"TACHZIK CHAZAK ALEH KATAN SHELI, KI LO TAMID HAKOL BACHUTZ BAHIR...." Yes, i am still like a small leaf, moving in the winds of this terrible society. I am so happy to be able to begin a thread of my own after being almost five months on gye. Yes, I am a young guy, but with almost ten years of struggle with this terrible monster, has affected my life deeply. When i was still very young i got very attracted to women, i didn't know at first what it was, but later on i understood. Eventually it became a full blast addiction. With hashem's help i found this wonderful website. For the first time i found people whom i could relate my situation too. I tried three successive attempts to reach ninety days, but realized recently that ninety days does not work for everyone. So if anyone has tried so many unsuccessful attempts to manage a certain number of days clean and did not succeed, he's not alone. The feelings are sometimes deeply rooted, and impossible to change in an instant. For that one needs good therapy. Personally i hated the idea of therapists when i grew up but i came to the relization that it's definitely a must in my case. I've been so far to r' shlachter twice. These conversations were based on a more personal level, so it's hard for me to bring out any concrete ideas that can be written. It's more trying to reach the root of these things that cause me to act out. It's the desperate need of someone who does not yet have the possibility to have it (i'm still a bochur). The lack of it has caused me to channel my thoughts to be relieved from it when i act out. For example yesterday i was finding it hard to understand a very difficult toisafos. I began to daydream and started thinking about these things till the point that i was feeling very tense. I ended up going to the bathroom and acting out. After i was mz"l, i felt amazingly relaxed and went back to the toisafos. Beleive it or not it just became so easy. That's the problem, i'm using m. other things to help me relax instead of using other

...continued from last post. All these years i've been programming my mind to find the comfort i desperately want, through various ways. It was a continuous win lose battle. But after a few weeks of trying to stay clean, my mind starts to function much less, till the pressure of stopping has been let out. We're working on trying to figure out how these thoughts are being created, at the root, and to begin 'reprogramming' these roots. Of course one can never change the fact that we will desire it, but that i should be able to have it in a more controlled way, and not to create other undesirable feelings from it.

Welcome to the forum!

I don't know if you can do it through your cell-phone connection, but if you can get a hold of the GUE handbooks (one on attituded, and on on techniques) I think you'll find them especially helpful.

Good luck!

  --Eye.

Yes, eye. We met before last thursday, remember? (look up thread 'kumzitz...") I just managed to get on the forum after five months with our newfound friend it25. Guard has been telling me for a long time already to make my own thread. By the way i've been through some of the handbooks, and i know alot what's written there. I was just playing back the real life meeting with r' shlachter. As i wrote before, the meetings are better than just reading the handbooks because it's on a  more personal level that  we are working on to free myself from the addiction. 

Flashbacks.


NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM

:D

(You can't change the size of these smiley faces!)

Sorry eye, didn't get it?!? Is it a competition here on the forum to use as many @A?%?)(???!

welcome LS. If my setting you up helps out anything wow what a zechus!! Keep on rockin and keep in touch.

Sure will, it25!

imtrying25 wrote on 22 Dec 2009 21:27:


"Flashback" you understood?

The rest was probably American humor.  If you're not American it wouldn't be funny to you.  And if you're American it also might not be funny.  And if you're Vietnamese, it definitely won't be funny.

 --Eye.

That "urge," even in the middle of Gemara, was something I have grappled with not too long ago.

I was surprised that, of all times, it would be during Gemara that I could have such an urge.

Then, I realized (as you seem to already have) that FRUSTRATION was the real trigger for lust.

You might find it helpful to keep a look-out for this feeling, and catch in when it JUST STARTS.  Long before you reach the boiling point.

Then, also keep a list of things you do to relax (other than ma***, of course).

And, as soon as "that feeling" comes along, do something to relax.  It might be enough just to GET OUT OF THERE, change the scenery.  Maybe listen to some music.

I found that my approach to learning was also causing frustration.  I got myself uptight by expecting to get through a certain amount each day.  I'd open up my Gemara and say to myself "1 amud, x amount of chazara, x amount of time.  OH NO!"

I now just open up my gemara and do ONE LINE AT A TIME.  I usually get through as much material as I would have before.  BUT, I DON'T REALLY CARE IF I DO!!!  I'm not uptight about it anymore.

I hope you have found this to be helpful.

  --Eye.

Thanx for ur post,eye, it was great. The only problem is that sometimes i feel even more relaxed after m*, more than before the thought at all. It's just a geshmake feeling to have let it out. It's true that after i've let it out, at first i feel weak, but not long after it's just a gr8 feeling. It's not for nothing the rambam says that it's 'koach haguf u'meor einayim'. I know that he says that too much is terrible for the body, but having a controlled amount is really good. Though i'm still unmarried, so i just m. whenever i want and sometimes i just do it too often. But b"h today's the second day i didn't m. I spoke to r' shlachter yesterday, we tried to get to the root of things, the problem is that i've been in it for so long, it's just so automatic that i find it hard to work it all out. But i've still got till next tuesday to think about it.

Welcome LM,

Just keep up the good work and remember the best thing is to have a positive attitude and take in all that surrounds you at GUE!!!  You can do it!!!

loi-misyaeish wrote on 23 Dec 2009 18:42:


I think, perhaps, you are not catching "the thought" early enough.  It could be very subtle.

Maybe it starts when you get stuck on the Tosefos.

Maybe it starts when you open the gemara.

Maybe it starts when you walk into the Beis Medrish.

Maybe it starts when you wake up in the morning!

And, after you ward the thought off, you might not feel 100% better RIGHT AWAY, but you definitely do feel better.  It may take some patience, even a day or two, before the original calm comes back.  And then it might be better than at first.  And MUCH better.  (It's hard to explain, but when I've overcome these feelings, I've sometimes felt these highs that feel better than s**).

It's worth the wait.  This is what I have found has worked real wonders for me.

 

I've been lying in bed the whole day, i've been feeling sick. I'm sick in the head too, full of mixed emotions and pain. No, i'm not giving up the fight, i'm just so upset what i've come to. Achron achron chaviv, i'm really missing the beis hamedrash too!

Refua Shleima!

...also, regarding those urges, it might be really helpful for you to get an accountability partner.  Someone you can call and say "HELP!" just whenever you need it.