Steve wrote:


I never knew that Steve was so hilarious; makes me wanna read his entire journal.

HI Cordnoy (an' ev'rybody else),

Just revisiting the Forum for a mo' after updated my profile a little - they had me down as 21 years old! I wish I was that young again, with all that stamina, but WITHOUT the addiction that unbeknownst to me was running and ruining my life at that age.

It's true what we say in the 12-Step programs - "I wouldn't trade my worst day in Recovery for my best day in addiction." I know I would NOT go back there given the choice, if it means going back to that way of living.

Anyway, it's funny you brought up that old post (5 years old, actually) from the first week of this thread. At that time (Dec 2009) the comment about women being or needing to be aware of how their fashion choices trigger us caused quite a stir. There was no mechitza then between the mens and women's forums (in fact, there was only one forum, not two), and there were some very eye-openning posts by the heilege GYE women (and men with better clarity than i had then) about the issue.

I RECOMMEND EVERYONE TO READ THRU THE REPLY POSTS TO THIS ONE, BACK IN THE FIRST FEW PAGES OF THIS THREAD. It's better not to take entry this out out context. I think the messages there need to be taken to heart by all us men.

As Bards said, "She may be a problem, but she's not YOUR problem." I was wrong of me to place the blame for my behavior and thoughts on someone else. My whole problem is an "inner ear problem" - problem is between my ears.

When I say "oh, SHE made me lust after her," I am blaming her for my reaction; "oh, HE made me angry," takes away MY responsibility for my actions/reactions and places it on them. But the word "responsibility" really comes from "response ability". By blaming them, I have GIVEN AWAY my power, my "ability to (chose how to) respond." I need to take back and face my 'response ability", because ultimately, the only one I can change is myself.

As we say, Hashem is the one who put her there, the 'first look" is on HIS cheshvon (that's when merely i notice she exists). The "second look" is on MY cheshvon, I can chose to see her as another choshuveh tzelem elokim, an human being of value, and not turn on my 'lust engine."

The only way i was able to learn to get back my "response ability" was thru the 12 Step program of recovery.

On the 8:30am conf call we are completing Step 9 this weekend, and moving into Steps 10 and 11 this week. Then about 2 weeks more we will finish this 13th cycle and celebrate the Bar Mitzvah of the Conf calls! The next cycle will either begin between Purim and Pesach, or right after Pesach. So stay tuned and join us by then!!

Thanks so much for checkin' in and updatin', and thanks for all that you do for the calls.

Keep it up.

b'hatzlachah

This thread should be read.
Nice posts about real recovery.