The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and BHYY had a great day.
Seriously, it was beautiful outside.
I took HHM's advice to actually move and went on a brisk walk after Shacharis. Then I learned with my chavrusa did some errands and some more exercise and then had class. I feel so much better than I did yesterday. Exercise puts me in a much better mood and helps me deal with urges.
Yes, HHM is always right.

I'm having very strong urges to act out now. Oh well. 
In my head I'm (Y"H?) is saying you barely have any time clean what's another fall? I know better than that. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step...
This is why I don't count days. I'll have a rough idea of how long I've been clean but otherwise I obsess over it, hello perfectionism. And if I fall, oh boy, gotta reset the counter so may as well go to town so long as on day 0. Yes, not counting is the only way I can focus on ODAAT.
I look forward to posting again before Shabbos that I'm still clean!

Wish I had better news but I fell
​I had some victories earlier today over urges but not all the way. I found myself home alone with all open access. B"H the zman starts next week so I'll be back in Yeshiva and not constantly exposed to unfiltered access.
I tried hard (not really my best) today. I exercised, I practiced mindfulness, I posted on GYE. The last thing I should have done was called someone on the phone. Then I probably wouldn't be posting about a fall now.

Shabbos was enjoyable, restful, and clean B"H.
After an enjoyable 2 week hiatus I am back in my Sunday class .
I promised myself a nice afternoon if I stay clean through class. Here we go!

In regards to what people wrote about whether or not marriage helps, all I can add is my personal experience...and that is, yes it helped me. I used to masturbate and watch porn, plenty of it. But haven't done either of those not even once since I got married, over ten years ago. So what am I doing on this app?? Well I've posted some things on the baal habatim forum and the responses have been extremely helpful to whatever I'm dealing with. So will marriage change how you think? No, and that's something that will need to be rewired and marriage will not help that. But the fact that I have not watched porn or masturbated once since I got married is not a coincidence. The last time I did that was about a week before my wedding. 

How was? You got your nice afternoon??

Hi Chevra,
I am so happy to be back in Yeshiva! B"H I've been clean and enjoying the structure and social aspects. I haven't been on the site much as I'm focusing more on the physical people in my recovery (Phone calls, therapist, SMART meetings), I find they help me a lot more. Don't get me wrong, this site helps me a ton but nothing is like a real person (or people!).
Hope everyone is well, B"H I'm doing amazing!

Good to see you doing well!
Please come back to update us every once in awhile!

Happy to hear! Keep going!

Testing, testing. Is this thing on?
Oh, hello.
I missed everyone (not that I really left, just wasn't posting much). B"H doing well, progressing. No massive streaks but so long as it's 2 steps forward 1 step back I'll get to my destination. It's a journey, takes some people longer and some people shorter.
SMART, therapy, phone calls and, of course, GYE, I've got plenty of resources. Just have to keep going.

Great to see you fighting.
Keep going and the rewiring will occur.
About the whole marriage helps or not, my 2 cents:
Having been married before, not being married now and looking forward to getting married Ym"H soon, I don't think men really crave sex. (what? lol)
Looking at myself, I'm a very needy guy, i.e. I need my future wife to give me a lot of attention in any form. Sex is the ultimate "attention giving", "token of acceptance", you name it. But if she doesn't give me that all the time but at least give me her love, smile, talk to me, ask me how my day went, I think I can withstand the 14 day period (sometimes 60 if she gives birth), as I think anyone here can. I know in my past marriage, I think the main issue was not getting enough attention, despite the other part not being great either. I'm not sure this should be in the baalei batims section, but if she does "it" solely for you (and you know when such a thing happens), it is not satisfying at all. On the contrary, it's very depressing.
Dov talks a lot about that. Being single now, I'd say I don't really crave sex. I crave closeness. A female heart. A partner. You name it. Unfortunately, I look for the wrong means to solve the issue, hence my problem.
Be kitzur, IMHO, find someone who will give you plenty of support and love. Although unrelated to GYE, common values is a must too. That should be of great help.

Snowflake wrote on 20 May 2021 13:22:

+100000000000000
I have no idea if I actually crave sex, I've never had it (outside of with myself).
But I will say the feelings that you describe are exactly what I crave. Support, love, closeness. Everything. You hit the nail on the head.
With the help of the Ribono Shel Olam we'll both be clean and happily married very soon!

Thanks brother!
Amen to that!! 1000x
If I may add, being optimistic about life in general, and shidduchim in specific, is really helping me out. I think it could help anyone of course. Hope you're optimistic too, you seem like a very nice fellow
All we have to remind ourselves is that the Ribbono Sheil Oilam has got our backs. No need to fret about it.

B”H been clean for a while. Going through a rough patch with shidduchim, got dumped a few times. Not easy. 
I’m noticing how difficult it is this time without muting the pain by masturbating and watching porn. I’m actually feeling life. It’s not pleasant but there’s something more pleasant about feeling it than escaping from it. 
Urges are there. Urges will always be there. But I’m not giving in. 

BHYY wrote on 08 Jun 2021 16:29:

רוק הדר בכרך ואינו חוטא   פסחים, קיג.רוק = אדם שלא נשוי, ואין לו אשה, ואין לו פת פסלו, ורוק זה גר בכרך, שזהו מקום של העיר הגדולה, ויש שם הרבה נסיונות של פריצות ועריות, וזה הרוק לא חוטא, אז הקדוש ברוך הוא מכריז עליו ומתפאר בו בכל יום ויום על ששומר עצמו מלחטוא.הרוק הזה הוא לא חוטא בעריות זה ממש התנהגות מעל הטבע, זה הדבר הקשה ביותר שלא לפגום ביסוד.כמו שכותב הרמב"ם בהלכות איסורי ביאה:"אין לך דבר בכל התורה כולה שהוא קשה לרוב העם לפרוש ממנו אלא מן העריות והביאות האסורות" עכ"ל.ומכל מקום אתה ממשיך לשמור על הברית ולא לפגום ביסוד ע"י הוצאת שז"ל או כל עניני עריות, אז זה ממש בגדר "כי עליך הורגנו כל היום" , שבכל יום ויום אנו הורגים את התאוה של הניאוף, שהיא הכי קשה לפרוש ממנה, אבל לכבוד הקדוש ברוך הוא, שאני אוהב אותו, אם כבן או אם כעבד, אני אשמור על היסוד שלא לפגום, ועל זה נאמר: כי עליך הורגנו כל היום!