Day #24
I've been going through the flight for freedom program. It's a complete game-changer. I don't think I was this confident at this point last time around.
Signing off for the night, 
-Dvar Ha'emek

Whoa! Just returned from a location where i did not have Internet service for a few days so i missed this whole back and forth about my comments. Sorry for the delay in responding. I think others have articulated the point very well - thank you to all who responded - but i would like to give a short response too.

Cordnoy (we miss you by the way), used to encourage that we use our own experiences as springboards for our "sh*tos" instead of just looking at all of this intellectually, and then preach based on ideas that may or may not hold true.

In my experience, due to very intense and frequent masturbation, i had come to a "belief" that one must ejaculate to live. Just like one cannot live without eating and drinking and sleeping, one must have a sexual experience to survive. It became a need. What i did not realize, unfortunately, for many years, was that what i actually needed was an ability to relieve anxiety. Like so many other guys here, i was using my penis as my pacifier. If i was stressed - fantasize and masturbate, if i was feeling rejected - fantasize and masturbate, if i was bored and irritable - fantasize and masturbate. I had no other way to regulate my emotions. And it didn't even help much! It caused me such aggravation, depression, and anxiety that i would - guess what? Fantasize and masturbate again....and again....

After joining GYE and getting a lot of help and education here - thank you to many guys, specifically one_day_at_a_time, i finally was able to realize that there is never a need to ejaculate. It is an achizas einayim. One may have an underlying need of some sort, and could be acting out would relieve him, but the script can be changed. It used to be "I am stressed so i will act out". Now it is "I am stressed and it would be geshmak to act out, but there are other eitzos".

All i can say is that this mehalech has helped very many guys get completely clean, including bochurim (who do not have any other sexual outlet) that were heavy pornography viewers/masturbators/and worse rach"l that are Bh now clean for over a year....

I definitely used sexual fantasies as an escape from the emotional pain I had in everyday life.  Learning to recognize that has been a very helpful tool. 

Hashem Help Me wrote on 03 Feb 2022 12:35:

what part of nauru were you in? and you didn't stop by to say hello!? that is even more of a reason to apologize.

Trouble wrote on 03 Feb 2022 14:36:

I was actually vacationing in the phosphate mines there, and everyone i asked said they were "trouble", but i think it had to do with economic sanctions for ripping off foreign countries financially, not our kind of Trouble....

Day #25
One day away from my last best streak since coming onto GYE.
Recently, I've been exercising which has tremendously helped. Also, I started trying to eat healthier to improve my energy levels. In the past, my weakest moments are when I was exhausted. I had no willpower to resist fighting. I hope these changes will have a positive impact on my life.

Day #26!!!
Back to where I fell last time, but this time I come with strategies and a plan.
Have a great Shabbos everyone.
Signing off for the week, 
-Dvar Ha'emek

Amazing. Keep building!

Day #28
Breaking new records on this thread!
Going to be at 2/3 way to 90 pretty soon.
I have an off Shabbos coming up. Last time, I was heavily triggered from something I saw while home which led to my fall the following week.
This time I'm going to make some extra gedarim, a shvuah and an incentive; and imy"h it will go well.
Signing off for the night, 
-Dvar Ha'emek

Usually it is wise to be mekabel not to use an unsafe device at home even for kosher purposes. Make it "muktzeh". In the event that you have absolutely no choice, text a GYE chaver before and after using the device for accountability.

Hashem Help Me wrote on 07 Feb 2022 11:53:

Thanks. But I never struggle with using other people's devices. I don't feel comfortable using what's not mine.
My fall came from going to a store that had a lot of nontzniusly dressed people walking around. I have to be careful this time around to stay away from there.

Day #29
Today went well BH. Very tired, not sure if it's because I have a cold or not.
Signing off for the night, 
-Dvar Ha'emek

Day #30
2/3 of the way to 90!
Didn't think I could ever make it this far. I bought myself dinner tonight to celebrate.
Signing off for the night, 
-Dvar Ha'emek

omekhadavar wrote on 09 Feb 2022 04:22:

Keep up the great work!

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