Hi ALeh,
greetings from one katan to another!

Great to meet you. I read you posts with interest.

It would be silly of me to add anything, especially since you are working with R' Slachter Hatzadik v'Hapikaich.
Just one thought though... its not surprising or unusual that you feel relaxed afterward. That just the way it is. Valium works wonders too!
Point is that the fact that it works for you doesn't mean that it is GOOD for you. 
and by good, I mean in THIS world... never mind the next.
Anyway, your posts are real and honest and refreshing, and I'm sure you will ultimately succeed. 

kutan

BTW, Eye, I benefited from your comments too!

Good point kutan no. 1. I forgot that we are dealing here with 'drugs'.

Hi Aleh,

Welcome to the posting wall. I know that you have been on GYE for 5 mos and have tried numerous times to get 90, but I believe and hope you believe too, that posting is a much bigger step, b/c now you have interaction with people and you know how much they care, and that keeps you away from doing things that you know everyone here knows you can stay away from.

I agree with you on the therapy that for some people therapy is a must, but I can also say that just like you can't rely on non-therapy methods, you also can't rely on therapy methods either. Ultimately, the therapist can give you skills/tools/understanding but you are gonna be the one pulling yourself out of the muck!

I went to a therapist for months (read: lots and lots of pesos!!!), and still didn't kick my habit because ultimately I didn't want to change enough.

Bend and balance, you and your therapy,

balance and structure, you and your gedorim you set for yourself

structure and success, 700% increase in self esteem, 550% increase in daily smile, lotsa other good things

Hatzlacha!
Haba

remember... as r" twerski says: if therapy is the icing on the cake, 12 steps ARE the cake.  KOTNMW :-)

Well r' twersky himself wrote back to me to go to a therapist. At the beginning i was very hesitant to go, but a friend convinced me to go. I wrote to guard that i wasn't sure about it and he suggested to send an email to r' twersky. Guard mentioned it in one of the chizzuk emails. But anyway silentbattle's right that one's got to want to change.

You know the old joke, "How many Therapists does it take to change a light bulb? Answer: Only ONE, but the light bulb has to really want to change..."

Dear Loi, thanx so much for your gevaldige chizuk on my journal. I really needed it, and your post was RIGHT ON!! If you didn't see my response yet, take a peak...

And refuah shelayma, from ALL your illnesses  !

Hang in there, my friend, remember - "He who wants to purify himself, Heaven helps him." Keep davenning. There's another Newbie, named OneLife, that needs your special brand of chizuk, too. Check out his thread, he just finished Day 9. And the thoughts I shared with him could help you in your lonely struggle as well.

I wish I had this site and this chevrah back in the 80's when I was a bochur, living thru the same struggles you guys are now, the same struggles I faced just as strongly a few months ago. I would have started on the road to recovery back then, and missed decades of lost time, energy, and self hate. But B"H at last I'm here, and so are you. You're gonna get to a place from which the rest of your life will be filled with great joy, and freedom from the desire to view women for pleasure or to act out. And you're gonna spare yourself the bumpy detour of the back roads, and take the highway to Deveikus Hashem!

G-d Bless you!!

Your new friend,

Steve.

Just echoing what Steve ha'pickle wrote, I too wish I had the benefit of GYE so many years ago.

I used to think, similar to what you wrote, that there is just no other way out to relieve the tension inisde.

I felt trapped between a rock and a hard place.

Now I know that it is true... except that the tension DID NOT HAVE TO BE THERE!!!

the tension was a result of my thinking that lusting is normal and unavoidable.

Yes. Lust is a normal feeling.

But 'lusting' is avoidable.

When a person finally makes up their mind that

1) this stuff is poison. Its NOT good for me.
2) they are not 'entitled' to do or think whatever they want
3) that the world is safely in Hashem's hands, and they do not need to control whatever's going on.
(yes, that means that the outcome may be what they DO NOT WANT... and that is ok too)

and/or whatever personally makes you tense

then the tension doesn't appear. It doesn't show up! and then, we live NORMALLY... not peaking and troughing, cycling up and down.



Unfortunately, for this to happen, for a person to change in his mind what he thinks as good for him, he needs to hit rock bottom. Otherwise, all the logic and coaxing in the world will be deflected by the willy thing called the human mind, that can convince a complete generation that we came from an amoeba. We can justify ANYTHING if we want to.

But the good news is that GYE helps you hit rock bottom while on top, by seeing what this cycle is doing to so many others and hearing their pain and wishes to change.

kutan

Wow kutan. that alot of writing and deep thinking for a little boy like you.

Thanx steve and kutan, i really appreciate your posts. It's amazing how much chizzuk one can get in just a few days. I'm so grateful to u it25 for helping me get on this forum at last. Every single post is another drop that will eventually make the hole in the rock. I've got lots to write, but i'll have to do that later on tonight as i am short for time. You know, my heads usually either in learning or a fantasy world, being on this forum helps me get out of all of this. I space out too much in 24h, if my chavrusa leaves for a min, in seconds i'm in another world. I was thinking that i was wasting too much time on this forum, but when i think about what i'd be doing otherwise it's probably far better. Spacing out leads very quickly to the world of women, one that i've been dreaming for years about. Although i'm officially not counting days,now i just prefer to do one day at a time as i wrote previously, i have been clean for almost three days now. It's  probably thanx to this forum. C ya guys. Be back later. 

loi-misyaesh, never give up! 

I think you might find some useful stuff on this page from Rabbi Twerski... It's about a boy who claimed he couldn't stop no matter what.

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Wow LM heartbreaking :'( :'( :'(. Although im not a professional i think its good for you to let yourself out. Oy so many yiddden suffering. And as the Holy Uri would say, "Kiruv rechokim is Kiruv Basor" Nebach.

... Sorry but edited

kutan shel hachabura wrote on 23 Dec 2009 22:15:


Thanks.