You're welcome!
you said "despite the knas, reasoning that it was worth it to buy the pleasure."
IS it worth it to pay out $10 in order to afterwards get the pleasure? On the one hand you are not yet forced to pay so you have more ability to decide that it is not worth it, but on the other hand the imagined pleasure is much greater than the actual pleasure felt in hindsight.

I don't find that I expect the pleasure to be more then it is. The actual pleasure is enough for me...
Minimizing the temptation is not a strategy that works for me.

What about (and this may be what frank.lee means) trying to re-frame the pleasure as opposed to trying to minimize the pleasure? We all know what the pleasure is and the tayva we have for it, but what is the reason you are trying to stop.

​Take that reason and try to use it to re-frame the pleasure.

This is very hard to do in the heat of the moment, but if you're constantly reminding yourself throughout the day why you are going through this, it may help when the temptation comes up.

I believe that the Knas system does not provide motivation. It can help with willpower if the knas is significant to you. 

you need both willpower and motivation one without the other can’t really work.  

I believe that what lchaim tovim posted will help you work on your motivation. Once that is in place, perhaps the knas will be more helpful.  

Watup?

Hey, thanks for checking in. An update is long overdue...
Still struggling, haven't seen hardcore porn for awhile but that's about all the success I've had lately. My devices are filtered and monitored and BH lately I haven't been silly enough to use others. However internally I haven't changed- masturbating and fantasizing constantly etc.
I've been feeling a lot of pressure to date, both internally (most of my friends are married, "If you keep waiting you'll miss the boat" etc.) and externally (from family and friends) yet I still feel nowhere near ready to settle down and find a life partner, I don't know my values or what I want in a partner, what kind of home I want to build etc. Additionaly, I don't feel like I have a handle on the kedusha department, and I know all too well from this site how badly a marriage can go with these issues unresolved.
The pressure just escalated radically as a name came up for me and my mother is very set on going for it. I'm torn over how I should respond.
Any advice or moral support would be greatly appreciated...

Also today, after a long hiatus, i decided to continue doing the F2F program, or rather-start again from the beginning. Hope that'll help me advance in this area...
May Hashem help me find my way, the path he intends for me to go...

OivedElokim wrote on 01 Sep 2022 00:32:

Focus on the positive that you have not watched any bad stuff. A great step in the right direction.

As far as the Shidduch goes, you will be best suited to ask a Chacham that you trust.

IMO, all you need to look for is a good solid girl, healthy and sincere in Yiddishkeit, all of the other details will fall into place afterward. Don't overcomplicate things.

Getting married and having a solid marriage will most likely make you feel better about yourself, and feeling good about yourself is one of the best tools to keep yourself bekdusha.

Hatzlacha

And Hatzlacha on your F2F program!

You are doing what it takes! Keep it up

OivedElokim wrote on 01 Sep 2022 00:32:

Great question regarding dating. When I started dating someone I stopped cold turkey porn and masturbation, because I always told myself I'm only acting out because I'm not married. 

After i got married i was clean for 3 years, then it fell apart, and I've been here ever since.

So would I today tell my 22 year old self not to date because I have a porn issue? Its a great question. Undoubtedly had I fixed my issues then everything in mmy life would be better. But how long would it take me to fix them? Im still not clean 100 percent of the time. 

In a ideal world, get clean and get married. Yet there are even some here on gye that do that yet eventually relapse.

So all I'm saying is I have no idea and i would not take the achrayus on myself to tell you not to date, especially if you have successfully eleminated porn from your life.

So I would agree with mesayim. Speak to the chachomim, unevonim. Getting peoples experience here though may help.

One afterthought.

My wife as it turns out (and seems many ithers here as well) has her own issues to deal with, not ch"v sinful things, but other issues, that we have and are dealing with till today. Ifnshe would have been aware ifof her issues, should she not get married till she fixed them? And how lon does that take? Some issues last a lifetime (to varying degress).

