Keep up the good work.

Hi loi-misyaeish I think its not about waiting to "free myself from the addiction before i do proper teshuva", but grabbing anything that helps. The YH  tries to pull us down by telling us we are not worthy of proper teshuva or of dovening with kavana etc etc. Don't let him fool you.

Anyway we can move forward just go for it.

Think Good wrote on 23 Dec 2009 18:02:
Good thought, dude. :D

I thought it's says that someone who is 'toivel vesheretz beyodoi' it's worthless. I'm trying to let go of the sheretz first. But it's a really good idea to begin to say k"s with more kavvana. Most of my life i didn't give to much respect to this.

Getting rid of the sheretz  is a life long task. The reason we are in this world is to make it a fitting place for HaShem. It is our job to purify ourselves and our environment, but this must be done with בשמחה ובטוב לבב. The time and place for reflection and teshuva for everything we do wrong is krias shema al amita. This includes time wasted when we had the opportunity to learn Toarah.

Here is a few lines from the first chapter of Tanya


וצריך להבין, דהא תנן אבות פרק ב׳ : ואל תהי רשע בפני עצמך

This requires to be understood, for we have learned in the Mishnah [Avot, ch. 2],2 “Be not wicked in your own estimation.”

How, then, can we say that an oath is administered to the soul that it regard itself as wicked, when this directly contradicts the Mishnaic injunction not to regard oneself as wicked?3

וגם אם יהיה בעיניו כרשע ירע לבבו ויהיה עצב

Furthermore, if a person considers himself wicked, he will be grieved at heart and depressed,


ולא יוכל לעבוד ה׳ בשמחה ובטוב לבב

and consequently will not be able to serve G‑d joyfully and with a contented heart;

Apart from the previously mentioned contradiction from the Mishnah, an additional question is now raised. A cardinal principle in the service of G‑d is that it be performed with joy — joy at the privilege of serving Him either through performing a positive command or by refraining from that which is prohibited. How then can one be required to take an oath to consider himself wicked, when this will cause him to be depressed, making it impossible for him to serve G‑d with joy?

Furthermore, just as the first part of the oath, “Be righteous and be not wicked,” is vital to his success in realizing his life’s mission, so too the fulfillment of the second part of the oath, that he consider himself wicked, is imperative. How can this possibly be so, when such an attitude hinders his joyful service of G‑d?

loi-misyaeish wrote on 23 Dec 2009 19:08:


Here there is no tovel visheretz biyado because every hour a person gets that is free from taaivah is a goal in and of itself! Every minute that a person fights,even if they succumb afterward, is a huge nachas ruach for the Ribbono Shel Olam!

We're not eating terumah here, we are trying to find a few minutes of holiness in a world filled with tumah. Chatof V'echol, grab what you can get cuz it we don't know where G-d will put us in the next minute!!!

Hatzalacha!
Haba

Thanks for ur words, think good and haba. I suppose it's one of the mistakes i've been making. But there's always something new to learn. But anyway, last night was the first night, probably in years, i said the whole k"s al hamita and didn't just get away with mumbling k"s and hamapil. Thanx

Great - That's the way to go

YOU ARE SOMEBODY SPECIAL!!!

Please READ and VOTE on this new poll I just created over here: rehab-my-site.com/guardureyes/forum/index.php?topic=1427.0

I guess I would be happy to help a fellow struggling Jew. I sure there are many who have our problems and have no one to turn to. Unfortunately, many Rabbonim either do not understand the magnitude of the problem, turn a blind eye, or just have no idea what to do.

Today's  Tanya is just what I needed as some not so good thoughts have been invading by head.  I know its how the yh gets me to fall, he knows I holding holding on, so is trying to attack me on a different front.

One trick the yh uses is to get me thinking about the one lady who is permissible to me - my wife. If my wife is unavailable for whatever reason I often get so aroused I end up falling. I have noticed this occurs particularly after a long clean run.

Just writing this post helps give me added strength.


Tanya - Chapter 11
או במחשבה לבד, הרהורי עבירה הקשים מעבירה

or the evil may prevail in thought alone, in contemplations of sin which are in certain respects worse than actual sin.2

Thought is more refined than speech and action, and of the soul’s three garments, it is the one most intimately connected with the soul itself. Therefore, contemplations of sin can befoul the the soul even more than the sinful deed itself.

וגם אם אינו מהרהר בעבירה לעשותה, אלא בענין זיווג זכר ונקיבה בעולם

[This is the case] even where one does not actually contemplate committing a sin, but merely indulges in contemplation on the carnal union of male and female in general,

שעובר על אזהרת התורה: ונשמרת מכל דבר רע, שלא יהרהר ביום כו׳

whereby he violates the admonition of the Torah,3 “You shall guard yourself from every wicked thing,” which our Sages interpret as an injunction that4 “one must not harbor impure fancies by day so that he will not become polluted at night”; thus, contemplation on such matters violates a command of the Torah.

או שהיא שעת הכושר לעסוק בתורה, והוא מפנה לבו לבטלה

or another area in which the evil may prevail in the case of such a partial rasha: when, at a time fitting for Torah study, he turns his heart to inane matters,

I love the Tanya stuff, keep'm coming!

Just wanted to say that it's great that you've been doing so well! Your successes, current and past, are an inspiration!

Thanks for the encouragement. Today I passed 70 todays.

I would love to post more, but am very busy between learning, job and family so I do have a lot of time to read everyone's posts.

Being so busy does help keep the yh away, BUT I know even after 70 days he is still there and can creep up from behind and catch me.

This is the time when he will make every effort to break this run.

I therefore want to say publicly on this forum that as from today, I accept upon myself to learn an additional 1/2 hour of Chassidus every day in addition to my current learning.