KG,
My offer to talk still stands.  Guard is right, you need real life interaction.  I will offer you my phone number and perhaps we can meet.  This may be a bit easier than going to a kumzitz. I am not trying to pressure you I just want you know that I am serious and that it can be very beneficial for you. 

Regarding the yetzer hara, I personally found it very helpful to learn how to identify what the yetzer hara is.  You can read my thread entitled "identifyin the yetzer hara" over here. I never finished publishing it; it is still on my hard drive.  However, the basic yesodos are posted on the thread.    In a nutshell, it is important to understand that as at an addicts level we are not fighting a malach, but rather ourselves. Recently, I had met up with a one of the GYE members and he thanked me so much for that article for it helped him clarify so much of the confusions.   

Guard,
I heard Rimon is breakable.  But K9 is not.  As long as someone has the passowrd (in my case it is my wife), then there shouldn't be any problem.  And I know as a fact that k9 is MUCH better than my prev filter. 

Either way, it is important to remember what Boruch said about filters.  They are mainly to be used as heker.  Once the addict finds himself clicking in desperation to break it, he has to recognize he is still far from recovery.

true, true

Dear KG,

A lot of people are saying a lot of good things here, I don't have much to add, just a simple imcha anochi bitzara! May Ha-shem help you break out of this meitzar into His beautiful shining light!

Haba

I don't really know what it means to take help. I was always a 'do it yourslf you baby' type of guy.
And yes guard, I'm well aware that I need an attitude shift. I just don't know where to shift it to.
And yeah, I realized what your saying yesterday when I read the chizuk email. Maybe I'll taka do it.

Shkoyach guys

Good luck in your journey!!!  We are all here to help you. 

hachnaah baby hachnaaa!!

admit and surrender

realize you are powerless

hey don't give up your your personality your geshmakk in life

just chuck the ego !!

kg it's a toughie!!

work work work !!!

k

o  t 

b

DAY 8
Today I got off to an awesome start. (That means i came to shacharis).
1st seder stank.
Tried to bust my filter by lunch again, feels so degrading afterwards, but when I think about what my post-fall feeling used to be like in my pre-filter days, I can't help but feel fortunate.
I'm not sure if I should still be counting, I think there should be a limit to how many slips you can have in separate days before their mitztaref and count as a fall.
But technically I didn't manage to see any **** so at least legally I can say I'm clean.
2nd seder stank.
Night seder didn't exist
Chickened out of the kumzitz at the last second, I was almost gonna go.
It's 1:02, I hope to H-ashem in heaven that he wakes me up on time tomorrow morning.
I downloaded the big book. Gotta print it out, but no ink so I gotta wait.
I'm gonna start 12 steps soon, Dovism is starting to get to me.
I'm coming to a point where his words are actually sounding logical and true.
Let's see what happens.

DAY 9
Woke up, said ks, then went back 2 sleep.
Shachris right before chatzos.
Skipped 1st and nost of 2nd seder.
Chavrusas will probably dump me.
I don't care though, their both annoying.
Almost no torah today.
BUT I DIDN'T CLICK WHERE I SHOULDN'T - NOT EVEN ONCE!!!
CONGRATS TO ME!!
I'm realizing that the olam here is actually pretty awesome.
Maybe one day I'll start a GYE kollel.
The only kollel in which the davening takes longer than the sedorim :D

Dude happy to hear your doing good. But dont allow this to ruin your real life. Virtual life is good, especially here, but nothing compares to real life friends. So make sure you dont lose them while you have them. youve gotta get out there.

I didn't say the whole world is annoying, just the two chavrusas that I happen to have.
But shkoyach again.
And after I open my GYE kollel, I think I'll start a site called GA.
"A site for jews in the real world, struggling to lead a real life against the temptation to sit on GYE all day"

Kollel Guy wrote on 30 Dec 2009 11:35:
i undersatnd that. just the way your writing just doesnt sound like your getting out alot. didnt mean to offend you. Sorry. :-\

And im totally gonna join your GA site. i think im already by the no turning back point. Oh well. :-\

imtrying25 wrote on 30 Dec 2009 11:37:
GYE is your master. You have no control. You have to surrender your GYE desire to G-d.

lol
like this so much that iv been sharing it all over
One who wants to turn aside from evil but sees that there is no truth in the world must act as if he is crazy.

Sefer HaMiddot, Emet #31

Oh..... so THAT'S why they all dance on top of their trucks! :D ;D :D

Hey, KG.
i've just seen your thread , and i must tell you as the administrator did that your approach must to be chaged radicaly as quick as you can.
you sound as a sad one. if i wrong please stop read my message right now.
i gonna explain.
you must be happy, ok not happy but at least not sad as you sound.
everytime, all the time, never be sad.
the sadness is the food of the Y"H, the Y"H likes it so much that it leads you everytime to fall because you are in a depression.
and the fall is the drug for that, and afterwards you are sunked in a depession again and fall etc.
its a self destruct cycle, that if you don't change your approach you won't go out from.

be happy. just as those smiley  ;D :D ;D :D ;D

as i learned in my daily tora lesson  from my rebbe, never! but never! be sad. even after 10000000000000 falls.  (i'm sure you havn't got to this number yet  :D) even one minute after fall.

that change with the thousand tools in GYE site gonna help you in your journey to break free.
never be in depression!!!