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TOPIC: Stress and frustrations 1474 Views

Re: Stress and frustrations 18 Aug 2022 23:35 #384897

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I use the paid version of Qustodio for my kids’ laptops. Each user can be set with their own setting (they each have a customised whitelist) and the monitoring shows me everything they do. I don’t get real time alerts though, I need to log in to check. I have it on my computer at home too, and my wife also has the password to the account so she could check the logs also. I doubt she ever does but knowing she could is enough. 
!אנא עבדא דקודשא בריך הוא

וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל

And every day that you want to waste, that you want to waste, you can
And every day that you want to wake up, that you want to wake, you can
And every day that you want to change, that you want to change, yeah
I'll help you see it through...


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Re: Stress and frustrations 19 Aug 2022 09:34 #384913

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Yea it is pretty good, I like how it is also fairly easy to use.

Re: Stress and frustrations 20 Aug 2022 00:36 #384951

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Re: Stress and frustrations 21 Aug 2022 17:39 #384973

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something i think i need to write here.

see i like to be positive, but frustrations get me. 

Im obviously physically frustrated, being single at 27 is not natural. but i do believe the wait is worth the payoff.

but being that frustrated does come out emotionally. And i work out and eat well and try and sleep. 

I dont think there is any short term answer for this except to try and stay calm and keep stopping myself before i say anything.

it still is hard, and I dont think it will stop.

Re: Stress and frustrations 24 Aug 2022 11:20 #385106

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So something I have found, when I have low energy I am more prone to "misbehaving". (lots of triggers I know.) Issue is coffee messes with my sleep and I become a bit manic, which does not help.

So I am moving onto gatorade.

So why am I posting this?

It's based on a dvar torah I once heard when I was younger.

Why did Yitzchak ask for a delicacy before he gave a bracha to Eisav? Are we to assume that Yitzchak was a baal taivah? Obviously not.

So what was the issue?

Yitzchak understood the power of the body. He knew that if his body was satisfied it would enhance his spirituality and he would give a fitting bracha.

I really took this to heart, I truly believe that denying the physical does not help the spiritual. The physical is supposed to be in servitude to the spiritual.

However, if you are physically not right you will likely cause an issue spiritually.

I think if we can find a way to keep the body satisfied we can attain greater levels of spirituality. In this case if we keep a physical balance, we can move away from this spiritual abscess which is P&M. But we still need a spiritual direction to head towards, that is why I also try and daven and learn and maybe do some other achievements, so I am not a rudderless ship always returning to the same port.

I am still working this idea out to be more coherent. 

Re: Stress and frustrations 25 Aug 2022 12:58 #385145

I hear your idea but sometimes i feel like tripping is a physical need. It is a physical act after all and "I just need it" . Obviously its a rationalization but whats the answer to this deceptive idea of the Y"H ? 

Re: Stress and frustrations 25 Aug 2022 13:13 #385146

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Good question, I am not sure.

This is definitely a physical need, I don't think there is any question about that.

But self control and discipline are what god wants. The answer to the idea is "correct I have a physical need, but it cannot be satisfied this way."

It's the same as when you are hungry, you crave sugar. Now sugar is good, it is a nice treat, it has a lot of calories which are useful. But if you are overweight you clearly abuse sugar. Does that make sugar bad? No. Does that make you bad for wanting it? No. The question is should you eat it? And the correct answer is no. 

Fyi I am only talking about m not p.

Obviously P is more like crack. Sure your body wants it, but only because it is used to it. It is still bad for you no matter what.

Re: Stress and frustrations 25 Aug 2022 16:14 #385151

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To clarify, the answer to physical needs is physical intimacy.

Also, desire is not sinful nor embarrassing and shameful. 

We are not punished for being human and having physical wants and needs. 

We are punished for incorrectly fulfilling those desires.

For example, we are hungry however we are not allowed to eat bacon. Being hungry is not an averiah, eating bacon is.

