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Victory after Victory

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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

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TOPIC: Victory after Victory 836 Views

Victory after Victory 10 Jun 2020 00:12 #350982

zookeeper
Current streak: 123 days
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Hello all,
I am going to post my progress here, every other day or so, at least twice a week (when Moshiach comes I may miss another day).
Earlier today I failed and was defeated but that's the end of that G-d willing.
I have strong filters on my devices but I have large amount of opportunity for total privacy. So it's a wash.
I have been told some about GYE and I will use the partner program because that's probably necessary. Just publicly saying it here.
Anyway I hope to be of use to others here as well.

Re: Victory after Victory 10 Jun 2020 03:32 #350989

Meyer M. OFFLINE Gold Boarder Posts: 257 Karma: 16	You're headed in the right direction. Keep it up!
	Your best teacher for success is your last mistake

Re: Victory after Victory 10 Jun 2020 03:39 #350990

trying613 Current streak: 40 days OFFLINE Fresh Boarder Posts: 16 Karma: 1	Good for you buddy! Keep up the good work!

Re: Victory after Victory 10 Jun 2020 20:07 #351023

davidt
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Posts: 1800

zookeeper wrote on 10 Jun 2020 00:12:

Earlier today I failed and was defeated but that's the end of that G-d willing.

That's a great attitude and we all hope that you'll succeed!
I just wanted to point out that we need to anticipate the challenges that may arise and know how we can best avoid them.

Also, take the struggle only “one day at a time.” Try never to focus on the future or wonder how we will manage. We must learn to live in the present only, focusing on staying "clean" or "sober" right NOW. When we focus on the future, we can easily fall. It’s like someone walking a tightrope; if he looks down, it becomes so much harder not to fall. Therefore, when feeling weak we can tell ourselves, “just for today, I will stay clean.” “Just for this moment, I will stay clean.” The past and the future are out of our hands and belong only to Hashem. When we feel that we are about to fall, we may even tell ourselves that we reserve the right to act out tomorrow. We are not making a decision now for life. However, just for today we will do whatever we can to stay clean.

"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @ ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: Victory after Victory 10 Jun 2020 22:29 #351027

zookeeper Current streak: 123 days OFFLINE Fresh Boarder Posts: 14 Karma: 1	Thanks a bunch, that does make sense. G-d willing we'll all be clean for a long string of moments. Looking straight ahead and thinking about lunch probably won't serve the tightroper much either. (I am, by the way, still clean but I must have entered the wrong date into the counter and started with -1 days)

Re: Victory after Victory 12 Jun 2020 19:59 #351125

zookeeper Current streak: 123 days OFFLINE Fresh Boarder Posts: 14 Karma: 1	well it's been good so far, kept up my filters and such pretty well. today and tomorrow during Shabbos I need to prepare myself for the tummah of Motzei Shabbos since that is probably 40% of my problem. It's going to be a bit of a lonely one since I'm not by shul, but I'll do a good job G-d willing

Re: Victory after Victory 14 Jun 2020 10:06 #351146

zookeeper Current streak: 123 days OFFLINE Fresh Boarder Posts: 14 Karma: 1	I don't feel that I control myself and I don't know what to do.

Re: Victory after Victory 14 Jun 2020 10:43 #351148

Hashem Help Me Current streak: 2918 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 4070	Welcome. Maybe write a little about what your challenges are.
	Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Victory after Victory 14 Jun 2020 14:29 #351155

davidt
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Posts: 1800

The best way to deal with these bad feelings are to get them out into the open with other people on GYE.

There are unlimited amount of things to lust for all around us. Our only hope is to let go of the lust, because the triggers are really inside us. We are the ones carrying them and keeping them. If we learn to let go of the lust, we will no longer be surrounded by "impossible" triggers.

"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @ ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: Victory after Victory 14 Jun 2020 16:19 #351169

zookeeper
Current streak: 123 days
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Posts: 14
Karma: 1

Yes sorry I wasn't trying to be dense. I earlier wrote a long overly wallowing in despair pity post earlier that I deleted because it was a lie.

