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194 days clean

With Hashems help I'm doing well.

I know I'm not posting as much but i still come on GYE often to get my very much needed dose of chizuk from the chevra.

Recently I found a loophole where I can watch YouTube.
I have not exploited it to watch anything inappropriate....a few documentaries and maybe a video here or there nevertheless bli neder tomorrow, I will have closed.
wishing you all the best,Gut voch!

Zedj wrote on 06 Jun 2021 05:07:

Been there (the loophole part, not the 194 part) it took me a couple of days to get it fixed. I thought I would just watch some clean stuff but I didn't. 

Takes some courage to fix something like this but you have loads so I am not worried. I think it took me three decent videos until I was in the funnel of a flushing toilet bowl. 

Let us know when it's fixed.

195 days clean

BH today was great.


Thank you @WNGU!

The known loopholes are closed but there is a chance in the future I may stumble on a similar loophole.
Until then, BH I'm in the safe zone.

Im happy to say I finally had the chance to speak to a rabbi about my porn use and masterbating struggles ect ect. 
it was nice to speak about it face to face with someone that can answer or be there when in comes to the halacha aspect. 

not gonna lie, it was not easy but I feel just a tad bit liberated.

I Hope that by me sharing someone here will have the courage to open up to their rav or mentor about this. 

Wishing you all well.

Zedj wrote on 07 Jun 2021 05:24:

Courage, that's the word. You have loads of it, me has very little. I am working in building it, you are an inspiration. 

I went to my Rosh Yeshiva no less than three times to speak about this and each time I managed to speak about something else entirely and "forget" about why I went. The next try is hopefully going to be today, please daven that I can get the right words out.

Keep inspiring us.

P.S. I think what you are doing, speaking to a Rebbi and continuing to grow even after you hit 190+ is what separates the guys who stay clean and the guys who end up falling. It's never over, but if you keep on upping your game, the battle takes place on a different playing field. You can keep it out of the ring and even out of the stadium by continuing to grow and probably the most powerful is connecting and opening up to real people. like what you did.

So, hatzlacha and keep on shteiging! 

200 days clean

BH things are going well and happy to celebrate 200 days clean!

Its amazing looking back how far I've come, so far as to start opening up and speaking to others face to face.

​With Hashems help I will keep up what has been working for me and keep daily accountability. 

Thank you to all the chevra here for all the chizuk and thank you Hashem for giving me the power to keep going

Wishing you'all a great shabbos!

217 days clean
Update time:

With Hashems help (really, not possible otherwise) I'm doing well BH.

They say "numbers don't lie", I say "don't be fooled by  numbers".

the regular urges and fantasies come by and say hello. Usually not very intense but here and there a craving for "that thrill" or "that fantasy". 
(I think that's normal... right)

At the end of the day I (we all) know the thoughts/fantasies/urges it's all bluff... watching porn or masterbating is not something I "need". It's absolutely harmful to me.

working on redirecting the thought as soon as it comes up helps me move on.

otherwise I'm being kept busy and living a porn free life....
one day at a time.

Wishing you all well.

Amazing! Keep it up!

Hows it going Reb Yid?

Thank you for checking in.
It means a lot.

I've been meaning to update just have been kept busy and preoccupied.

BH I'm doin well and still come on often to check up on the chevra.

I'm currently home....being home has it's challenges but so far I've been holding up.
At times the urge to use pops up and gets hard or as of recent I have been getting cought up In images that are unfortunately seared into my memory

But overall I'm proud of myself and where I am holding and only wish to keep growing stronger.

Wishing you all well!

Rabbeinu, hows it going?

I really gotta post here more often.

I'm going to bli neder post here at least once a week even if it's just something small

BH Yom tov was fabulous. 

Sometime it gets hard 
The usual fantasies and what not just  pop up during davening or just when I'm simply trying to relax.

This quote has been helpful for me as of late.
"Thoughts and feelings are not your friend'

Zedj wrote on 12 Sep 2021 05:55:

I don't know who came up with that line but you are your thoughts and your feelings (my friend).

wilnevergiveup wrote on 12 Sep 2021 07:57:

My guess is that what was meant is to view thoughts and feelings that just start up out of nowhere as just our bodies expressing something that is not us. This way we can ignore it instead of getting worked up or letting it define us (= letting it be how we view ourselves, and viewing it as an integral part of ourselves). This makes it much easier to dismiss it and to not give it much meaning and significance. 

This is as opposed to willful thoughts, or when we notice that we are having such thoughts and willfully choose to continue thinking about them. Those thoughts are more of us.

Thank you @captain for elaborating and doing a fine job too.

I thought I submitted a reply but I guess it didn't go through. 
In any case at least for me I feel (at times) i give the thoughts and desires too much attention..more attention then they deserve. 
at the end of the day a thought is a thought and a feeling is a feeling ( In the sense that they shouldn't be taken too seriously and best to ignore them)

Just elaborating on what was already said.

Wishing you all the best