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OivedElokim-I’ll never give up
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 3389 Views

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 18 Apr 2021 22:32 #367035

  • Zedj
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OivedElokim wrote on 18 Apr 2021 20:39:
Not in the long run.
Just feeling like my life is unmanageable regardless...


everybody has there inyanim that they have to work onObviously in this case porn/masterbation is included.
however small changes for example making a schedule or maybe just making your bed in the morning can perhaps make your life feel more manageable???
I'm not insinuating anything just a thought..it may not even be remotely shayoch or helpful to you.

One who has given up hope is without a G‑d.

One who sees hope in each day is already free

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 19 Apr 2021 02:53 #367061

  • OivedElokim
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Day 1

Going to bed now.
Hope to make it to Shachris tomorrow.
For the background to my name- see Tanya פרק טו.
״שההפרש בין עובד אלוקים לצדיק הוא שעובד הוא לשון הווה, שהוא באמצע העבודה״
-Oived Elokim means a constant work in progress...
Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.
- Arthur Ashe
“Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future”.

My old thread

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Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 23 Apr 2021 03:33 #367316

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Day 5

Struggling with my self esteem. Trying to get myself to see the value in me, appreciate the gifts I’ve been given and the fact that there is a specific mission my creator needs me to do for him, one that can be fulfilled by me alone.

בשבילי נברא העולם

I just wish it wasn’t so difficult, that I sincerely believed it to be the case...
For the background to my name- see Tanya פרק טו.
״שההפרש בין עובד אלוקים לצדיק הוא שעובד הוא לשון הווה, שהוא באמצע העבודה״
-Oived Elokim means a constant work in progress...
Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.
- Arthur Ashe
“Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future”.

My old thread

My current thread 

Last Edit: 23 Apr 2021 03:36 by OivedElokim.

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 23 Apr 2021 04:32 #367321

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OivedElokim wrote on 23 Apr 2021 03:33:
Day 5

Struggling with my self esteem. Trying to get myself to see the value in me, appreciate the gifts I’ve been given and the fact that there is a specific mission my creator needs me to do for him, one that can be fulfilled by me alone.

בשבילי נברא העולם

I just wish it wasn’t so difficult, that I sincerely believed it to be the case...

Ultimatley I think it's a matter if emunah. For years I was chasing the actions that would give me a feeling of self worth. But much as those who chase money, it was a excersise in futility. Just as those who chase money, ultimately want more. I always wanted to be more perfect. I fact judaism seemed to be egging me on, about all the more good things I should be doing. And it may not be incorrect. There are many more good things I can do. But my self worth is not judged by G-d based on my accomplishments.

Just a a true parent loves their child unconditionally. G-d loves you unconditionally.

On top of the unconditional love he also wants to give you a unique job. But I think we need to separate the two. My self worth is not judged by how much or little I accomplish of my mission. Much as a child's worth to a parent is not judged by how much they accomplish in their life.

We religous jews tend to blur the lines between the two. But if you look deeply at the sources you will see. There is you. And you are valuble as you. You also have a unique mission, which you most likely will but find out what it is. We do our best in life, and wait for the afterlife to find out.

I know this may sound strange, so i look forward to hearing the olams perspective
My Thread:The Road To Being Honest With Myself (and others:)

I'm not a slow learner, I'm just quick to forget" - Eli Nash

A bit of honesty and less over confidence might help me - Imperfection

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 23 Apr 2021 19:05 #367346

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I think you are correct. I wish I knew how to internalise it all
For the background to my name- see Tanya פרק טו.
״שההפרש בין עובד אלוקים לצדיק הוא שעובד הוא לשון הווה, שהוא באמצע העבודה״
-Oived Elokim means a constant work in progress...
Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.
- Arthur Ashe
“Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future”.

My old thread

My current thread 

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 25 Apr 2021 16:14 #367380

  • OivedElokim
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Day 0

Fell after 7 days clean. I got my restrictions code put in and downloaded YouTube. My plan for the future is to always text a GYE partner before and after I get my restrictions code put in so that I don’t download any questionable content...
For the background to my name- see Tanya פרק טו.
״שההפרש בין עובד אלוקים לצדיק הוא שעובד הוא לשון הווה, שהוא באמצע העבודה״
-Oived Elokim means a constant work in progress...
Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.
- Arthur Ashe
“Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future”.

My old thread

My current thread 

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 27 Apr 2021 19:16 #367518

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Day 2

Had a close call last night. I had a radio app that I occasionally use to listen to a specific news show that I like. Problem is that they have podcasts, including explicit ones. I was generally able to avoid using it but it was a disaster waiting to happen. So being in the emotional mess that I am I started going down that path to get some relief. After a few minutes I had the courage to stop and delete the app.