So too here, we want to procreate and feel intimacy however we are not allowed to m nor have forbidden relationships. And being with someone who you are not married to is not really an option nowadays in our rabbinic judaism.
Last Edit: 25 Aug 2022 16:23 by supremeone.

Re: Stress and frustrations 26 Aug 2022 01:16 #385168

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while intimacy may be described as a physical need, Would you say that it is also an emotional need, perhaps even more so than the physical need?

The human body can function perfectly fine without physical sexual activity,.  So it may not be an inherent physical need.  Unlike food that is necessary to sustain life. 

On the other hand there may be an emotional void that needs that intimate relationship in order to obtain complete emotional health.  

I feel that it is important to differentiate between these ideas.  
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some of the experiences I write about may make it easier to identify me.  This is ok.  I trust that if anyone discovers my identity they will keep it to themselves.  If you do realize that you  know me, I am completely comfortable and welcome you acknowledging me and my struggle in person.

Re: Stress and frustrations 26 Aug 2022 06:46 #385171

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Oh of course it is an emotional need. But emotional need and physical need are tied very closely together.

I am not sure if the human body can function without physical sexual activity. While your body is good at cycling out excess, you need an outlet.

I do hear your point about differences between food and sexual activity though and agree to an extent.

It is hard to nail down exactly what kind of behaviour sexual activity is. It does have a primal aspect, the human libido is base in nature and does not really distinguish between sexual activity. But the emotional aspect manifests  distinctions as you create psychological bonds and association with individuals and activities. 

So based on that I would say we do have a physical need, and we would behave like animals without empathy and emotional understanding. These things stop us behaving improperly. My evidence would be if we look at studies of people who engage in multiple physical relationships or consume an inordinate amount of pornography they desensitize themselves from forming emotional connections and become more base in their pursuit of physical pleasure (more primal and animalistic). 

To come back to your point I do not have a response to food need vs sexual need in a physical sense except to say they are both needs, but one is life or death and the other is quality of life. (not a good answer I know, I need to think more about it, it is a really good point.)

(btw really enjoy this topic so please push back)

Re: Stress and frustrations 26 Aug 2022 11:40 #385174

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What evidence would you say there is to a physical need? I see evidence to physical desire but desire does not equal need. (I am not at all minimizing the frustration, but some of the frustration can stem from the fact that a person thinks he has a physical need when in fact he does not)
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guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/375452-Work-in-progress

The Battle of the Generation by Hillel S. has been a huge help for me.  Message me to find out how you can receive a free copy.



some of the experiences I write about may make it easier to identify me.  This is ok.  I trust that if anyone discovers my identity they will keep it to themselves.  If you do realize that you  know me, I am completely comfortable and welcome you acknowledging me and my struggle in person.

Re: Stress and frustrations 26 Aug 2022 12:23 #385175

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The existence of the libido.

And repression of your physical wants leads down a dark place as shown by the catholic church and their vows of celibacy. Ergo it is a physical need which needs an outlet. I am not advocating for masturbating, hence why I am on this forum. What I am trying to say is you cannot put a plug in the dam without expecting an explosion.

It needs an outlet, be that whatever works and is healthy.

Re: Stress and frustrations 26 Aug 2022 15:18 #385181

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True. You make a great point about our natural build

But we Yidden are capable of rising above nature, especially when we have Hashem at our side, and we should strive to rise above it.

Not saying we should put ourselves in a nesayon, but when we do, we can rise above our nature
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Re: Stress and frustrations 26 Aug 2022 15:23 #385182

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Of course! I do not disagree with that sentiment at all.

One of the outlets given to us is Torah, just sometimes we can't always learn so we need other outlets to.

Re: Stress and frustrations 26 Aug 2022 15:48 #385183

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Exactly!  
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Relapses and falling are inevitable, the challenge is getting up.

Tzaddikim are the not the ones that don't fall, they are the ones that fall constantly and get up constantly.

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