day 1

"כל ההתחלות קשות אבל מכאן ואילך יערב לכם"
רש״י פרשת יתרו יט:ה-
"All beginnings are hard, but from then and on it becomes sweet for you"
-Rashi Parashas Yisro 19:5
(one of Rav Gershon Edelstein's hu haya omers)

TheYoungerTwin wrote on 11 Feb 2022 17:05:

Wow! Keep it up!!! Any specific plan moving forward? Anything your gonna do differently this time around?

day 2 
git vuch

day 3

i fell pretty hard 3 days ago. i wasnt very careful with what i was watching, and i was also overwhelmed with certain pressures and i was kinda depressed. 
i did not watch porn. 
falling came with a terrible disappointment- it’s not as great as you tell yourself it will be. it’s never worth it.

even with this understanding fresh in my mind, theres still a part of me saying i should just give in again - it’s only a 3 day streak. 
i want to just grab onto that momentum i had before…
oh well. all beginnings are difficult. 
anyway, i did prove to myself that i can go 2 months without masturbating. 
so why not another 2 months?

Thank you for sharing your thoughts here. I think not watching anything online is a big thing even if you fell. Not just from the perspective of achievement, but also in a practical sense. Keeping away from any imagery in such situations is a huge help to the neural rewiring you are doing. You're significantly weakening your brain's understanding that going to watch that stuff is in some way a solution to your current emotional/psychological state.  Keep it up! 

Did you read the section of the battle of the generation that specifically addresses - after a fall? It should help you think with the right perspective. If you learn to recognize the yetzer hara’s tactics, especially after a fall, it will be much easier to put yourself in a positive frame of mind. It’s OK to be disappointed but then you should try to shake it off and not fall into the trap of being depressed over it.

It is a massive accomplishment that you stayed away from watching pornography. And besides for the actual not watching, by staying away from those images, you are cutting down that hyper stimulation that leads to masturbation - so it is a great move in the right direction for kicking that habit too. 

not feeling very strong right now…
i dont want to give in

TheYoungerTwin wrote on 14 Feb 2022 16:23:

Do you have anybody that you can call in such situations? 
It's simple math...
Connection = Recovery 
Isolation = Addiction 

TheYoungerTwin wrote on 14 Feb 2022 16:23:

Like DavidT said, get out there! build connection! Get out of your head a little bit! It’s so important! But If your interested in staying in your head tho then :-) think about this, 
What are 5 combining thoughts that are making it difficult for you right now? When you notice them it’ll be so easy to step away from them. 
im sure one of them is knowing that lust is an option. 
perhpas another is thinking that you fell a few days ago? I mean if in your head your on day 10,000 then ya know I think suddenly you’d be not thinking about lust as much! Am I right?

Shtarkandemotional wrote on 14 Feb 2022 20:29:

thats an interesting exercise…
i did connect. 
so far, so good.

Keep it up! Try and let the urges pass - make a commitment to hold of for a day or two and most likely these urges will disappear. (In my experience, when you fall "hard" especially if it doesn't turn out as exciting or pleasurable as you hoped there is a lingering feeling that the pleasure that you're seeking is still out there, and you really want it. For me, those are often the strongest urges, but if you let them go, they go.)

Avrohom wrote on 15 Feb 2022 02:44:

im experiencing those urges right now. i will hold off for tonight.

i fell today.
im missing that energy, that motivation, that i started with. when i began this thread, i was at a “rock bottom”. i wanted so badly to be in control, to break the cycle.
im very far from that feeling of desperation now. 

any advice?