Hello loi-misyaeish,

Thankyou for pouring out your heart.  It sounds like you are just aching.

It might help to shift your focus a little.  Perhaps, in your lust for s**, is really covering up a yearning for a deep relationship.  Maybe try to think of it that way.  You might continue to yearn, but you could think less specifically of "s**."  I grew up secular, and I would just stare at the girls in my class all day.  I knew it was also a yearing for a relationship--not to be lonely, as my home wasn't exactly harmonious and also, I wasn't exactly part of the social elite (my Rav and youth group director told me I would be thankful some day for this).

You're really right about that, eye. I really did realize that years ago, but i knew that i wouldn't have it anyway for a long time, so i would just fanatise about it all day to comfort myself somewhat. I can't dream all day about living with a wife, but dreaming all day about s** is always possible. That's why my focus was always shifted to that and that's why i find it so hard not to look at women as 's**ual objects'. I know i wouldn't be having a relationship with them anyway, so that's all what i think of them. Loi-m

LM have a great shabbos. And thanks  for the last part of your story. We finally got to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Keep up the good work and always feel fre to call if need be.

Wow! Lo Mi, you are such a brave person to come out and tell your story like that!! Kol Hakavod!!! It must have not been easy, but the very ability to do it is enormously helpful in your path to recovery.... Keep using this site, and posting your feelings, everyone here really cares about you.

May Ha-shem help you in fighting this holy fight!!!
Haba

Al tisya-esh


Al tisya-esh


MeyHashem tivakesh



Afillu cherev chadda

Munach al tzavarav


Oy yoy shabbos koidesh


bardichev

Right on mark there, bardichev. A gut shabbos to you and all the wonderful guys on this forum!

Shabbos is a hard day! Everybody's dressed nicely and i've also gotta eat out the shabbos meals. But b"h i made it. Just the thought that i have a listening ear and those that can really understand my situation makes it easier.

loi-misyaeish wrote on 26 Dec 2009 18:37:


KUTGW!

Happy to hear you had a good shabbos. Hope your week goes well. Hope to see you too.

Keep on going!!!  Stay positive and positive things will happen

By the way, reliving my story was very painful, but it really helped to let go of the old baggage. Friday, i was feeling alot of emotional pain, but 'ba shabbos ba menucha'  and now i feel much more relieved. Be'ezras hashem, i'm hoping to have a really great week and i wish the same for all you guys!

Wow, what a story! Thanks for sharing it... (BTW, you didn't mention mast* in your story at all... Is it meant to be obvious, or it's not an issue?)

Have you ever read the translations we did on Reb Shlachter's book? You can download it here. I think it would give you a lot of good perspective....

Unfortunately mast*n was also a problem, but not as much as fanatising. I did sometimes m*ate and mz"l, but i use to feel so bad afterwards that it  scared me off for a long time afterwards. But when i began watching p**n it did became more of an issue. (at the beginning of my thread i wrote a bit about it). But fanatizing was the real issue for many years, and still is. Concerning r' schlachter's book, i would love to see it, but as i mentioned many times before, i have not got the ability to do download it. But maybe one day i'll arrange someone to do it for me.

Hey Lo Miyayesh,

Glad to hear your Shabbos went well and that you had a sense of menucha. I just heard a great vort on Menucha. What is menucha? We say a bracha li'hniyach teffilin, and it doesn't just mean that we put them on, but that we put them on the right place exactly. Menucha is the feeling we get when everything is in the right place... May Ha-shem give you that sense soon.

If you really want the R' Shlachter translated I could download it for you and then send it to you as an email, would you like that?

YOU ARE SOMEBODY SPECIAL!!!