Hey KG, have a

GREAT SHABBOS!!!

A Gutte Voch!!

KG keep on rocking. Every thing means something. Even if while were watching a movie we can turn away, it also means something. Of course we need to realize that movies arent productive to this struggle. But baby steps. As long as were walking werein good shape. But we need to walk forward.

DAY 4
Shabbos Kodesh!!
I got a bagel today - albeit in pieces.
So almost no learning, but at least when I was up things were good.
Motzei - was going to do the usual "Just stay up with the computer a little longer" and then from there go to shacharis, but instead went to sleep at a normal time.
This might sound simple to you, but MAJOR revolutions are taking place right now in the KG household.
New chavrusa tomorrow - I hope, so we'll see how that goes, Ba'al Hatanya's YarTzeit, new week, shabbos mevorchim, so many reasons to shtark out this week. I hope I takka do.

Sleep well. This first step to a good day is not how we wake up, it how we go to bed.

I once heard froma wise man...If you go to sleep like donkey you'll wake up like one...Go to sleep like a Yid...Thanks for the reminder about the Ba'al Hatanya's Hilula...It ha given me extar Chizuk...Yiddishe un Chassidishe Chalomos!

Hey KG,

Hatzlacha with your new chavrusa!!! Getting a real geshmak seder or two can make all the difference sometimes!!!!

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And KG went.... (for those familiar with Marvin K Guy).

DAY 5 - sunday
I slipped this morning. Nothing terrible, just a few "investigative" clicks, but then I came to my senses. Still clean.
It feels really good to be back at seder again. I didn't realize how long I was gone for, sheesh. My rosh K said "Chadesh yameinu ki'kedem", but I have other plans. I will BE"H be mechadesh my "Yameinu" but with a lot better planning and responsibility than "Ki'kedem". Ki'kedem ended me up in a bunch of falls and a 3 week slump.
2nd seder is the next thing on my agenda.  Maybe one of these days I'll actually get myself to do something really drastic, like show up.
Went to be menachem avel, and on the bus ride - I realized that my eyes are totally out of control. I really need to get them to behave. Not purposeful looking, just spacing out and looking at everyone out the window. I gotta take off my glasses or train myself to look down or something. If not now then when?

KG glad to hear your still clean, I try to say Tehillim on the bus cuz otherwise I have a similar problem with my eyes being magnetically attracted to things them shouldn't be lookin at....

" Nothing terrible, just a few "investigative" clicks"

I don't understand? Are you saying you have not filter? Your are an addict!!! You cannot allow a few "investigative" clicks". That's why you can't control your eyes on the bus.

I suggest trying to learn something that interests you on the bus, even stories about Zadikim is good if it keeps your mind occupied.

Calm down. I do have a filter. A very good one actually. The "investigative clicks" were to see "how well it works", and it was only a few of them. And it worked BH.

good. But don't try to break it. They can all be broken!

DAY 6
Din't do jak today. Just sat around watching and on GUE.
I know it's horrible, but I do it anyway. I'm used to doing things I know are horrible.
BUT I was very good with staying clean, I even looked away entirely from a shmutzy scene, and since I was indoors the whole day, I didn't see any street pritzus either.
I gotta get my life back together already though, my wife's paitence is running out. Today she threatened to confiscate the computer if I don't stop abusing it.
Hey, it might not be the worst thing if she does.
So we made a pshara. I can use it for 15 mins every night with a timer that beeps.
That leaves me enough time to read the chizuk emails, check up on all my friends here, post a few things, and update my journal & 90 days.
So yeah, if you don't grab life by the horns, it grabs you by the collar, shakes you up, and puts you in your place.
I try not to think of how much I missed over the past few weeks, cause I don't want to focus on that now. All I have is a stark realization of no-nonsense reality. I feel like a 60 yr old alcoholic who just got finished with AA and is finally sober. He has what to be happy about, but look at all that wasted time. Besides, I'm not officially "sober" yet, I just managed not to mess up recently.
I have zero cheshek to go back to learning, and I gotta combine that with the memories of myself a few months ago - really excited about the next daf or siman.
But people have survived a lot worse things than just some "blah", this shouldn't be TOO bad, I can for sure break back into my learning if I keep at it for a few solid days in a row....Especially with the latest news from my bad habit buster .

you have an amazing wife! head screwed on thats for sure..

I know it might not feel so good, but I hope you told your wife how much you appreciate what she did...