Hi Everyone,.


This is a little difficult taking the first step and making a post.

Let me start with a short introduction.

Firstly, this is my 10th clean day. Actually not a big deal for me, as I have reached 10 days literally hundreds of times. Going from 11-20 is much much harder. I know if I can do 10 why not more? but ......

I have "lived" with this problem for over forty years! Many years before anyone had heard of the internet. I even stayed clean for over 7 months, but that was a long time ago when I was learning full time in Yeshivah.

Internet porn is very rarely my problem, I took out the internet at home, and my only connection is at work. It is very difficult to view porn at work when my large screen can be seen by anyone, (BH). However, if I happen to be in the office very late at night (which is rare), by yatza hara may well gain control.

My main problem is an tremendous attraction to women. As the Germoa says "even a women's little finger can arouse...". Frum married women, young girls with long hair etc etc almost anything female turns me on.  >

Amazingly, I never did anything with a women, just bad thoughts and zera vbatola.

Of course I have had many ups and downs there are times when I see women with no effect, and at other times be so hot I am an embarrassment to the Torah.

OK, I think that's enough for an introduction.

I will try in future posts (bn) to go into more details of my very long fight. I have some interesting tips and advice which may help others..

I will leave with a small tip. My forum name "Think Good" is very fundamental in winning the war. The Germor is Soter says a women does not commit adultery until  "a spirit or folly enters her". The same is true of most avaras. If one is able to fill ones mind with good thoughts and prevent the "folly" from entering, one will never sin.

Doing this in actuality is very hard.

Chaza"l say that the Yetzer Hara has no power over someone who guards his eyes (Yalkut Shimoni, Vayechi). And conversely, Chaza"l also say that one who does not guard his eyes is destined to fall into sin (Yalkut Shimoni, Bamidbar).

The reason why the Yetzer Hara has no power over one who guards is eyes is extremely obvious: You don't lust after that which you don't see. Plain and simple.

And here's a parable: Imagine you are about to have a wrestling match with someone much stronger than you. You take a sponge, dip it in oil and smear your body with it before the match. In the end you win because your opponent simply couldn't get a grip on you at all; you just slid out of his grasp every time.

The Yetzer Hara is indeed much too strong for us. But that is only if we try and fight him face to face. If, however, we guard our eyes, he can get no grip on us and we will emerge victorious.

guardureyes wrote on 08 Mar 2009 16:49:

Many of us on this site can attest the truth of the words of chazal.  Many of us who have worked on this, even for a small amount of time, know that within a few days the Y"H simply slips out of site.  The main trick is maintaining this for life.  We can look to Guard as inspiration on how to do that.  You should see his glasses.

About my glasses :-) Yaakov is referring to reply #33 on this thread.

I've walked through that mall a number of times, not sure I am up to wearing such a pair of glasses.

I need some advice, so far I am holding out at 11 days. However, I have a major test tomorrow and am a little nervous.

I must go to a family purim seuda which is always great, but there will be many frum family members who will dress very attractively. How am I supposed to guard my eyes? Take a sefer and not look? Say mishnah by heart? Or what?

Not going is not an option. Remember, my wife and other family members have no idea of my problem. They have no idea that being in such a situation puts me in extreme danger! Not to go would cause a big sholom bayis problem.

Help please.

If this will really put you in severe danger, than you have the following choices...but only if you are willing to avoid the danger.

1) you can use the kedusha of this awesome day, the day that we are Megaleh Sod, and take the opportunity to be megaleh to your wife this secret. Of course you knowing your wife, can do it in the way that will not cause more problems. For example, if you can really open up, (not to go into details etc, therefore don't do this when you are shikur), but to let her know that you are asking for her to "help" you. This will show her how much you respect here, and really need her.
  If you really think that this will not work, than you can "blame it" on the non tzinus women at the seuda. Tell her that you really don't like be at places when women get so dressed up, etc, and at the least ask her to help you find a place at the table where you will not be facing these women directly. Maybe she can help to arrange the table somehow. (anyway, women are pretty smart, and know how to figure these things out)
  Lastly, if you don't think the above will work, and you are "really" prepared to save yourself from "danger", than you can fake being sick and don't go to the seuda at all, or go and then "get sick", and make an exit etc. Or go to the seuda, and get so shikur, quicklyl so that you pass out somewhere.........

I have the same problem each year, but I make sure to get very high before I come to Se'udah. And in such a state where my soul becomes alive and my inner yearnings for Hashem become revealed, all these tests seem like a joke. I just close my eyes and daven to hashem, sing and cry! When I'm drunk on Purim, the yetzer Hara seems like a thing of the past!!

HEY, I just thought of another idea. Now is a perfect time to wear those dark SUN GLASSES. You can even wear big, bulky ones - it's PURIM!! Cover the inside with non-transparent laminating paper and KEEP THEM ON!

guardureyes wrote on 09 Mar 2009 13:39:


Reb Guard, I hope you don't mind my adding my 2 cents worth, but Think Good, if you aren't able to line your sunglasses with non-transparent laminating paper before tomorrow (or aren't ready to do this yet, like myself), regular dark sunglasses worn indoors might also help.

Thanks for the advice, just being part of this forum gives me added strength and rozen to succeed. i do not want to report a fall.

I will be leaving work very soon to go home for Purim, and will only be back on-line BH on Shushan Purim.

BH I will take your advice and pull through this test.

A very happy purim to all. May Hashem give us the strength to go higher and higher in kedusha.

How did Purim go, think good? We davened for you!

I made it through Purim used a pair of purim glasses and guarded my eyes 80% if the time, but that was not enough.

I fell a few days after Purim and several more times since. I have been very down on myself and only now got it together to post. I will post more details tomorrow.

Begining to think I have no choice but to start the 12 steps!!!

Hi Think Good,

Step one is admitting that you are powerless over lust, so this very fundamental realization may in-fact be crucial to your success with the steps.

I was hesitant about joining a 12 step program for many many years and have only done so about 2 weeks ago.

I can only say that the transformation I have experienced over this short amount of time is nothing short of revolutionary for me.

As noted in many posts, however, you should choose a group wisely.

The best group for frum yidden is probably SA (sa.org) as its definition of sexual sobriety conforms to the basic tenants required by the Torah (no MB, relationships outside of marriage etc.).

I am not sure how things work in Israel, but it should be pretty easy to locate a meeting schedule off the sa.org website in the States.  Additionally, many large frum communities host their own SA chapters where other frum yidden attend and work the program.

I can say that the success that I see among the members of SA is truly phenomenal.

The bottom line, however, is .... as is expressed in the closing words of any SA meeting ... "it works if you work it, it won't if you don't".

So dear TG, meet Hashem half way and he will surely deliver you b'Shalom from the troughs of this terrible addiction.

Please keep us posted.   

Shomer, keep posting these pearls... I gather them up and save them "Kimotzais Shalal Rav"....

Think Good wrote on 08 Mar 2009 14:38:

Think Good, We're waiting to here from you! Please update us.