Hi;
I acted out really badly this morning. I had lots of urges, and I didn't just move onto the next task on the schedule. It was a really bad fall- I tried to do something really bad. I didn't go all the way, but the attempt was extremely dangerous for my marraige; My goodness. How dumb can I get.
Ok, tomorrow will be clean day #1.
I just need to move to the next thing.
And I cant let so many things bother me- this addiction is my main issue, and if I'm doing well in it- I gotta be happy.
Darn.

I know the feeling all too well. When the urges arise it feels impossible to move on and just live normally. You're doing great - just pick up and move on!
Hatzlocha!!

Hi,
It must be really hard, but keep it up. We all have urges. I tell myself eyes stop and I close my eyes and wait for the urge to stop. I daven to Hashem that my family should be well and that we should have parnassa. 

its the best time to pray

Hatzlacha
Dont give up we are fighting with you

Hey there,
I bet most of us have already thought about very nasty plans. B"H most of us never carried them out.
Don't beat yourself over your thoughts. Even gedolim have hirhurim.
They're just that, hirhurim, and actually, by diverting them you can accomplish a great mitzva. So see them as opportunities for mitzvos (by diverting them). Don't see it as "omg I'm so dirty for having these thoughts, etc etc".
It's very good you're having the clarity that this issue can affect your whole life. I keep saying this but this is what I know to be best. Get practical. What went wrong, how did you fall? What are you going to do to prevent the next one? How about arranging a phone meeting?
Don't beat yourself up, it's only natural to fall when trying to break free. It's the YH trying to throw you into a guilt trip and leaving you stuck. Forget guilt, and get practical. You want to stop, so what steps are you going to take to prevent it?
One last word, do it for yourself too. Of course, do it for your family, but only think how your life will change for the better when you control it, instead of letting it control you.

formywife125 wrote on 19 May 2020 03:59:

Sorry to hear about this and hopefully this will be a great learning experience for you. 
Falling can be an important opportunity for learning and becoming stronger.
Falling with lust can be compared to falling off a horse- the best thing someone can do is get right back on again.

People who have relapsed may need to learn to anticipate high-risk situations more effectively, control environmental cues that tempt them to engage in their bad habits and learn how to handle unexpected episodes of stress without returning to the bad habit. This gives them a stronger sense of self-control and the ability to get back on track.

Thanks everyone!