I hope that will be a zechus for me. I didn’t do it for my streak, I (would like to think that) I did it for Hashem. Hope that stands me in good stead as I continue to fight my inner demons of insecurity and self loathing.
For the background to my name- see Tanya פרק טו.
״שההפרש בין עובד אלוקים לצדיק הוא שעובד הוא לשון הווה, שהוא באמצע העבודה״
-Oived Elokim means a constant work in progress...
Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.
- Arthur Ashe
“Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future”.

My old thread

My current thread 

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 28 Apr 2021 01:50 #367536

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Day 3
For the background to my name- see Tanya פרק טו.
״שההפרש בין עובד אלוקים לצדיק הוא שעובד הוא לשון הווה, שהוא באמצע העבודה״
-Oived Elokim means a constant work in progress...
Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.
- Arthur Ashe
“Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future”.

My old thread

My current thread 

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 29 Apr 2021 04:00 #367629

  • OivedElokim
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Day 4

found this on laughingman’s thread. Found it very powerful. Don’t know the original source. Sounds like it’s geared towards addicts in recovery. I don’t think I’m an addict but I relate to the addiction literature and the quest for spirituality and serenity.

The Twelve Promises

We are going to know a new freedom & a new happiness.

We will not regret the past, nor wish to shut the door on it.

We will comprehend the word Serenity &

We will know peace.

No matter how far down the scale we’ve gone,

we’ll see how our experiences can benefit others.

That feeling of uselessness & self-pity will disappear.

We will lose interest in selfish things & gain interest in our fellows.

Self-seeking will slip away.

Our whole attitude & outlook on life will change.

Fear of people & economic insecurity will leave us.

We will intuitively know how to handle situations which use to baffle us.

We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

Are these extravagant promises? We think not.

They’re being fulfilled among us - sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly.

They’ll always materialize if we work for them.

For the background to my name- see Tanya פרק טו.
״שההפרש בין עובד אלוקים לצדיק הוא שעובד הוא לשון הווה, שהוא באמצע העבודה״
-Oived Elokim means a constant work in progress...
Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.
- Arthur Ashe
“Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future”.

My old thread

My current thread 

Last Edit: 29 Apr 2021 04:03 by OivedElokim.

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 02 May 2021 04:42 #367757

  • OivedElokim
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Day 7

Had a nice Shabbos. I’m around unfiltered devices now and I’m feeling weak. Pray for me to have the strength to say no.
For the background to my name- see Tanya פרק טו.
״שההפרש בין עובד אלוקים לצדיק הוא שעובד הוא לשון הווה, שהוא באמצע העבודה״
-Oived Elokim means a constant work in progress...
Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.
- Arthur Ashe
“Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future”.

My old thread

My current thread 

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 02 May 2021 05:12 #367762

  • OivedElokim
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Having a hard time recognizing that it never gets easier, and I can never allow myself “one last time” of indulging in these behaviors 
For the background to my name- see Tanya פרק טו.
״שההפרש בין עובד אלוקים לצדיק הוא שעובד הוא לשון הווה, שהוא באמצע העבודה״
-Oived Elokim means a constant work in progress...
Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.
- Arthur Ashe
“Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future”.

My old thread

My current thread 

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 02 May 2021 05:12 #367763

  • OivedElokim
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Gonna spend some time reading the handbook 
For the background to my name- see Tanya פרק טו.
״שההפרש בין עובד אלוקים לצדיק הוא שעובד הוא לשון הווה, שהוא באמצע העבודה״
-Oived Elokim means a constant work in progress...
Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.
- Arthur Ashe
“Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future”.

My old thread

My current thread 

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 02 May 2021 05:57 #367768

  • Zedj
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OivedElokim wrote on 02 May 2021 05:12:
Having a hard time recognizing that it never gets easier, and I can never allow myself “one last time” of indulging in these behaviors

it's always "the last time"...
the all to well known vicious cycle.

One who has given up hope is without a G‑d.

One who sees hope in each day is already free

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 02 May 2021 06:11 #367773

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After battling my urges for several hours, I fell.

I’m sure Hashem cherishes every time I said no.  I don’t feel better because I acted out. It brought me no Happiness. I need to remember that for next time...
For the background to my name- see Tanya פרק טו.
״שההפרש בין עובד אלוקים לצדיק הוא שעובד הוא לשון הווה, שהוא באמצע העבודה״
-Oived Elokim means a constant work in progress...
Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.
- Arthur Ashe
“Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future”.

My old thread

My current thread 

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 02 May 2021 06:11 #367774

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I need to make a new pros and cons list. Don’t feel like I really want to stop
For the background to my name- see Tanya פרק טו.
״שההפרש בין עובד אלוקים לצדיק הוא שעובד הוא לשון הווה, שהוא באמצע העבודה״
-Oived Elokim means a constant work in progress...
Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.
- Arthur Ashe
“Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future”.

My old thread

My current thread 

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