KG, in my humble opinion, you and your wife should give you(rself) an ultimatum, that either you get back into learning seriously within the next few days, or you go work. Hashem created the world for us to be active in it. Avraham Avinu chose Eretz Yisrael because he saw people working hard, not idling. We need to either work hard in Torah or in parnassa (or kiruv, chinuch, whatever). Hashem doesn't want us twiddling our thumbs and waiting to "get back into things" indefinitely. As the saying goes, "Idle hands are the devil's tools"...

G-d luck my friend.

Hey-up, Kollel Dude.

I'm on short-post duty 2day, so I'll be brief -

I really feel for you. Take it from the King of the LazyBones, the Prince of Procrastinators:

It's all about RESENTMENT and FEAR. Resentment over having someone else tell you what to do, wives, Rabbeim, even HKB"H. And the FEAR of either not SUCCEEDING if you try, or not FEELING the feeling you think you're supposed to feel (like kavanna at tefilla or geshmak from your learning).

But if you know you're in a burning building, and you're not sure if you can get out, you're still gonna try, CUZ YOU MUST OR YOU'LL DIE. There is no point in being philosophical. You know inside what has to be done, and where you have to go.

JUST GET THE HECK OUT OF WHERE YOU ARE AND GET TO WHERE YOU SHOULD BE. Don't worry about what other people think, what they're gonna ask when they finally see you. WHO CARES? JUST GET OUT OF THE FIRE!!! Start from now. Don't look back. Kol Hascholosh Kashos is EVERY DAY.

OK, now I"M gonna stop pushing off MY work.  See ya later at the water cooler.  

Brief?!
Oh, but it's worth every word!!!

Signed: The Crown Prince of Procrastinators

P.S. Kollel Dude...Nice lingo.

What do you mean?

DAY 14 Tuesday Bo
I'm gradually starting to pick myself up.
Thanks for all the advice guys, I'm sort of distrusting when I hear the same thing from my own mind, so it helps a lot to hear it from the outside.
I managed to stay by seder a half hour longer than yesterday.
Tomorrow I might even go to 1st seder.
I had a near slip today, but B"H I'm good now.

Guess now my objective is to take all the wisdom I picked up here and put it into real life.
KOT - Even if your chavrusa sucks.
The question is not are you learning the best, but are you learning your best.
Don't look at the one time you messed up, but rather at the 1000 times you were strong.

I'm seriously contemplating a big break from the computer. Like 6 weeks or something.
I'll have my wife update the chart and I'll read her the Chovos Ha'levavos to type for the Beis Medrash.
I think it's the only real way for me to get off the ground.
I'll have to ask IT how his prisha is going and if it helped at all.

Kollel Guy wrote on 19 Jan 2010 23:11:


I was making fun of Steve's "Short" Post.

You do what you gotta do, bro. We're behind you all the way, rooting for you, davening for your success, believing in you, trusting that we'll hear good news.

Wow, good stuff coming through on these posts, I'm with Reb Guardy on this one... And I think that while you figure out if you are cut out for Kollel or not, you might want to take some limud that you really enjoy, and set a goal to finish something in that limud, and then plan a big siyum, and then super glue your tuchess to the seat and do yo thing!!

Here's the trouble with that - while i agree that we need to feel like we're accomplishing, I also think it would be a big shame to leave yeshiva without a strong connection to learning, and an ability to learn - because without that, it's very difficult to keep up a connection over the years.

Heck, it's hard even WITH that!

DAY 15 Wed, Bo
I went the entire day today without touching the computer.
I really like this idea. Even though I was pretty enthusiastic about opening it and checking emails and replies to posts when I finally did now at night.
When I see how much I accomplished in one day when the computer was off limits - it makes me wonder if 6 weeks is enough. Maybe 6 years is what I need before I can use the computer responsibly again...

Kollel Guy wrote on 21 Jan 2010 00:51:


Thats great KG! How was your learning today?

That's awesome - keep it up for long enough, and I suspect that the draw of the computer will begin to fade, as you start to truly live more...

Yiddle2 wrote on 21 Jan 2010 00:59:
Well, being that I was bored out of my wits since there was no option of computer, I actually put in some nice time.
Felt very good and refreshing.
Like I'd forgotten all this time that I actually like to learn.

You've just made me really, really happy. You sound so refreshed, and pleased, and glad!

Kollel Guy wrote on 21 Jan 2010 01:14:


Thats so great. Isnt it like 4:15 in the morning by you, KG???