitment they if you fall through on the internet you’ll punish yourself like give a lot off money to me… lol ! To צדקהor anything you find hard…. And of course to celebrate if you come of clean!
wishing you all the best ! Please please post what happened… like what was there response etc. thx!

I don’t know what you need the internet for but what you said they you need it absolutely…. So why don’t you go to a kiosk? I don’t know we’re u live but in bp Lakewood Monsey there are many kosher kiosks…. But if don’t live there than maybe ( you have to ask a אדם גדול abt this first)it’s better to get your own device that has very strong filter that you can only access what you need important… like I have a computer and a iPhone ( besides my regular flip phone) on my computer I have netfree that is a amazing real kosher non brake able filter and on my iPhone it’s parental controled that don’t have open only Waze Jm music weather etc gye ( yay!) and everything else is not possible to open( apple has a very good parental control) and still had when I searched apps with bad pic came up so I put on a one time filter by gentech and it’s now %100 kosher bh! So maybe that’s a better idea than going to your cousins unfiltered computer again you have to ask a smart person first that knows you a little better than I do… good luck!

Geshmak! wrote on 27 Nov 2022 02:56:

As someone who unfortunately fell multiple times in the past on strict netfree filters, I'll just leave a quote:
"The strongest filter is the one I never test" - Dov

Texting/calling a GYE chaver in advance of accessing an unsafe device - with the understanding that you will once again text/call afterwards informing your chaver that you stayed clean, is a tool many people use successfully when they have no other choice. Accountability is powerful.

@FwF What if you tell them this: you were talking to someone who has issues with watching their eyes etc and convinced him to never go on a device which is unfiltered. And he said he will do it if you will do it.. basically you can be talking about us or yourself. And you need to do something online but can't use their device if it does not have a filter...