It has happened to me. I cut the conversation as soon as I suspected the person was digging to feed their addiction. it’s best to block and report. As much as we don’t judge anyone We can’t afford to engage in those dangerous and triggering conversations.

Hopeful2022 wrote on 28 Aug 2022 10:23:

They block the chattin' for fellows who.....

• give out porn sites
• engage in sexual conversations and then offer hangouts or whatsapp
• folks describin' sexual organs or sexcapades with no productive value
• stricter guidelines for those with ssa

I've had it. You gotta be careful

I think GYE can make a stronger disclaimer that certain people on the forum and in the chat do have not really good intentions when they come to this site.

@Hopeful2022

Though not married, I understand your initial post.

When given a certain amount of "freedom", the Yetzer Harah strikes and claims we do whatever we like.

That opens the path to all hell breaking loose, including ignoring Shabbat and Tish B'Av.

(In fact, several people on here have reported that a real time of danger is when Shabbat ends, and we are able to again use the phone and computer after a day away from them.)

I suggest the temptation is so great, that for now it would be best to find someone to stay with for Shabbat.

Or invite guests?

If not possible then try to go to shul a lot, and find someone to study with in between davening.

In your position, being home alone for such a long time is too much temptation.

It needs a lot of work and practice to be able to do it,

He did ask me what porn sites I went on, and I told him. I guess that is the reason for the block. Is the block permanent? They have the entire conversation; they can see that he was the aggressor. I had mostly good conversations on the chat. That stinks. I guess I have to get better at sailing in these choppy waters...

He did ask me what porn sites I went on, and I told him. I guess that is the reason for the block. Is the block permanent? They have the entire conversation; they can see that he was the aggressor. I had mostly good conversations on the chat. That stinks. I guess I have to get better at sailing in these choppy waters...


You can ask mods to reinstate for you. They usually respond quickly. 

6 Day Streak and feeling great. Not going to let my guard down, but expecting a good day!

Woohoo!

I learned a valuable lesson yesterday. I was on my longest clean streak since joining (7 days) and was feeling good; then, out of the blue, the Yetzer attacked. I fought back and did it with a smile on my face. I said, "Not today," with an almost cocky attitude. I thought I was stronger than the Yetzer! I fought off the first round of urges and thought I had it beat, and then a quick search of something on the internet that I needed for work and BAM, a very revealing ad came across the screen, and shortly thereafter, the streak was gone.

The lesson is, never let your guard down. Don't get cocky and overconfident. The Yetzer is crafty and will wait to find an opening. I lost my streak but gained knowledge and experience. I am now a little stronger and prepared for the next attack.

Today is Day 1

If it's helpful here's my approach to work computers. I have Chrome and Edge but mostly use Chrome so will discuss Chrome.

- 3rd part cookie blocking by default. I only turn it on if affects site functionality
- Images blocked by default. Only turn them if needed to understand the page. Someone here mentioned the Wizmage browser extension. It looks interesting but I haven't tried it
- Use the BlockSite browser extension to maintain a list of whitelisted sites (it doesn't really block all sites but I use the keyword blocking functionality to block ".com" domains and the like). By default Google is not on my whitelist. I only whitelist it to do a search, add a site to my whitelist and then remove Google.

This works fairly well for me since by default there are no images and I have to think twice before going to a news site and the like.

The only caveat I have is that the Chrome Store disclosures make it seem like the extension can grab all your history whatever that really means. However the IT team at my company hasn't blocked browser extensions yet

@Hopeful2022

The urge always happens twice.

You can deflect it, then it will striker again about an hour later.
Second time is harder to win against.

All you can do is be aware that it will happen, and prepare your techniques.
Above all, pray.

I had a new thought yesterday and wanted to share it.  Like most of us on here, it is a daily battle, some we win, and some we lose. I have fallen into the trap of having a modest streak interrupted by a fail, followed by another modest streak, and the pattern repeats. Instead of thinking that I screwed up and have to start over, I am going to look at it that I only had two falls over the past ten days. Not a 7-day streak, then a  fall, and then two days clean.
Basically, look at the cumulative result over a period of time, and not just a daily snapshot of the last 24 hours. We know that the ultimate goal is an endless perfect streak lasting until the day we die, but from where I was to where I am today should be celebrated. I have failed twice in the past three weeks, and that is pretty damn good if you ask me. 

Thinking on that level removes the shame and guilt I feel after falling. I no longer feel that I am back at square one. I feel that I am still progressing, and that should be applauded. Failing is going to be part of this program, and to think that you didn't make any progress every time you hit a bump in the road will surely lead to frustration and possibly giving up. 

Hope everyone is having a great and clean day

Yes, that's the proper perspective. Remember, the quest for perfection is the enemy of greatness. Keep Rocking

Hopeful2022 wrote on 07 Sep 2022 09:52:

You hit the nail on the head. Keep up with this attitude and iyh you will be very successful.

I just got back from a 5 day trip to Miami and for anyone that has been there, I don't need to tell you that it is a difficult city to remain clean. The weather and the overall attitude of the people (in a good way, it seems everyone is into fitness) lead them to wear very little clothing and the clothing they were is hardly appropriate for someone trying to control what they see in this world.

I am happy to say that I remained clean the entire time. I remained focused on staying away from the things that I shouldn't see and it actually felt good. I was out and about all over the city and felt very in control. I had the Yetzer locked away and we had an amazing trip. I thought the trip would have been full of challenges and the opportunity to fall would have been easy, but for the first time in a long time... a very long time... I felt in control. I don't take that for granted, I have learned the Yetzer is patient and will wait to strike when you let your guard down even for a second.

I am learning that you can't totally remove yourself from the world. You can stay away from obvious filth, but getting outside and going about your day does not have to be limited to just safe areas. You have to build those muscles and fill your days with good things and positive actions. My trip was full of fun and learning, not just a 24/7 struggle to stay clean. I don't think I had even a moment that I thought about doing something wrong. I was free and very happy.

I don't want to end this post on a negative note, but I did slip up on the first day back from the trip. I was back to my normal routine and that is when the old thoughts come alive. My takeaway from this is that I need to just fill up my day more with anything that doesn't revolve around filth and smut. I doesn't have to just be religion and studying (although that should be a big part), we need to just stay active and positive and don't let staying clean be the only thing we think about. It may be a daily struggle for now, but I want to be free and carefree for long stretches of time and just be happy.

I am on the way there!!!