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There must be a way
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: There must be a way 5870 Views

Re: There must be a way 06 Sep 2020 06:02 #354649

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@kavod
All comments, compliments, criticism and advice are welcome, anything that can help myself or others, but your posts have given me a lot to think about. My shmiras einayim is not what it should be and your elaboration about its value and how much it plays a role here has shaken me up a bit. Exactly what I needed. 

Thank you and please post more often, it would be nice to get to 'know' you. 
The start of 'STARting' is 'star'. Just start and you're a star!!
... and btw I really really love you! you keep me inspired!

'the cleaner I stay, the cleaner I stay' - AlexEliezer
העבר עיני מראות שוא, בדרכך חינו (תהלים קיט, לז)
PM me for my phone number

Re: There must be a way 06 Sep 2020 14:53 #354660

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Shabbos was really great this week, just a couple of unpleasant encounters etc, few enough to be able to totally disregard them and state that I was in a really happy mood the entire shabbos. 

I'm still unemployed, but my wife just started making a nice wage so we are getting in almost as much as in the past which is enough to get by b"h, but it's still stressful. 
Shabbos helps relax and forget all worries. 

2 days clean b"h
The start of 'STARting' is 'star'. Just start and you're a star!!
... and btw I really really love you! you keep me inspired!

'the cleaner I stay, the cleaner I stay' - AlexEliezer
העבר עיני מראות שוא, בדרכך חינו (תהלים קיט, לז)
PM me for my phone number

Re: There must be a way 06 Sep 2020 17:32 #354661

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You got this!

I've also been trying to kick this habit for 10 years. I used to think that I was the only one who struggled this badly. I hope you know that you're not alone!

You're not a loser if you struggle; you're a loser if you don't even try to fight...

You got this!!

Re: There must be a way 06 Sep 2020 17:40 #354662

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starting wrote on 31 Aug 2020 18:30:
I fell. 

To be honest, I kind of fell a lot last night. 

I was really not managing to fall asleep the entire night. 
Trying not to touch myself and not to fantasise, I failed many times and ended up close to masturbation many times. 
B"h I also stopped myself a bunch of times. 
At about 3:30 I had a shower and listened to a shiur from the fight. Probably my fifth time listening to part 4 in about 3 months, it's brilliant! 

After that I was still fighting, absolutely exhausted and really couldn't sleep. Another few battles, won some, lost some then I masturbate. 

So I think it was about 2 or 3 losses to 1 win. 

Not good. 
On day 14 btw. 

Don't tell me to look at the wins, I know myself a bit by know, observed myself quite closely and I should have done better. 

Upsetting but I think I'm ready for another week or two Iy"h. 

Definitely do need to keep the goal within reach, I had been striving for a month. Trying a 2 week streak. 

Iy"h 

Hatzlacha 

Even though you lost in the end, I can't imagine the schar in shamayim that you got for listening to a shiur about shmiras habris at 4 AM.. wow.. I would never ever have the strength to do that. 

Both of the following things can be true: 

1. You can be upset that you ultimately lost. 
2. You can be very proud of the fight that happened before that.

You got this!!

Reading your thread has been very relatable and inspiring to me. I fell very hard this week, and I'm trying to pick myself up a bit. 

Thank you!

Re: There must be a way 07 Sep 2020 05:47 #354688

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Great to have you back az and thanks for the chizzuk
The start of 'STARting' is 'star'. Just start and you're a star!!
... and btw I really really love you! you keep me inspired!

'the cleaner I stay, the cleaner I stay' - AlexEliezer
העבר עיני מראות שוא, בדרכך חינו (תהלים קיט, לז)
PM me for my phone number

Re: There must be a way 08 Sep 2020 09:28 #354743

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Clean b"h 
The start of 'STARting' is 'star'. Just start and you're a star!!
... and btw I really really love you! you keep me inspired!

'the cleaner I stay, the cleaner I stay' - AlexEliezer
העבר עיני מראות שוא, בדרכך חינו (תהלים קיט, לז)
PM me for my phone number

Re: There must be a way 09 Sep 2020 05:08 #354794

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Clean. Was quite busy. Helps. 
The start of 'STARting' is 'star'. Just start and you're a star!!
... and btw I really really love you! you keep me inspired!

'the cleaner I stay, the cleaner I stay' - AlexEliezer
העבר עיני מראות שוא, בדרכך חינו (תהלים קיט, לז)
PM me for my phone number

Re: There must be a way 09 Sep 2020 19:57 #354836

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Got an urge. 

Will be with my wife in about 10 minutes Iy"h. 

This postpost is to secure my resolve not to fall until then.
The start of 'STARting' is 'star'. Just start and you're a star!!
... and btw I really really love you! you keep me inspired!

