It started when I was like 13 I began watching ever since then I was hooked. I’ve spent countless hours of my life indulging in acting out. Now I’m 21. I only found out I was addicted this past peasach I heard someone talking about sex addiction and I looked into to it to see what it consisted of. To my surprise I diagnosed myself almost an addict bc mine was only porn and masturbation but not actuall inyunim. So I decided I won’t turn into an addict and quit watching even though I had filters I knew how to get around it. I stopped fantasizing even clean stuff and tried to guard my eyes. It lasted like a bit over 2 months. Then I fell but didn’t give up until I fell again. Then I made myself a promise that closer to dating I will contact a therapist and deal without privately without anyone knowing including my parents even my closest friends. Or I will have to just keep it a secret for the rest of my life. And sometimes I would act out daily for weeks or maybe I would push it off for a week but I always got back into it. And I would celebrate if I acted out not even watching porn to show myself I can live without porn. Also every time I found a loophole it would take me a few weeks but I would ask my friend to put in my filter code and add in the new website. (The way I new I was addicted was every time I would somehow manage to find a new way around my filter every time I needed. Also I used to walk around for hours on the streets where there were prostitutes to get offered B”H I never gave into them but spent countless hours roaming the streets ditching events and other things so I could have more time roaming the streets. But for the 2 months I was clean I didn’t even feel the urge to go out. I felt like I was forced to pace the streets for hours I really didn’t want to.) Eventually I came across GYE fundraising add wich leaded me to the site. I just read the testimonials advertised and I felt a relief. These people are in much worse shape then me and they turned their life around so can I. I watched the videos of Rabbi Twerski saying the only way to get over it is to use GYE otherwise you cannot over come it. So after a bit I found a browser (which didn’t override my filter) I could use so won’t show on my history made a new email and sighted up. To my surprise the confirm your email page was blocked so it took we a few weeks to build up the courage to ask my friend who runs my filter to unlock for a sec “my mother sent me a link I need you to open for a min” quickly put in the link on my allowed websites and phew. I quickly started a 90 day challenge and kept reading the forums and stories to show if they were in worse shape and turned it around so can I. But 2 weeks in I was alone in my room in my bed and decided to check a website that I only found out you can view porn through it on the forum (not pointing any fingers). I watched but didn’t masterbate. But it was still considered a fall so I clicked off fall on my 90 day chart. The next day I fell completely the whole 9 yards. So I blocked it and ready to start over keep the momentum
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. And when I was in my bed alone the other night I acted out without watching. Then I decided I need to write on the forum as it’s recommended it the fall emails. I DO NOT feel comfortable bringing it up to anyone I don’t feel that close to anyone even my closest friends.