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OivedElokim-I’ll never give up
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TOPIC: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 39921 Views

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 12 Mar 2021 20:04 #365311

  • oivedelokim
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Day sixteen 

Stayed up very late last night.
Woke up very late today.
But I’m grateful
for the gift of life
for being one of Hashem’s chosen ones
for the gift of being clean.

Wishing you all a wonderful Shabbos!
I am a bochur with a passion for meaning and truth, searching to remain clean and live a holy and fulfilling life.

If you are reading this-you have a friend in me.
Feel free to PM me and I'll share my offline contact information, so we can call and text. I'd be honored if you'd trust me with your story and promise to support you in any way I possibly can.
I've been on GYE for over 7 years. "I may walk slow, but I never walk back" (-Abraham Lincoln?).
(For the background and meaning of my username- see Tanya chapter 15).

My current thread 

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 14 Mar 2021 00:17 #365325

  • oivedelokim
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Day 18

Shabbos was nice. 
Spent some time with friends, including a Geshmakeh hour learning Chassidus with one of ‘em. Davening was pretty decent.
I am clean.
I am a bochur with a passion for meaning and truth, searching to remain clean and live a holy and fulfilling life.

If you are reading this-you have a friend in me.
Feel free to PM me and I'll share my offline contact information, so we can call and text. I'd be honored if you'd trust me with your story and promise to support you in any way I possibly can.
I've been on GYE for over 7 years. "I may walk slow, but I never walk back" (-Abraham Lincoln?).
(For the background and meaning of my username- see Tanya chapter 15).

My current thread 
Last Edit: 14 Mar 2021 00:45 by oivedelokim.

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 14 Mar 2021 02:58 #365338

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Was having a lot of thoughts of acting out last night. Didn’t listen. Had a wet dream though, and I don’t think I have enough defenses against a serious onslaught of tayvah. Going to have to make a serious plan.
I am a bochur with a passion for meaning and truth, searching to remain clean and live a holy and fulfilling life.

If you are reading this-you have a friend in me.
Feel free to PM me and I'll share my offline contact information, so we can call and text. I'd be honored if you'd trust me with your story and promise to support you in any way I possibly can.
I've been on GYE for over 7 years. "I may walk slow, but I never walk back" (-Abraham Lincoln?).
(For the background and meaning of my username- see Tanya chapter 15).

My current thread 

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 15 Mar 2021 04:03 #365399

  • oivedelokim
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Day nineteen 

Had a pretty rotten day overall with some nice moments. Found some loopholes in my current filter that I need to fix. I slipped several times today. But then I spent about an hour on the phone with one of the chevra which was a good ending to a pretty lackluster day. Heading to bed. Tomorrow will be much better, bezras Hashem.
I am a bochur with a passion for meaning and truth, searching to remain clean and live a holy and fulfilling life.

If you are reading this-you have a friend in me.
Feel free to PM me and I'll share my offline contact information, so we can call and text. I'd be honored if you'd trust me with your story and promise to support you in any way I possibly can.
I've been on GYE for over 7 years. "I may walk slow, but I never walk back" (-Abraham Lincoln?).
(For the background and meaning of my username- see Tanya chapter 15).

My current thread 

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 15 Mar 2021 04:29 #365401

  • hakolhevel
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OivedElokim wrote on 15 Mar 2021 04:03:
Day nineteen 

Had a pretty rotten day overall with some nice moments. Found some loopholes in my current filter that I need to fix. I slipped several times today. But then I spent about an hour on the phone with one of the chevra which was a good ending to a pretty lackluster day. Heading to bed. Tomorrow will be much better, bezras Hashem.

Tomorrow will be much better because???

Watcha gonna do different?
My Thread:The Road To Being Honest With Myself (and others:)

My other Thread: My Daily Inspiration

I'm not a slow learner, I'm just quick to forget" - Eli Nash

A bit of honesty and less over confidence might help me - Imperfection

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 15 Mar 2021 04:48 #365402

  • oivedelokim
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Wake up for Shachris.
Keep some of the chavrusos that I skipped today.
Spend less time on my phone.
I am a bochur with a passion for meaning and truth, searching to remain clean and live a holy and fulfilling life.

If you are reading this-you have a friend in me.
Feel free to PM me and I'll share my offline contact information, so we can call and text. I'd be honored if you'd trust me with your story and promise to support you in any way I possibly can.
I've been on GYE for over 7 years. "I may walk slow, but I never walk back" (-Abraham Lincoln?).
(For the background and meaning of my username- see Tanya chapter 15).

My current thread 

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 16 Mar 2021 01:43 #365452

  • oivedelokim
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Day twenty 

Made it to Shachris today.
Kept some of my daily chavrusos (more then yesterday).
Learned quite a bit today. Didn’t enjoy it for the most part. Quite frustrating, as well as reinforcing my internal narrative that I suck at learning and life more generally.
Ordered some takeout to celebrate 20 days clean. 
Still feeling mildly depressed.
Taking medication and restarting therapy with a new therapist on Thursday. Hope that’ll help.
I am a bochur with a passion for meaning and truth, searching to remain clean and live a holy and fulfilling life.

