Markz wrote on 15 Jun 2022 02:18:

Hmm.
Now that you put it that way, it is kinda impressive.

Thank you!

Alas, GYE doesn't recognize 49 as a celebration-worthy number, so I have another whole day to plan my party. 

connected wrote on 15 Jun 2022 02:29:

I've heard they're working on a cheesecake medallion...

jackthejew wrote on 15 Jun 2022 07:12:

Cheesecake medallion, you say? Tell me more.
Although I'd appreciate a smoked brisket, or grilled ribsteak medallion, cheesecake has its place too...

50 days
The furthest I've ever made it (I look forward to writing this line every day now...)

Now that added some color to my profile.

I'm sincerely thankful to all members who put themselves out there (here) and constantly share their struggles and triumphs. Reading about others' struggles cured my loneliness, and reading about victories helped me find and work out a path that can work for me.

Until a few months ago, I had given up on a porn-&-masturbation-free life. I was convinced it was simply impossible to quit. I perceived quitting as submitting to a life of misery and withdrawal for the rest of my life.

Friends, especially those still finding it hard to fully entertain the idea of letting go of porn & masturbation (I know you want to stop, but I'm talking about deep down...), here's my advice. The thing that helped me the most is realizing that Porn & Masturbation doesn't yield the benefits we come to believe it provides.
It doesn't make you relaxed.
It doesn't relieve stress.
It's all a lie.
All it does is numb your discomfort by sapping your energy. Once your energy is back, so is the stress. And now you feel like crap.
Stop seeing it as making a sacrifice; you're not giving up anything. On the contrary, you're getting rid of it.
It's not an action that needs to be changed; it's a mindset.

I'm not whitewashing the hardship and withdrawal symptoms, especially the first few days. Indeed, it was very uncomfortable in the beginning. But know that, with the right mindset, the discomfort doesn't last. We must learn to focus on the prize, and the pain won't matter.

In order to focus on the prize, we must first envision it.
Imagine how awesome it'll feel to be able to say I don't need porn & masturbation.
Imagine how powerful you'll be as a human being who can handle stress from within.
Imagine how much stronger your relationship can be with our creator. You're creating yourself! (Ramchal, Derech Hashem)

Have a concrete vision of a beautiful and powerful future-you, and ask yourself, "Is this even a sacrifice?"

Upward and onward!!

Stay Connected

sleepy wrote on 16 Jun 2022 18:16:

Thanks for the well-wishes! IY"H by you! (Is it appropriate to vinch this here?)

1) I addressed the illusion of relaxation that masturbation induces. It numbs, not relaxes. For instance, contrast it with deep breathing or exercise, one leaves you feeling relaxed yet energized, and the other one makes you feel like a used rag. Then again, I can't speak strictly for you; this is my experience (and I was under the illusion for many years) and that of others I've talked to.

2) I did see the question you posted (as you state). I enjoyed it. I commented too. And you responded to my comment. (Are you sleepy...? lol). I still want to get back there. (I need to discuss a GYE break with my paycheck-signer. 5-6 hours a day should suffice.)

sleepy wrote on 16 Jun 2022 20:07:

Ah, I got it.

I owe it (whatever "it" is) to hundreds of hours of listening to Rabbi Dovid Gottlieb for turning me into a stickler for words.

53 days
The furthest I've ever made it (I look forward to writing this line every day now...)

Emotional Rollercoaster of a weekend. I'm too lazy to sort it out.
In short: the toughest part was Friday night, and the best part was solitary Shachris in the forest. Bliss. (That chipmunk understood me.)

Still, I gotta admit, 53 days is kinda shtark.

Stay connected

Shabbos Shacharis in a forest - sounds awesome!!!

frank.lee wrote on 19 Jun 2022 08:48:

You bet it is!

But don't forget the most important factor: solitary.

No schmoozing. No shushing. No one drinking coffee. No one taking my seat. No chairs for my talis to get stuck in.
Should I go on?
(I've got a lot of problems with you people...)

But that does not sound very "connected".... 

Hashem Help Me wrote on 19 Jun 2022 18:54:

Ha! Indeed.
Sort of a wireless connection.

ואיבעית אימא
Sometimes you (I) gotta disconnect to connect.

55 days
The furthest I've ever made it (I look forward to writing this line every day now...)

BH, the desire to watch porn and masturbate is not (currently) on my plate.
I find that my main struggle now is guarding my eyes. In the street, at work, in shul, when I go shopping.

I try talking to myself.
"What do you gain by looking at her (sometimes him)?"
"Umm, nothing. I just enjoy looking."
 "Stop it."
"Why? I enjoy a nice scenery,  I enjoy a nice body. What's the difference? I'm not doing anything to them."
"Technically, you are. You're treating them like objects."
"But they don't know."
"It's not always about them, it's about becoming a better person. Treating other humans like scenery makes you callous. And by the way, if you think you're so crafty and they don't know, think again."

Sometimes I win, and sometimes I learn...


Stay connected

It is very nice to hear someone with such self-awareness to see what are the details of his struggle, and not just I want to look but know I should not.

To help you with your next struggle, looking at them is doing something. It may not be the same bad as other things. The Gemara says it is assur to gaze at even a small finger of a lady. If the goal is to not be a "bad" person, then maybe not. But if our goal is to become clean and not constantly struggle then this is bringing you down.
Even if the aveira is a small one, every time someone holds himself back from doing something, saying something, or just looking at something, he is raising himself up immensely. You may not see it, but you just got way closer to Hashem.
Keep up the good work.

Yissie wrote on 21 Jun 2022 14:05:

Thanks, Yissie!
Very shtark and very true.

I guess the real struggle with guarding my eyes is that I don't feel an immediate negative effect if I fail, as opposed to P&M, which leaves me feeling worthless the second it's over. (To be honest, the worthless feeling is there all along, but till the session is over, it's blocked by short-term pleasure, once the pleasure is gone, only the crap stays.)

For me, Shmiras Enayim is much more internal work, and the consequences are much more subtle - but still very real and far-reaching.

55 days

The furthest I've ever made it (I look forward to writing this line every day now...)



BH, the desire to watch porn and masturbate is not (currently) on my plate.

I find that my main struggle now is guarding my eyes. In the street, at work, in shul, when I go shopping.



I try talking to myself.

"What do you gain by looking at her (sometimes him)?"

"Umm, nothing. I just enjoy looking."

 "Stop it."

"Why? I enjoy a nice scenery,  I enjoy a nice body. What's the difference? I'm not doing anything to them."

"Technically, you are. You're treating them like objects."

"But they don't know."

"It's not always about them, it's about becoming a better person. Treating other humans like scenery makes you callous. And by the way, if you think you're so crafty and they don't know, think again."



Sometimes I win, and sometimes I learn...





Stay connectedThe way I see it, the yetzer hara moves the goal posts. when I was stuck to my phone etc, I wasn't around people that much or paying attention to them... Now, I'll be around people more, and lacking that "stimulation" I start noticing people more. I think it's an upgrade, because it's at least real people and not fake actors and pixels on a screen (so I'm not so pathetic and depraved). Together with that comes the realization that I might be objectifying people(!), which on the other hand, actually deters me from doing it. I think it helps to realize that there is an inherent beauty and attraction etc, that has to be channeled in the right direction.