Day 0,

For the past several months I've been going back and forth, going on streaks of more or less a week then failing out of the blue, for little reason. I haven't been active on this site in a while, and I want to redevelop the strength to fight my urges. So the first step for me is getting back on here and keeping my log updated. I fell yesterday, but feel confident today.

B'ezras Hashem

Welcome! Great to have you here.

Do you have a game plan? A way to motivate yourself?

Try to identify where the disconnect is. As you wrote you fell numerous times "out of the blue, for little reason ". Figuring out why this is happening and which vital piece of the motivation is missing is the only way to improve.

Creating a sustainable game plan, targeting your weaknesses and improving upon your strengths is the best way to succeed.

                                  Grant 

Welcome. It should be with hatzlocha.

Ahh a fresh new start. Just what all of us need. 

Hatzlocha.

Day 1 - Success:

In preparation for yesterday, I was very worried because it was Labor Day and therefore I would have more free time - which is often my most vulnerable time to fall. But BH I was able to get through the day without even really having the taiva, which has been something I've started specifically davening for in my tefila. I could definitely feel that G-D significantly helped me keep my taiva in the back of my mind the whole day. 

You make an excellent point, I really need a concrete plan. At this point I don't have one, but I do have Webchaver accountability and filtering, and I've done extensive work to manually block any website that webchaver doesn't. Do you have any ideas for what a plan could look like?

strivingforbetter wrote on 08 Sep 2020 20:17:

1) Make sure you are crystal clear why you want to stop and why you will be happier being clean.

2) You must recognize where your greatest nisyonos are and try to minimize exposure to them.

3) You have to prepare a plan for when you are confronted by desire. Rather than be taken by surprise and not be prepared for an immediate response to nip it in the bud.

4) Constantly review the reasons why it's worth it to remain clean.

5) Browse the forum, get ideas, methods, chizuk. Ask questions and be involved, it works wonders.

                                 Grant

Grant, that was great! Thank you.
With your permission I will add:

6) Have a set time every day when you will review something that will increase your motivation to fight this fight. Some ideas are motivational reading and ebooks, the GYE Boost, shiurim on this subject that you find helpful, and of course your personal list of reasons why you want to be clean as in #1 and #4.

7) Learn from your mistakes: if you slip or fall, spend a short amount of time let's say the day later to learn lessons from what happened, such as a) what it was that caused you to fall, b) what sight or realization triggered your desires and caused them to awaken (such as the realization that you have the opportunity to indulge), c) what might have been an underlying reason or contribution, d) how did you feel the moment after it ended, and anything else that might be relevant. And think about when you might expect a similar situation to happen in the future, what you will feel like at that point, and how you are deciding from now to act.

8) Once a week, try to anticipate times in the next week that you might be challenged and what it will feel like then, and respond to them, similar to as discussed in #7.

Thank you guys for the tips! I will definitely incorporate these into my day.

Day 2 & 3 - Success,



BH I can return to this forum even more proud than a couple days ago when I was on before. With the help of G-D I've been incredibly busy with learning, school, internship networking, etc. that I've had no time to even entertain assur thoughts. I'm in a really good place now, and hope to only move forward. Thank you guys for being a part of the journey!

Day 4 & 5 - Success,

With much help from G-D, I've made it past day 5! Using this forum has been a great help for me, since I'm posting updates I feel like I have a responsibility not to let myself or the readers of my posts down. I haven't really had a struggle at all in the last 5 days, which means I haven't been exercising my "fight the yetzer hara" muscle and that worries me a bit. On the other hand, I'm very grateful to not have been put in a tough spot, and hope it only continues. 

strivingforbetter wrote on 13 Sep 2020 12:15:

In the beginning, when starting a new steak, there sometimes is an excitement that makes the beginning easier. Like, you almost can't imagine losing, but after the freshness wears off the real test starts. Be prepared for it by not getting too comfortable, so don't allow yourself the luxury of feeling safe. Stay on your toes and keep your "fences" in place.

Day 6 & 7 - Success,

Made it past a week! Had a relatively strong taiva at one point today, but was able to quickly remind myself how important it is to not entertain the taiva and continue to think about it. Got involved in something else, which eventually took my mind off of it.

Day 0,

I failed today, just a little while ago. On day 9. Last night I had a strong taiva and I was looking for ways to bypass my filter, eventually I found one but it was late and I had to go to sleep. I really don't know why I didn't immediately manually block the website when I woke up, but I had some free time today and my mind automatically went there. Since failing, I've made the changes that I need to with my filter, and won't be able to do it again, but I just feel so stupid and so upset with myself for not standing up to my taiva and failing so quickly. And so soon before Rosh Hashana...

When is the last time you stayed clean for 9 days? How are you celebrating that?