The main time I feel very down about this is not when I slip and fall. It's when I take the stairs, slowly and carefully. One step at a time to the bottom floor.

This is not a spur of the moment type thing, where my higher being will eventually wrest control if given enough time. My entire brain is focused on this. If I focused this much on my learning and work I would be a Talmid Chacham, and probably rich. My filters were up and working, and I never bypassed them. But I spent 2 hours straight thinking about how to bypass them and I don't know why. Eventually I succeeded. I was acting like a comfort seeking beast over a long period of time.

Earlier I banked upon the idea that make it enough of a hassle and I'll stop. This is not the case and this is why I don't know what to do. This was after a whole Shabbos, but I threw that all away.

Last Edit: 14 Jun 2020 16:23 by zookeeper.

Re: Victory after Victory 14 Jun 2020 17:15 #351171

battle-of-the-gen OFFLINE Gold Boarder Posts: 164 Karma: 5	Have u tried accountability software? Like webchaver with someone who you would be embarrassed to fall in front of? Their usually harder to get around and even if u do, generally your partner knows...
	"You will never be entirely comfortable. This is the truth behind the champion – he is always fighting something. To do otherwise is to settle." Battle on, and I always take advice.

Re: Victory after Victory 14 Jun 2020 21:22 #351188

zookeeper Current streak: 123 days OFFLINE Fresh Boarder Posts: 14 Karma: 1	Thanks for the suggestion. My devices that I can filter are filtered well and I can't bypass those filters. My main problem in terms of access are devices I can't filter. So I'll need some solution besides software I think.

Re: Victory after Victory 14 Jun 2020 22:27 #351190

battle-of-the-gen
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I had the similar question on my forum bec I had a similar issue, my devices are filtered but not the ones in my house. No great ideas yet

Does anyone have any ideas how to get your siblings to put filters on devices that are theirs(without sounding too suspicious) bec it is their device so your kinda asking them to put something on their device that might slow them down. Or if anyone has any other way to limit my access to them that would also work.

Yosef10 responded

Regarding the the other devices, that's something I think we can all relate. Now that corona has been haunting us, I've been stuck in a house with too many devices with open access to even count them, open internet is everywhere I look.... Something that I have found helpful, and maybe once you get to the taphsic neder method, you can add in a clause that you cannot use your your siblings or any other devices besides those designated, and if you do that's a fall. It's more of an internal filter so doesn't solve the whole problem, but then again does a filter even solve the whole problem. Keep setting youself up for success, but also make sure along the way there is some hisbodedus and some internal thinking about the way you change and will continue to change as a person throughout your life. This battle can teach us so much... It would be a shame to come out the same person... Rather we come out better for it.
Regarding the other devices though, I hope others have a good eitza, I haven't found one yet.

So far what I have done is a basic contract with myself(with the help of my mentor) not to use the other devices(If i do I have to rip up money) and so far its been effective. Hatzlacha!

"You will never be entirely comfortable. This is the truth behind the champion – he is always fighting something. To do otherwise is to settle."
Battle on, and I always take advice.

Last Edit: 14 Jun 2020 22:28 by battle-of-the-gen.

Re: Victory after Victory 15 Jun 2020 00:45 #351200

colincolin Current streak: 812 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 531 Karma: 8	Welcome zookeeper Why do you fall? What causes you to fall? What feelings do you have to make you fall? Is it lust, or are you depressed?

Re: Victory after Victory 16 Jun 2020 00:46 #351265

zookeeper
Current streak: 123 days
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Posts: 14
Karma: 1

Hi Colin. It's not lust very often. It's a response to anxiety of any sort most of the time. Very deeply ingrained I'm afraid, but it used to be worse. Don't know what to do about that since davening and learning and the entirety of Shabbos I often experience as very strenuous and stressful I turn to this sort of stuff. Which is why it's so much worse after Shabbos because to me it is the most stressful day of the week.