DAY 10
Ok, you won't believe when I davened today....
That's right! At 11:15, and I made chatzos by minutes!!
AND You won't believe how amazing my sedorim were today....
That's right! I skipped all of them!!! (Besides night seder)
Today was a grand slam!!
Do you know why? Because I was alone with the computer for hours, and I didn't mess up.
One day I'll get the rest of the details in order. Till then I'll just be happy I'm not falling.

Baby steps my friend , baby steps. Everyone has his kind.

Dear KG,

I love you man, but how come you stay home so much? Even if you're not going to seder, get out the house and do something!!! Learn how to crochet yamakas, sit in your local bus stop and crochet, and then sell the yamakas to benefit all people who are suffering from Left-Eye-Twitch-Syndrome. Go to the zoo and see if you can wake up the lions (hint: blowgun). Count how many steps there are in Har Nof... Just get out of the house!! I'm glad you were strong today, but maybe make your goal for tomorrow to get out of the house and away from the CPU!!!

Keep Rocking in the Free World!
Haba

lol, I was actually wondering if they were even real. They are seriously ALWAYS asleep!

My sister told me she once saw a little Yerushalmi kid who managed somehow to royally infuriate the male lion. The male lion was roaring, charging the glass, scratching away at it, totally berserker! She said it was one of the most powerful things she ever saw! Theys is real, you just need to bring little Yerushalmi kids with you to the zoo!

LOL I'm rolling, I can totally see it :D ;D

DAY 11
OK, today started out like all other days, (no 1st seder and shachris at chatzos), But I had an amazing shachris, so it was worth it.
I went to 2nd seder, and started with a new night seder chavrusa. We're getting there.
Today I was so good with controlling myself, really, I held off from even getting near anything I knew could be dangerous.
That was until 1:00 am, when my wife fell asleep.
I started "innocently" checking the efficiency of my filter, and I "innocently" saw things I shouldn't have, and like a real genuine tzaddik who checks the efficiency of his filter constantly, I looked away - the first 10 times it showed up. But then I "just looked this time" and the rest was history.
Well not really, because that was the nerdiest episode of my life. I really felt rediculous. Not only because I fell, but because I fell with the only things available through a filter. That's low. But I'm actually very happy being low - rather than being successful and consequently bazillion levels deeper in the tumah.
Tachlis geredt.... today was the last day of my previous streak, tomorrow will IY"H be the first day of 90 for me.
I'm going to update the chart now.....

Hey KG. I love that name. Im gonna say it a few more times. KG KG KG KG KG KG KG KG KG. Ok now comes the chest pump. Well you probaly have no clue what the heck im talking about. Dont worry i dont really either. Tachlis geredt, like some wise man once said. Sorry to here about your fall. Reallly. But it seems you brushed yourself off nicely. Thats what counts. Were all gonna fall sometime. We just cant sit on the floor and cry. We need to get back up, take a sec to brush off a little and cont on. As my leader Rage would say, weve got a revolution goin here. No time to sit around and mope. So keep up the great work. And bon voyage on your new 90. And i almost forgot. Tamshich trukkin.

Its 3am

I can't sleep

I wish I can be in EY with u

I wish I was buying papitas and nuts in geulah

Kosel Friday night!!

Ahh u are so lucky!!

Tamshich trukking buddy

Shut the computer

Go to first seder

The wife will look at you as the Gaon Hador and you will feel good about urself

You can still have a decent zman!!

Its shabbos


Go to the mikvah

Go to the kosel

Daven like no one is looking just u and Tatty

Sing with the carlbach guys who cares

Eat sleep make jokes

Noor fraylichhhhhh

Tamshich Trukkking!!!


Git shabbos!!

B

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Hey KG,

Sorry to hear about your fall, but much more encouraged by your spring back. Grab Shabbos this week, and shlepp it into your week, maybe start with a goal of getting out for Shachris every day this week, that will give you a huge self esteem boost, and it will give you a huge chance to ROAR your way through next week!!!!

kg my heart feels for you! I so understand your predicaments, heilege brider, we are here for you, chazak ve'matz ba'avodesacha 

I wish i could feel as upset for myself as you guys do for me.
I'm just blah. Not good and not bad. (Well leaning towards the bad).
I'm sort of denying that I really care, because regret and moping around never had any positive outcome.
Even though it feels wrong not to be depressed. I mean you just looked at kol davar asur, how could you be so nonchalant about the whole situation?! You act as if you just dropped 3 shekels, "OK I'd rather not have, but once it happened - no big deal" Isthat the value you give H-shem's command? 3 shekels?
But there's nowhere to escape to. No matter where I go or what I occupy myself with - the fact remains the same. You still did it, and it's still inside you. When you close your eyes for shimoneh esrei - those images will all be back, and when you sit down to learn - they'll all sit with you, and tonight when you make kiddush - that's right, you have what to be mechaven... "Get these pictures out of my head!!!!"
Yeah, it's real easy to yell and scream when there's no computer in front of you, and your able to pretend you really care and want so badly to teshuvah.
It's just very unfortunate that you don't care enough to actually refrain from doing it again. Your version of teshuvah is where you just say "I really don't want to" - very difficult indeed, and H-shem does the azivas hachet part.
I messed up again on friday morning after vasikin. This time I took care of that last bit I had previously left over so it sholdn't be a "complete" fall. Well now it's officially complete. I gotta look at the positive right? At least now I have no sefekos about whether or not I should consider what I did "a fall".

Have a great Shabbos, sunday is a new day, next week is a new week, and my life starts from now....
(Where have I heard that before?)

Good Shabbos KG. Try and take things easy over shabbos. Noone is saying that what you did wasnt bad, were trying just to tell you that its not important to focus on that. Good Shabbos Holy Brother.

KG

You are not bad

You are gevaldiggg

The behavior is bad

You are not your behavior,although you are responsible for it!!

KG break the pattern do positive things that will help you

Like sleep on time
Wake up on time
Daven in shul

Don't watch innocent cartoons etc

B