I have been sober for a while but I have temptations to watch movies I shouldn't watch. My yetzer says I am entitled after what I have been through and a fool for being too good. This is a hard struggle because I lack clarity

I know the feeling. My yetzer tells me I'm "mature", that if I'm self-respecting I don't need to filter what I watch because I can handle it. 

Experience has taught me that I can't handle it and never have been able to, and that's more or less what I remind myself when I get into these kinds of situations. We were born with these taivos, they're not going anywhere.

​Another perspective that I find helpful is to remind myself how Hollywood portrays relationships through a lust driven, "love at first sight" lens. It can also be quite demeaning to women in terms of portraying them as sexual creatures, who are either always seducing or being seduced, it's really awful if you think about it for a second. Knowing that these movies warps my perspective on how I perceive half of humanity helps build a sense of disgust to stay away from movies that I shouldn't be watching. Hope that helps.

Wolskzion wrote on 20 Dec 2020 16:45:

You stopped for a reason. It wasn't easy, but clearly you knew it was worth the sacrifice. So why would rewarding yourself with the poison you were running away from make sense?

Does a person who struggled to stick to a diet for a few months, finally returning to his desired weight reward himself with binge eating? Doesn't he deserve it? He was so careful not to eat, cause he wanted to be healthy, so now he deserves to stuff his body with calories...

You want a reward, give yourself one, but not one that negates the accomplishment that the reward is there for.

I hope this helps you with the clarity you want. 

evergreen wrote on 20 Dec 2020 16:59:

Great point! Maturity isn't conning yourself into a fantasy of control, it's understanding and respecting the fact that you know you don't have control, and taking the necessary precautions. 

A child isn't mature enough to cross the street, it's too dangerous because cars are constantly driving by. Adults have a maturity, so they can accomplish that safely. What does the maturity do? It causes then to understand that a car is dangerous and they must steer clear of them. It doesn't cause them to stand in the middle of the street and miraculously control the vehicles. 

Never let the past or future concern you at all. Live only in the moment. 

Hashem understands how hard it is. He put you in this struggle so you could learn how to love him truly, one step at a time. And each time you make a new push for it, each time you do any small thing to try and get holier and break free, it gives Hashem tremendous nachas ruach and it does much more than you can imagine in helping you to ultimately break free forever.

Wolskzion wrote on 20 Dec 2020 16:45:

Oh yes. I’ve certainly felt this way before, like “why should I deprive myself from this enjoyment? Etc”
Yup, I’ve been there.

Im not gonna push for you to share what “you’ve been through,” but if it’s tramautic, I would highly recommend seeing a therapist...

May I ask, what are things you enjoy? What makes you happy in life? Sports,hobbies,food etc?

Wolskzion wrote on 20 Dec 2020 16:45:

Kein yirbu!


What is your struggle exactly? What movies do you want to watch? What do you mean by "too good?" How can we help you to get the clarity that you "lack?"

I see you are new at posting here on this forum. The above holy GYE users wanted to help you and in doing so they had to make a lot of assumptions and, though they are probably right, I think you will find this forum to be more helpful if you explain a little bit more.

This is a great group and there is a lot of crossover between our stories. You are not alone in this and that is the power of this GYE community. Help us to help you, and know that by sharing, you are really helping all of us.