Grant400 wrote on 18 Nov 2020 23:47:

Thank you!! “Shavua” tov... 

Day #17

8 Days clean. BH. A nes chanuka... 

yuyu wrote on 19 Nov 2020 22:47:

Nope not a nes at all, you deserve full credit for this one! Mazal tov! Keep shteiging! 

DAY #21 

Bh 12 days clean. BH. TYH

SO here is a shtickel update. 

I managed to stay 35 days clean. 

But today I fell.

And that is after removing a lot of triggers in my life. 

Yetzer Hara found a way to trigger me. He's pretty smart, don't know why he is called Melech Zuken Uksil.

yuyu wrote on 16 Dec 2020 22:04:

The fact that he found a different trigger doesn't take away from the win that you removed many other triggers. You have placed yourself on the road to a meaningful life and you are well on the way. Fill up on some more gas (determination!) and continue on the way, Don't worry about the speed limit!

Hi Y.Y

Tomorrow is a new day, you will be a new person, with your heart, mind and soul replenished.
Don't let this fall pull you down.

Let this fall spring you you right back up.

Let's see you come back tomorrow and start the battle again with day 1.

It's not really the counting that counts, it's the mere daily daily battle that we have to fight head on (one day at a time)

You did well.
Now show yourself (and us all) you can press the reboot button


Waiting for updates 

35 days is great! Falls are included in the battle. They are part of the foundation of winning. Its not a loss and a restart now, it's a continuation of your shteiging.

You probably don't feel so good right now. Harness that for later reference when bombarded by the next urge.

Hang in there, you are truly doing amazing! More than a month clean! Let's do another!

yuyu wrote on 16 Dec 2020 22:02:

Wow!! 

If you could fall only once in 35 days you already knocked it down to only 11 falls a year! 
You are awesome!! Keep the uniform on and battle on. You are a living miracle 

Thank you guys, you are amazing! thank you for being here for me. 

Today I eliminated the trigger that triggered my fall yesterday - a certain website that I had open for business purposes which had very dirty stuff too with videos the worst of a kind. I asked the filter company to close it. 

The internal battle to Chap Arien with the shmutz before the filter closing was outrageous and crazy wild. I was withholding with all my strength not to give just one more look. The YH was pulling me with all his might. I resisted. resisted and resisted. Until I checked and the site was Bh closed.  

But... 

My Yetzer Hara still made me slip. 

Not with videos but with images.

Because of these horrible stuff I watched yesterday was still cycling in my head I somehow landed again somewhere where I don't belong with images of shiksas etc. and I pleasured myself there for a while untill I felt like I am going to throw up and I closed it. 

So here I am. 

Should I just close my whole browser on my computer? I need it for business. 
Should I leave it open? I am in danger of falling. 

Oh my gosh, this is conflicting and hard. 

Who can help out here?

You got this. You installed a filter on your devices. You removed all the triggers you could have realistically speaking, without giving up you parnasa. Now work on your internal filter. You have the ability to push away dirty thoughts, to stop fantasizing. Without recognizing that you won’t be able to overcome this with all the filters in the world. But if you do recognize it, you will be unstoppable.
So keep on trucking, and maybe try reading the handbook again. Most importantly-keep us posted (pun intended )

yuyu wrote on 17 Dec 2020 20:31:

If u work in an office with other people, maybe u can move your desk everyone can see ur screen?

Maybe you could get a whitelist filter that only lets you go to the sites that you specify and they check. I'm not a big techie, but i'm sure there are others here that can help with the right program.

A GYE memeber messaged me privately telling me to attend SA meetings. He claims that the pattern he sees here in my thread is of an addict and nothing is really gonna help me beside meetings. 



What’s your take about it?