It started when I was like 13 I began watching ever since then I was hooked. I’ve spent countless hours of my life indulging in acting out. Now I’m 21. I only found out I was addicted this past peasach I heard someone talking about sex addiction and I looked into to it to see what it consisted of. To my surprise I diagnosed myself almost an addict bc mine was only porn and masturbation but not actuall inyunim. So I decided I won’t turn into an addict and quit watching even though I had filters I knew how to get around it. I stopped fantasizing even clean stuff and tried to guard my eyes. It lasted like a bit over 2 months. Then I fell but didn’t give up until I fell again. Then I made myself a promise that closer to dating I will contact a therapist and deal without privately without anyone knowing including my parents even my closest friends. Or I will have to just keep it a secret for the rest of my life. And sometimes I would act out daily for weeks or maybe I would push it off for a week but I always got back into it. And I would celebrate if I acted out not even watching porn to show myself I can live without porn. Also every time I found a loophole it would take me a few weeks but I would ask my friend to put in my filter code and add in the new website. (The way I new I was addicted was every time I would somehow manage to find a new way around my filter every time I needed. Also I used to walk around for hours on the streets where there were prostitutes to get offered B”H I never gave into them but spent countless hours roaming the streets ditching events and other things so I could have more time roaming the streets. But for the 2 months I was clean I didn’t even feel the urge to go out. I felt like I was forced to pace the streets for hours I really didn’t want to.) Eventually I came across GYE fundraising add wich leaded me to the site. I just read the testimonials advertised and I felt a relief. These people are in much worse shape then me and they turned their life around so can I. I watched the videos of Rabbi Twerski saying the only way to get over it is to use GYE otherwise you cannot over come it. So after a bit I found a browser (which didn’t override my filter) I could use so won’t show on my history made a new email and sighted up. To my surprise the confirm your email page was blocked so it took we a few weeks to build up the courage to ask my friend who runs my filter to unlock for a sec “my mother sent me a link I need you to open for a min” quickly put in the link on my allowed websites and phew. I quickly started a 90 day challenge and kept reading the forums and stories to show if they were in worse shape and turned it around so can I. But 2 weeks in I was alone in my room in my bed and decided to check a website that I only found out you can view porn through it on the forum (not pointing any fingers). I watched but didn’t masterbate. But it was still considered a fall so I clicked off fall on my 90 day chart. The next day I fell completely the whole 9 yards.  So I  blocked it and ready to start over keep the momentum . And when I was in my bed alone the other night I acted out without watching. Then I decided I need to write on the forum as it’s recommended it the fall emails. I DO NOT feel comfortable bringing it up to anyone I don’t feel that close to anyone even my closest friends. 

Welcome!
Thanks for having the courage to post about your struggle and your fall. I'm assuming you have seen the basic GYE material (the handbook, etc.) and if not please tell me and I will post the links.
The question you asked - why can't I stop is a good question.
But there is a mistake. Because you CAN stop. It may be hard. It may take time. You may have falls along the way. But it is a fact - which I am working on accepting now - that you can stop.
So keep posting, keep working on yourself. Tell us when you have a victory, and when you have a fall. Try and stay connected, and take advice from the amazing people of GYE. And remember that we are all rooting for you. 
Stay strong
strugglingWithMyself

Hi please check out these great free resources: 
ebook- The Battle of the Generation 
Audio series- The Fight
see below in my signature for the links

Welcome. Great first post. Did you ever speak to anyone real about this?

No never but I don’t feel comfortable bringing it up with anyone I have thought about it but can never get myself to do it

Welcome to GYE and kudos on your first great post!

I would recommend that you read through our "GYE Handbook" (guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/gye-handbook) which consists of 20 Practical Tools for Breaking Free & 30 Attitude & Perspective Principles.

Medly1234 wrote on 21 Nov 2021 21:14:

Best would be for you to have the courage to speak to a rebbi or the like. If you can't bring yourself to do that, you can reach out anonymously (block caller id) with chevra from here.

Hi Medly1234
How are things going? 
it you don’t feel comfortable bringing it up with anyone the next best thing is staying connected with the great people on GYE... 
As the saying goes, which number is better than one? ...