Day 16

I thought when I first started counting my days on this forum that it was kind of cheesy.
However I think it is very beneficial, especially when others give chizuk. 

I really appreciate that.

Day 17


another day clean

Day 18.

another day in control of myself.

wow, well 18 is חי, you are living the real life!!!
looking forward to hearing that day 19 went in same way.
Wishing you an easy day.
Hatzlocho rabo

You should repeat the "myself". We should remember we are really what we want and hard to be.

Day 24.

I'm clean and I'm glad I am.
l won another day.

Hope everyone is doing well

I have been busy for the past few days, so if anyone was worried, I'm back.

almost 30 days!

My journey has been so far an experience, I mean sure I get urges sometimes and try my best to ignore and let it pass. I seem to be in general more passive in regards to my urges. 
But ever since I started counting, it seems as though my desire or lust to search certain things has mellowed sort of....anyone else experience that?

It could be that I find myself preoccupied recently but I'm not sure..

Maybe I should get ready for a tsunami of desire to come?

I really hope that doesn't happen.

Obviously I know im on a journey and I keep reminding myself to take one day at a time.







Please Hashem, help me go in your way,
please help me, overcome this challenge.

No tsunami, but withdrawal is normal. Don't panic if it occurs. It is temporary.

Wow, so glad your glad your still on track, I very much relate to the urges mellowing but the Yetzer Hora hasn't, he is guaranteed to show you from time to time that he's still around so as long as we are focused and prepared then we will show him that we haven't forgotten about him too!
Wishing you another smooth day. ODAAT!  

Day 25!
was in middle of writing a whole long drasha about what we can learn from the current election (time expired) but I'm too lazy to write it all again.

In short, Hashem has a plan and in the end it will be good.
no matter your struggle or situation or how bleak it looks, "think good and it will be good"

We don't know who "won" the election but at least I had another win!
Looking forward to winning big again tomorrow!

I would vote for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Day 29


I feel the the only way I can continue is if I'm truthful to myself about where I'm holding.

I rediscovered one of triggers for falling back to square 1.
the problem is that I went down that path twice in the last few days since I last posted.

I have seen others on the forum write about an issue they experienced in regards to getting triggered by watching provactive scenes in movies.
Although that would be a trigger for me that is not what happened.
It was  searching a title and seeing if there are provactive scenes in it by looking it up in parents guide.
Probably just as bad?

I hope I didn't cause any triggers and if I did let me know I will delete this post.

B"H I was able to stop before it continued down hill.

I'll be considering this as a slip up.

As time goes on I am starting to realize how important a filter is and there really isn't anyway I can continue to be clean without it.
I'm working on it.
Hopefully in the next few days will have one.

Day 31

I hope everyone is doing well.

for those that don't know how the YH works..

He starts with an innocent wave, if you don't stop it, the wave gets bigger and eventually knock you over.
You have to know how to ride the wave....

As I said the past few days was hard and as I mentioned, I realized I started to spirel.

Well, i slipped way harder today.
I did not act out and I thank Hashem I had the power to stop the spirel, from hitting rock bottom.
After consulting, it is not a fall.
I will continue to count and bli neder get a filter asap.

I thank hashem I have come this far and will continue to fight, and I'll prove victorious because I have faith Hashem is on my side.

Zedj wrote on 11 Nov 2020 02:41:

You have to stop it before it gets bigger like you wrote initially. 

I saw a quote somewhere here that Hashem doesn't expect us to overcome the Yetzer Harah when we are already drowning in his waters, but he expects us to prevent ourselves from ever giving in enough to fall into such a situation. 

Obviously if you did, give it your best. But the goal should be the first thing you wrote.

I soooo relate to this, I too often arouse myself, get to my peak and then quickly stop. my avodah is not to enter the whirlpool in the first place. we say "velo leyde nisoyaon" the hands of a nisayon are theese early stages where he tries to grasp us with those smelly hands of his

Day 33

How you all doing?

IY"H getting a filter tonight if all works out.
(Actually in the process of it now)

I know this is a step in the right direction.

I never really wanted to get a filter because
"I can control myself if I really want to"

I've told myself that for years.

I realize now how foolish that statement was. I could never trust myself .

(Although I'm sure others somehow are able to break free without a filter, I assume it's not the norm.)

However I am very surprised I lasted this long, albeit with some slips but still hanging in there.

I thank Hashem that I have come to this step

Wish you all the best and have a great shabbos!