262 days clean!

BH im doing well.

from past experience summer has been tough for various reasons.

BH I found work for a good part of the summer...should keep me on a schedule and keep me busy.

Wishing you all well!

Keep up the great work!

The summer definitely has multiple challenges! However, the summer is also an exciting time with more extracurriculars that you can use to distract yourself and focus on what is true enjoyment in life.

Hatzlacha!

BH 272 days clean!

Last week I had to take off my filter for the day inorder to take some online courses required for my summer job.

The filter was not able to be put back on until the following day so it was my chance to catch up with my favorite YouTube videos and documentaries....then i decided i should just download the the youtube videos using my favorite youtube downloader. 
turns out, my favorite youtube downloader is my favorite for a good reason. Ads kept popping up not completely nude but enough to leave for my imagination.
Ive used this youtube downloader many times before and don't remember it being contaminated.

BH that was as far it got but temptation was there.

at this point i feel im back to myself and doing well

After a consultation with my mentor apparently I'm a big tzaddik and I should be proud of myself and continue as if nothing happened. 

Lesson-
1-try not to put yourself in a stupid situation
2-try not to put yourself in a stupid situation

Wishing you all well!

283 days clean!

Today was a hard day. 

in the afternoon was bombarded with fantasies.

I gave up fighting and let myself fantasize.

Eventually the fantasies faded BH.

Looking forward to a busy week.

Wishing you'all much success!

I had a hiccup today (last night).

I call it the spiral effect....starts with fantasies then the "craving" to find something that will satisfy the "quench".

not sure If that makes sense to you folks...

Its a pity, i had to delete a very useful app 

If i was making the decision if it was a fall or not,
I would say it was a fall. The problem is that when it 
comes to these matters, I need an objective 
opinion. My mentor says to keep moving along. 



Plan going forward: 
for now this app is deleted from my phone 
And i can't download it withought my app store
Being unlocked...so im covered from that aangle
If i will ever need the app then i will be intouch with my me tor

Bli neder will be In touch with my mentor for the next few 
Days to make 
sure im on stable ground.

Wishing you all well

Keep it going!! You are one of the biggest inspirations on this site!! You can do it! Even though you already know this it’s always good to be reminded that no matter how much we crave, porn will never truly satisfy our craving. It will just leave us wanting more and feeling horrible. Think about the amazing feeling you will have once you pass this test also. Hatzlacha raba!!!

Needless to say, but a hiccup is nothing in comparison to the mountain of growth you have achieved. FTC already mentioned it, but you are a huge inspiration on here. From back to when I first started out you have been one of the guys I always follow and look up to. You've got this!

Zedj wrote on 11 Jul 2022 02:01:

It always starts with fantasies. Always. There's a reason for my signature (see below). It is imperative that we focus our attention on breaking the compulsive need to attend to and grow fantasies in our minds, which is the center of this entire sugya. If you can learn to simply move on in your day and life when a fantasy enters your consciousness instead of attending to it, you will not spiral down.
May Hashem help you on your journey.

@ Hakadosh Harav Hatzadik R' Zedj: you are an outstanding source of inspiration to me!!! Been following your progress for a few years!!!

Face the challenge wrote on 11 Jul 2022 02:31:

Thank you so much. 
I have had some rough patches in the past...this time will also be something of the past BEZH

committed_togrowth wrote on 11 Jul 2022 02:51:

Thank you for your kind words of encouragement and for following my journey.

My goal was to hit a year clean but a rough patch is ok and for now one day at a time is gonna be the motto. 

excellence wrote on 12 Jul 2022 21:03:

Thank you so much!
it means alot to me.
Its not the end!

I think the title is a little too grand but Ill let it slip this time

5Uu80*cdwB#^ wrote on 11 Jul 2022 12:12:

Thank you so much for taking the time to write.

unfortunately this wasnt my first rodeo but with hashems help i hope the last.

every so often challenges will come up, either fantasies, self doubts, stressful events ect ect

Not to take away from what you said ...keeping away from fantasies is important but at the end of the day its how one will react after a rough patch.

In other words I think having a good perspective is just as important.

BH I continue to grow and constantly learn from my journey.

Moving on to better and brighter days!

Zedj wrote on 13 Jul 2022 03:55:

Which title do you prefer, Arena Candidate Master?

On a serious note, I've been following your journey. Thank you for posting.

I fell after 300 some days. 

it's not easy for me to speak/write about it but it is imperative for me to be open and honest inorder to continue on this journey of recovery.

BH my phone i think is well filtered however I have access to a computer that has gentech.
in my mind it was safely filtered until I curiously checked up a certain site...it was open.

In my defense I sent a message to gentech to close the site but they didn't get back to me until morning...too late

In short, i watched explicit/sensual content and motzie zera. 

I'm not proud about my episode of indulgence but I can't dwell on it.

I have to be more careful.

I have to move on.

BH Gentech took care of the problem and I deleted an app that caused initial triggers .

also, bli neder will practice to reach out to fellow gye members when I feel strong urges in any event wether I think I will fall or not. I tend to freeze up or deliberate with myself when highly triggered. 

overall im proud of myself/accomplishments in this area and continue looking to learn and grow.