I would venture to say,many bochurim and girls onthe shiddich block have various mental issues that they will need to deal with and will become more apapparent in a marriage. Should we put a deep freeze on shiddichim until everon everyone has spent a coyple years by a shrink?

I'm not advocating against trying to heal onself before marriage, but there has to be a limit somewhere, otherwise pru urevu will take a big hit.

Excellent and truthful post. It would be advisable to have someone that you are COMPLETELY honest with that should help you decide. There are so many variables that there cannot be a standard answer.

I’ll just add that I see a therapist regularly for (unrelated? That’s a whole new can of worms…) mental health issues and I once brought up the porn issue as it relates to marriage and he didn’t seem to think it was a massive problem. Maybe I should bring it up again. He’s a frum guy, btw…

Hey just checking in before Shabbos starts.
Masturbated twice today. Really want to seriously try to use the עת רצון of Elul to quit once and for all. 
Here's what I'm thinking in terms of strategy:
In terms of accountability, I will have to make some sort of contract that makes me reach out to someone from the site when I have an urge. The issue is that I most often struggle at bedtime, which is usually quite late (trying to get into a better routine, but that's where things stand now). Don't feel comfortable calling someone at 1:30 am just for this, and a text doesn't provide the same amount of accountability and chizuk...
Also I would like to broaden my support system to more then the 2/3 guys I'm regularly in touch with by text/Whatsapp/phone. I wouldn't feel comfortable bothering the same few people a couple times a day. (If you're down please PM me with your #). 
But I would have to make a real commitment to staying the course, hopefully getting back into F2F would help with that.
Additionally I think adding a significant knas to the equation might help, although it's a method I've given up on in the past, I"m ready to try again...
I'm also thinking of joining the GYE WhatsApp group. If anybody reading this is on it- How is it? Is it active?

Just stopping in to share a small win I had this morning:
So basically I saw someone post about how a specific app presented a challenge for him.

(As an aside, I'd like to make the following Public Service Announcement: If you've found a new way to fall, there's no need to share it with the rest of us. My own YH is creative enough. No need to unnecessarily passel perfectly good apps for the whole oilam. I know I may have been guilty of it myself in the past but still... If you must discuss it for purposes of fixing the issue, reach out to one of your mentors from this site. If you need help finding one LMK. Anyways end of rant).

So needless to say, I went exploring and found a way to access provocative pictures. I fell multiple times last night because of it. This morning I got up (quite late, I may add-in part due to the fun activities I stayed up late doing). I was about to go into the shower and the thought occured to me to get rid of the app and the pictures I saved. But hey, let me get "one last session" in before I say goodbye to this particular source of sexual pleasure. That's what I was thinking. 
And then my YT went into overdrive, realized what was happening, and frantically deleted the app and all the pictures before I knew what hit me. I then proceeded to shower and go on with my day.

I'm pretty proud of this. Does it mean I became a Tzaddik? No. Does it mean I won't masturbate tonight? Lav davka. Does it mean I'm done with this struggle? Certainly not, silly! 
Does it mean I showed some capacity for bechira, for doing the right thing even when the fire of temptation is furiously burning inside me? Absolutely. Does it give me some hope for the future, that I'll eventually tame my inner beast to the point that I'm not falling almost every day? A bit, certainly.
I hope Hashem see's that I'm trying, and that the sense of  הקב"ה עוזרו will start to kick in. Or maybe it already has. I'll take whatever I can get at this point.
Anyways thanks for reading, liking and subscribing 
Yours truly,
OivedElokim

tremendous post.  great chizuk!

Wrote up a new contract with myself with the goal of breaking my masturbation habit. Sent it to HHM. Maybe I'll post it here soon, to add extra accountability. Anyways the fact that I'm taking practical steps to quit for the first time in awhile gives me hope. I know that it will be difficult, certainly in the beginning, but I pray that I'll overcome.

@Hashem: Please give me the requisite strength and resilience to battle the monster inside of me, to break bad habits and create good ones, and most of all-give me Simchas Hachayim, the sense that I matter, and that the world be a better place then it would be without me.