'the cleaner I stay, the cleaner I stay' - AlexEliezer
העבר עיני מראות שוא, בדרכך חינו (תהלים קיט, לז)
PM me for my phone number

Re: There must be a way 11 Sep 2020 06:18 #354930

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Still around 

Still fighting 

Don't have much emotional strength to write detailed posts recently with what being home all day and trying to start a business 

Trying to take my learning seriously as well

1 week clean b"h 

I'm not giving anyone encouragement recently but there are a lot of awesome threads around which are helping me a lot

Thank you all
The start of 'STARting' is 'star'. Just start and you're a star!!
... and btw I really really love you! you keep me inspired!

'the cleaner I stay, the cleaner I stay' - AlexEliezer
העבר עיני מראות שוא, בדרכך חינו (תהלים קיט, לז)
PM me for my phone number

Re: There must be a way 11 Sep 2020 11:05 #354939

  • wilnevergiveup
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You should just know that you have one of the greatest resolves I've ever seen.

Still around 

Still fighting 


That's it, just hang in there, stick around, keep fighting and don't ever give up!

Keep inspiring.

Wilnevergiveup
Check out My Thread and The Truth

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me  wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com

Re: There must be a way 11 Sep 2020 16:13 #354952

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Keep it going, we're here for you!
Remember, atzvus, or depression, is just a tool of the Y"H.
GYE sent us a very nice chizuk once from Rabbi Jacobson, a chabad leader in Monsey. He said something obvious but not so much obvious at times. He said, if you have a flat tire, what do you do? Do you get a knife and flatten the other tires as well? Of course not that's total meshugene. You change the flat tire and keep going. Quite often we C"V fall and think ok so what's the point, etc etc and keep falling and not caring. It's all the Y"H wants. So keep your head above the water and try to use the past falls as important lessons that will only make you stronger and why not, holier.
Anyway, do reach out if you need anything, we are here for you and I'm sure you've got this. Don't ever give up!
אם יהיו חטאיכם כשנים, כשלג ילבינו

Re: There must be a way 15 Sep 2020 05:17 #355082

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As we enter the days of pressure (selichos, yomim noraim, tishrei) we have to remind ourselves that it's ODAAT. 
We all had a hard year and the pressure to end up with better next year, health, parnassah, shalom bayis, nachas, ruchnius and the rest is immense. It's a very real feeling and for many of us, masturbation is a way to release some of it. And the thought of staying clean for an entire month is terrifying and seemingly, impractical. 
We need to focus on the here and now. 
I can make it through today. 
I can make it through this nisayon.
I can make it through 20 minutes, distract myself.
Accept the urge, acknowledge that it's a very real feeling, a form of relieving some of the stress of these days. 
And also, realise that you don't have to give in to this desire. I will stay just as alive and healthy and probably feel more at peace with myself if I do not give in. 
Yes, it feels like a very real urge, yet I do not need it. I can push through until it passes. 

May we be zoche to remember this with clarity when the pressure mounts. 

Whether we will daven with a minyan or not, whether we are in Uman or not, whether in our yeshiva or by our rebbes or not, may we be zoche for all our tefillos to be mitztaref with all of klal Yisroel and may we all be blessed with a כתיבה וחתימה טובה 
The start of 'STARting' is 'star'. Just start and you're a star!!
... and btw I really really love you! you keep me inspired!

'the cleaner I stay, the cleaner I stay' - AlexEliezer
העבר עיני מראות שוא, בדרכך חינו (תהלים קיט, לז)
PM me for my phone number

Re: There must be a way 17 Sep 2020 10:36 #355226

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13 days clean b"h
This has by far been the cleanest elul of my life but it's a shame that I had to hit rock bottom a few months ago to get here
The start of 'STARting' is 'star'. Just start and you're a star!!
... and btw I really really love you! you keep me inspired!

'the cleaner I stay, the cleaner I stay' - AlexEliezer
העבר עיני מראות שוא, בדרכך חינו (תהלים קיט, לז)
PM me for my phone number

Re: There must be a way 17 Sep 2020 18:46 #355241

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But it's also great that you are where you are.

The Gemara has some stories of people who turned around their life after hitting rock bottom. I guess you could say that hitting rock-bottom is what caused them to turn around.
In the place where ba’alei teshuva stand, even pure tzaddikim who never sinned cannot stand. (Rabbi Avohu, Brachos 34b)

Great free resources:
My favorite book for breaking free: The Battle of the Generation 
https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation. Change your attitude and change your life!

Rabbi Shafier's incredible lectures on breaking free: The Fight. Download here: 
https://theshmuz.com/series/the-fight/
Last Edit: 17 Sep 2020 18:46 by Captain.

Re: There must be a way 18 Sep 2020 10:33 #355260

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Erev rosh hashana
14 days clean
Baruch hashem

I have no words to thank you all my dear gye brothers
May we all have the strength and perseverance to keep on trucking and achieve lifelong sobriety 
שנה טובה ומתוקה 
The start of 'STARting' is 'star'. Just start and you're a star!!
... and btw I really really love you! you keep me inspired!

'the cleaner I stay, the cleaner I stay' - AlexEliezer
העבר עיני מראות שוא, בדרכך חינו (תהלים קיט, לז)
PM me for my phone number
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