If you are reading this-you have a friend in me.
Feel free to PM me and I'll share my offline contact information, so we can call and text. I'd be honored if you'd trust me with your story and promise to support you in any way I possibly can.
I've been on GYE for over 7 years. "I may walk slow, but I never walk back" (-Abraham Lincoln?).
(For the background and meaning of my username- see Tanya chapter 15).

My current thread 
Last Edit: 16 Mar 2021 01:44 by oivedelokim.

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 16 Mar 2021 21:29 #365541

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Found a way to download an app on which i can view pritzus, though not full on porn. Slipped. Hope I can stop before I fall. 
I am a bochur with a passion for meaning and truth, searching to remain clean and live a holy and fulfilling life.

If you are reading this-you have a friend in me.
Feel free to PM me and I'll share my offline contact information, so we can call and text. I'd be honored if you'd trust me with your story and promise to support you in any way I possibly can.
I've been on GYE for over 7 years. "I may walk slow, but I never walk back" (-Abraham Lincoln?).
(For the background and meaning of my username- see Tanya chapter 15).

My current thread 

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 16 Mar 2021 21:50 #365543

  • oivedelokim
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It seems so sweet and tempting, but I know it’s not worth it. There’s a part of me that wishes to ignore that fact and go ahead and masturbate and face the consequences later. But that’s not how it works. No amount of depression and no lack of any filter removes by free choice and therefore my responsibility to choose the right things.
I am a bochur with a passion for meaning and truth, searching to remain clean and live a holy and fulfilling life.

If you are reading this-you have a friend in me.
Feel free to PM me and I'll share my offline contact information, so we can call and text. I'd be honored if you'd trust me with your story and promise to support you in any way I possibly can.
I've been on GYE for over 7 years. "I may walk slow, but I never walk back" (-Abraham Lincoln?).
(For the background and meaning of my username- see Tanya chapter 15).

My current thread 

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 16 Mar 2021 21:54 #365545

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וגם אל יהי שוטה (פרק כח)

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 16 Mar 2021 22:10 #365548

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OivedElokim wrote on 16 Mar 2021 21:29:
Found a way to download an app on which i can view pritzus, though not full on porn. Slipped. Hope I can stop before I fall. 

Please, for the sake of yourself and your friends here, contact the filtering company or TAG and have them block the app!!!
If you need help with that PM me. I have lots of experience and know some TAG members that could help.

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 16 Mar 2021 23:32 #365562

  • oivedelokim
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Fixed the loophole. Blocked my AppStore. Still clean, BH.
I am a bochur with a passion for meaning and truth, searching to remain clean and live a holy and fulfilling life.

If you are reading this-you have a friend in me.
Feel free to PM me and I'll share my offline contact information, so we can call and text. I'd be honored if you'd trust me with your story and promise to support you in any way I possibly can.
I've been on GYE for over 7 years. "I may walk slow, but I never walk back" (-Abraham Lincoln?).
(For the background and meaning of my username- see Tanya chapter 15).

My current thread 

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 16 Mar 2021 23:59 #365563

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Mazel Tov. I can feel the extra kedusha in the air.

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 17 Mar 2021 00:11 #365566

  • oivedelokim
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I can’t 
I am a bochur with a passion for meaning and truth, searching to remain clean and live a holy and fulfilling life.

If you are reading this-you have a friend in me.
Feel free to PM me and I'll share my offline contact information, so we can call and text. I'd be honored if you'd trust me with your story and promise to support you in any way I possibly can.
I've been on GYE for over 7 years. "I may walk slow, but I never walk back" (-Abraham Lincoln?).
(For the background and meaning of my username- see Tanya chapter 15).

My current thread 

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 17 Mar 2021 01:10 #365570

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I head a story said over by a Rov on Friday night in between Minchah and Maariv.

The Rivnitzer (a known baal mofes) was known to daven at more peculiar times in line with chesboynoys, but would obviously not daven without a minyan.
He once called a bunch of jews together that hadn't davened with a a minyan yet (if I recall correctly, it was for maariv which can be davened at more peculiar times like late at night). While ushering them in to a room to daven, he stopped one of the jews in his tracks and said that he couldn't be part of the minyan because he had davened.
The person was asked, "Why did you join the minyan if you knew you had davened?" To which he replied, "I never knew my tefilos registered in Shomayim!


Sometimes we don't feel the change we make. We aren't meant to. This world is for הסתר (albeit different degrees and forms). Ok, maybe I couldn't feel the kedusha. Still, great job .
I struggle with this a lot of not feeling our affects, inspiration & results. It's not what we should be striving for, I don't think.
I'm not saying we should go purely based off of intellectual understanding and resolve. We should for sure feel meaning. But if we don't doesn't mean we are failing.
I'm not sure where the middle ground is. Thoughts and ideas are welcomed.
I'm sure the chevra here has a lot to say about this. Looking forward
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